The County Scene - Week 10: Tamim Ton Signals Arrival of the Big Hitters

Let's start with the bare fact that England won the test match by a pretty comfortable margin. However, they were made to labour for victory by a spirited Bangladeshi batting lineup, who finally found some form on a placid Lord's wicket. Score is as follows:

England 505 (Trott 226, Strauss 83, Shahadat 5-98) and 163-2 (Strauss 82) beat Bangladesh 282 (Junaid 58, Tamim 55, Anderson 4-78, Finn 4-100) and 382 (following on) (Tamim 103, Kayes 75, Junaid 74, Finn 5-87) by 8 wickets

After watching the whole first day, England were 362-4 and Jonathan Trott, fresh from finding form on the county circuit (see, there is a point to county cricket - this blog is worthwhile I swear!), had hit 175* without giving a single chance to the fielders. Oh dear, thought I - here we go for some more lifeless and uncompetetive Test match cricket. I was wrong. The next morning, Shahadat Hossain woke up a different bowler, with an extra yard of pace and bounce to trouble England and eventually get himself onto the hallowed Lord's Honours Board. However, with a bit of weather and bad light around on Day 3, the rusty-looking England bowlers found the swing they'd been missing and eventually forced the follow-on (inviting the opposition to bat again if they fall 200 or more short of the 1st innings total). Out strode Tamim Iqbal with a blistering counter attack, failing to move his feet but timing the ball so sweetly to all parts. He was particularly brutal to the off-spin of Graeme Swann, one of a few England players looking weary after the Twenty20 exploits - England's 3 key men in this game (Trott, Strauss and man-of-the-match Steve Finn) had not made that trip and had played plenty of Championship cricket. It showed. It was Finn who eventually removed Tamim on the hook and then used the short ball effectively to run through the lineup on Days 4 and 5. 160 was never a stiff target for the batsmen.

The scary thing about Tamim is that he has been so productive in test cricket recently, yet still has fundamental flaws in his defensive technique i.e. he doesn't play defensively and never moves his feet sufficiently against good bowling. He is 21 years of age. The talent that he possesses is frightening and if he receives the right guidance, he could be the new Brian Lara, such is the flamboyance with which he played some of his strokes. I know I have been harsh on Bangladesh's batting so far on this tour, but their Top 8 can all play a bit and they need to be persevered with and allowed to mature and settle at international level if the nation is to progress. They do not need morons like Geoffrey Boycott telling them what to do. The arrogance he has to tell Tamim to his face that Bangladesh "do not belong in Test cricket because the bowling is woeful" is beyond belief. England certainly cannot afford to play in the Ashes with four bowlers - Swann was ineffective on this pitch but could not be carried as a result of the weighting of the team.

Finally on this subject, anyone who gets onto the Lord's Honours Board deserves a Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award - congratualtions to Jonathan Trott, Shahadat Hossain, Tamim Iqbal and Steven Finn. LADS

Back to the county circuit, so much less glamourous now the Test match summer is here. Or is it? The CB 40 takes a break now at the halfway stage, with Somerset, Surrey, Yorkshire and Warwickshire currently occupying the semi-final spots. In its stead comes the revamped Friends Provident T20, complete with two overseas players per team. Sky Sports have reeled out yet another classic ad, this time featuring Nick Knight and assorted dancing girls giving umpiring signals to Dreadlock Holiday. Inspired. Knight was expectedly embarrassed when David Lloyd brought it up during the Test match commentary. You really expect the team with the biggest stars to prosper in this competition. With that in mind, don't bet against Middlesex (Adam Gilchrist and David Warner), Durham (Albie Morkel and Ross Taylor), Somerset (Cameron White and Kieron Pollard) and Sussex (Brendon McCullum and Dwayne Smith). We start tomorrow with a repeat of last year's final, Sussex vs Somerset. With the expansion to compete against the IPL and the subsequent signing of some of the game's brightest lights, this should be the best competition ever.

Here's hoping anyway
RM

Murray's Roland Garros Mettle Not Good Enough

Once again, clay has proved cruel to Andy Murray. The great hope of London SW1 found himself down after the first set and looking at a likely straight sets defeat to the Czech Tomas Berdych. A reasonable fightback in the second could not prevent him losing that set as well, and the rain delay created by some rather fierce French spring showers evidently didn't alter his mental state, as Berdych finished the straight sets defeat under an hour after play restarted.

Now, on the face of it, reaching the last sixteen in what is clearly Murray's least favourite Open is no poor achievement, and Berdych is a talented player to lose to (admittedly, a better hardcourt man than clay). Indeed, my colleague did not think Murray would be able to get past Marco Bhagdatis in the previous round.

I am concerned, though, about the nature of the loss yesterday. Specifically, the poor start to the match, and especially the final set after the delay. I think they suggest a bigger flaw in Murray's game which he has yet to address.

