Headline Acts: Episode 2

Here are some more headlines that should have been seen in the last week, but sadly the media are just not as imaginative as the Beyond the Cliche Brains Trust:

True extent of Murali injury revealed - despite reports that star spinner Muttiah Muralitharan would miss the rest of the World T20 through a groin injury, it has been revealed that he has both a stomach bug and an elbow injury, meaning that he can no longer throw his stock delivery and has been chucking all night.

Who bribed Higgins? - reports show that the man handing the Wizard of Wishaw £261000 was in fact a ginger balding man in his early 50s and did not display any traits of personality. Higgins ironically referred to him as "interesting".

Depression levels rise temporarily in Edinburgh - with the also ironically-named "Magic Weekend" at Murrayfield, thousands of northerners came to spread their malaise on the good people of Auld Reekie. The moaning and poor dress sense drove many into asylums for the weekend. The average GDP of the inhabitants of Edinburgh also dropped sharply.

Owls tighten screws after pitch invasion - officials at Hillsborough were seen reinforcing their stands overnight after fan trouble against Crystal Palace. "We don't want more Scousers on our conscience when we play Tranmere next year" said the chief executive.

Tiger Woods seen leaving Bryant family home - reports that new Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has a prostitute for a mother remain unfounded.

And finally, one mindblowingly true headline

Ian Holloway achieves something - the PR man actually finds a bit of substance to his words as Blackpool reach the Championship playoffs.

Last time, money off at Scotmid failed to capture the public imagination. So this time, the best entry wins a cake up to the value of £1 from Marks & Spencer. Don't say we're not good to our reader(s).
RM