Murray started out as a precocious talent with a powerful forehand game and a penchant for playing winners bordering on genius. He struggled to impose his service game when it mattered (closing out games, staying in close sets) and his ace to fault ratio would jump spectacularly away from the former and toward the latter. He also failed to stay in longer rally's; the more shots he found himself having to play, the less chance he would find a winner with the next one.

Murray has certainly addressed the issues he had with long rally's, which are now undoubtedly a strength of his game, and he has improved on the technical side of his game, to the point where his backhand game can match Nadal's on hardcourt and probably grass also, and his footwork and stamina are now genuinely world class.

I would argue that playing on clay puts Murray into a mental state that is similar to the one he faces when he has to play an opponent who poses a clear danger to him, and possesses a game at least the equal of his own. Murray finds himself starting at a disadvantage mentally, and he is less likely to put up as strong a fight when the games get tough later in the game. It is at this point, as it was yesterday against Berdych, that he starts commiting lazy/ stupid errors, and his shot selection and ability to produce aces goes out the window.

Murray really needs to iron out these mental deficiences if he wants to win a major tournament. He must be constantly aware of his predicament with regards the Federer and Nadal era he is trapped in, and this can't exactly help him. But he needs to take another look at his compadres in the second tier of tennis.

The talents below Fed and Rafa are obviously threats. Ancic, Del Potro, Tsonga, Roddick and their sort are certainly dangerous on all surfaces, and guys like Verdasco, Gonzales, Ferrer and Berdych will always trouble Murray on clay. Accept that clay isn't his forte and move on. I think he probably has.

Novak Djokovic is the best opponent out there that isn't one of the two feaks of nature. I genuinely believe that Murray is a more talented player than Djokovic physically and technically. Novak has clearly superior mental strength and consistency though, and is more successful than Murray because of this. Djokovic has realised that he must be at his best in every match because he cannot afford to slip up and be knocked out of a competition on the occasions that Federer or Nadal also go out. The key to winning a slam these days is to get to as many semi-finals as possible, and grasp the opportunity when one or both of the World's two best players doesn't make it to the final.

Murray can console himself with his good performances and victories against top opposition. But it won't help our British hero if he then loses to a Robredo or Schuttler in the next round and is doomed to be Scottish again.


GM

Times changing down on the Cape

Six months ago, Sky Sports advertised England's winter tour to South Africa, making a point of how the South Africans were "Number 1". We had many smiling school children, fishermen and Graeme Smith telling us about this. The less said about Stuart Broad's part in this advert, the better. Yes, despite having achieved nothing of note in many years, save for a series victory Down Under in 2008, the Proteas were No.1 in all forms of cricket. Then England rocked up and everything changed.

OK, so a 1-1 Test and 2020 series draw and a 2-1 ODI defeat against a vastly improved side does not sound too bad. However, heads have begun to roll after another dismal showing in a major competition, the World Twenty20 in the Carribbean last month. Keen follower(s) of this blog will notice how I predicted they would struggle with their one-dimensional bowling attack in that form of the game and I was right (for a change). The fact does remain that they have three world class seam bowlers and a couple of canny spinners, although Roelof van der Merwe has gone so off the boil that he should be left alone. It is in the batting department that things need freshened up and the roots of something fresh and new may just be beginning to grow.

Last year, Cricinfo asked readers and experts to pick an All-Time South African XI. The experts opted mainly for old-timers from the pre-international exile for being racist bastards years. However, the readers correctly chose six current or recently retired players in their XI, in stark contrast to the English equivalent where only Kevin Pietersen (easily a candidate for a South African XI) made the cut from the modern era. However, when you examine all six of these players, you realise that times are coming to an end for four of them and one is having his role drastically redefined as a result. Only the rapid paceman Dale Steyn remains as important as ever he was, although Morne Morkel is finally finding the consistency which could see him jump the queue for the role of leader of the attack. The taller of the two bowlers, Morkel has found alarming bounce and seam movement on West Indian pitches in the current bilateral series, whereas Steyn's extra pace has been to the liking of the flamboyant opposition. But he's far too good not to bounce back.

Shaun Pollock is long gone now, great player though he was. The accuracy at 80mph that he provided is no longer a need under the new regime - out-and-out speed is much more desired by the CSA selectors. His lower order batting isn't missed either - Johan Botha, Ryan McLaren and Wayne Parnell are all more than capable. Jacques Kallis bats serenely as ever, but is now little more than a reluctant bowler (the 91.5mph he was clocked at yesterday indicates a broken speed gun rather than a man with genuine menace). The keeping issue has also been changed - Mark Boucher, recently man-of-the-series against England in the Tests for some really gutsy knocks, has been discarded, with batsman AB de Villiers, a wonderful fielder, donning the gloves. So long as this doesn't affect de Villiers' batting (and it hasn't so far) then this will work out OK, but it's a poor way to repay Boucher for years of outstanding service, where he has rescued his country from many a dire situation and also become statistically the most successful keeper of all time.

Then we come to the captain. Graeme Smith looks far less relaxed these days than when he lounged in the Jo'burg sunshine uttering the immortal line "South Africa - Number 1". He is uncomfortable in the crease and has regressed to his old ways of shuffling across his stumps and shovelling everything into the leg side. An lbw candidate if ever there was one. His fielding is become increasingly unreliable and his captaincy lacks imagination. Is it time for a fresh start here as well? I would say not. To do to Smith what has been done to Boucher would be a step too far - his service for the country since a young age has been sterling. Class is permanent. Change has needed to be made in South African cricket, but some semblance of continuity must be retained.

So a new wave of icons enter South African sport. Not the footballers who will surely be shown up for what limited players are. But men like Hashim Amla, Lonwabo Tsotsobe and Alviro Petersen, men who will carry the hopes and dreams of ordinary Saffers. Gone is Makhaya Ntini, the greatest icon the game has ever had in Africa. It is time for new heroes to be born. Hope they don't choke.
RM

The Squad lacks strength in depth (a metaphor to say that the new Three Lions is shit)

The official England World Cup anthem is a qunitessential part of any campaign, along with penalty heartache, grown men consequently sobbing into their Carling and media scapegoating (a list that in the last 20 years reads: Chris Waddle, Stuart Pearce, Ronald Koeman, Graham Taylor, Gareth Southgate, Diego Simeone, David Beckham, David Batty, Phil Neville, David Seaman, Darius Vassell, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Scott Carson). However, the recent efforts have been so weak that the FA decided that 2010 would not have an official song to captivate the nation. Here is why:

1990 - New Order - World in Motion - had John Barnes rapping and introduced the third syllable to Eng-er-land. Enough said.
1998 - Spice Girls and Ian McCulloch - On Top of the World - SHIT
1998 - Fat Les - Vindaloo - Boorish shouting about curry, hardly inspiring
2002 - Ant and Dec - We're On The Ball - Lessons needed learning from PJ and Duncan - don't let these guys anywhere near a microphone
2004 - The Farm - All Together Now - An unecessary rehash of an indie classic
2004 - The 442 (Talksport DJs - unofficial anthem) - Come on England - awful awful awful remake of Dexys Midnight Runners "Pass it.... like Gerrard, Lob it.... like Lampard"
2006 - Embrace - World at your Feet - Dross
2006 - Sham 69 - Hurry up England - the original was crap... this was worse
2008 - Oh hang on....

Only one song has been of genuine quality and stood the test of time - Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds - Three Lions. This is probably because Baddiel and Skinner are genuinely funny and the Lightning Seeds were genuinely good musicians. The message, that England basically always screw it up, was one that was generally held at the time (Euro 96) after failure to qualify for USA 94 under Graham Taylor, who incidentally is so much better in the commentary box than in management, much like David Pleat - it's the blustering style. But, with the country hosting the tournament, there was genuine hope that they could recapture the halcyon days when football "came home". The optimism that was produced has lingered ever since, so the song clearly achieved its goals and has been heard regularly on many terraces.

So they decided to re-release it. With Russell Brand doing some vocals. Why? If the country in which I live can find no better musician to back the national team then so help them. Then there is the "It's coming home" line, with an opera singer providing some spine-tingling moments. But it won't catch on with the everyman in the stands, who generally is not a soprano. John Motson has also chipped in, with a "Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick"-style contribution (In the gardens of Japan etc). Which is awful. The whole thing is a waste of time - classics should be left alone (a rule that can be applied to tunes such as A1s cover of Take On Me). Which incidentally is something they have done to the lyrics, save for changing "30 years of hurt" to "All those years of hurt" - 44 just doesn't fit with the melody. It all just smells of laziness.

And then there is the main message of the song, "Football's coming home". It isn't, it's going to Africa. If it was the Civil Unrest World Cup then maybe... The gallows attitude that the general population of Blighty held in 1996 are no more, replaced with mindless optimism, encouraged by Ant & Dec et al. They don't think England's "gonna throw it away, gonna blow it away", they believe they have a divine right to win under Don Fabio and have done ever since Southgate shanked his penalty against Germany. And nobody really remembers '66 anymore, it's been so long that those who were alive are now subject to the Tories new schemes to care for the elderly.

Three Lions is great. But it should never have been revamped. The power that it had over people 14 years ago is no longer of any relevance. Times change.
RM

World Cup Preview: Group D

Germany

Coach: Joachim Low. Did he do all the work only for Klinsmann to claim the credit, or did he ride piggyback on Klinsmann's coat-tails? Um yeah, the first one. He did all the work, and has proven himself to be a worthy international manager. His temprament seems to suit the international arena.

A member of that small group of people who started as an assistant manager and subsequently have succeeded in the top job. Much like Sammie Lee did at Bolton. And Queiroz did at Madrid.

Team: German efficiency, German grit, German steel, the Blitzkrieg, the Atlantic Wall, the EU's Kaiser, the Fuhrer, the Iron Chancellor. If the Germans were a boxer they would be spoilt for nicknames. This has also dispensed almost all of the racial stereotypes I can currently think of

(I could probably have thought of more, but I have been distracted by my flatmate losing 2-1 to Rangers with Barcelona at the Nou Camp on FIFA. Bad Lad)

Perennial successes at major tournaments, the Germans have found a tactical variety rarely seen in previous Germany sides, or on the Russian front at any point after Kursk. They run a 4-2-3-1, which has the potential to be altered on the fly mid-game. What's more, the players have now had over 3 years to shake off their in-built German-ness, which previously left them short of ideas when the first gameplan failed. See the 2002 final.

Germany do have an irritating habit of calling up swathes of young players, giving them a few games and promptly calling up some even younger players in their place. This is how Marcell Jansen, Clemens Fritz, Simon Rolfes and others have, sadly, faded away like the poppies in the field at the end of Blackadder Goes Forth. The new youngsters aren't half bad though. Champions League finalist Thomas Muller of Bayern, Jerome Boateng and Mesut Ozil will all have a chance to cement their places.

Why Lukas Podolski is slated to start I have no idea. Surely Low recognises that, since his 'breakout' in the 2006 competition, he has stuttered, stagnated and failed. He sort of reminds me of Antonio Cassano. Less attitude and shagging, more petulence and laziness. A more boring Cassano. A German Antonio Cassano.

Podolski and Miroslav Klose, still the projected starter due to Mario Gomez's mare of a season, are just some of the things the Germans have nicked off of Poland. And I don't recall the Germans ever giving anything back in return. Or at least anything that wasn't a war crime.

The defence will be typical of a post-2002 German defence: fast, playing high up the park, and open to being exposed at least once a match. Other than that though, it is solid and good enough to beat teams that aren't Spain.

I worry slightly about their attacking prowess, but I worried about that last World Cup and they turned out to be pretty good, and are in better shape now than they were back then. I worry about Michael Ballack's injury. But then again, I have seen Michael Ballack play recently. Sami Khedira is Coach Low's designated BAllack replacement, and should cope reasonably well.

Prediction: The "trying to play it safe in the office prediction competition" man's choice. A good performance is as inevitable as defeat at Stalingrad was. Last war pun there. Losing finalist.

If they were a medical condition: Lung cancer. Can be methodically documented and classified (they love all that, they do). Advances methodically and with irresistable force. Like a Tiger tank in Medal of Honour.

Disclaimer: I am not a filthy racist, I just find it incredibly easy to make racist jokes. In actuality, I am a fan of Germany as a nation. It's contributions to science, music and philosophy have been outstanding, it's economy is a role model for export-centred nations everywhere, and it produces good beer and England defeats. Even German cinema is good (no, not the pornography). Watch The Lives Of Others. Great film.

Australia

Coach: Pim Verbeek. Guus Hiddink-lite. Probably more Guus Hiddink-Zero actually. He has furthered Guus's efforts to curb the Socceroo's attacking temprament, and on the whole seems to be in touch with the strengths of his team.

Team: It doesn't matter what I write here because all Australians are permanently drunk out of their skulls and consequently will not be able to read this.

Get the joke there? Yep, it's obvious really. There is no way Australians could have learnt to read in the first place. Bloody convicts.

And with that I am putting a cap on the cheap racial jokes for a while. Lets get back to the sporting stuff shall we? It really is too easy to come up with racist jokes, and I would imagine you don't read this blog to get inspiration on how to do it.

(N.B. From now on I think I'll just post a section entitled 'How to insult X' in each preview and get it all out of the way. )

So, Australia go to the World Cup as an official member of Asia for the first time. Qualifying was thus a little more difficult than the trips to Vanuatu and Tonga they were used to, but they did a good job of it nonetheless.

The 2006 World Cup demonstrated that Australia could overcome their lack of skilled players by using discipline and playing safety-first football, ending their usual style of random over-enthusiastic attacking. Sadly, they could not overcome the affects of gravity on Fabio Grosso's body, and were out of the knockout stages as soon as they got in.

Can they do one better? Can they at least get as far as last time? Well, it all depends on whether they remain as well-drilled as the Hiddink version of 2006.

Because in terms of players, this side is practically identical to the one that played in Germany. It is rarely the case that players perform better when they are four years older. It is also rarely the case that Craig Moore and Harry Kewell perform at all. And yet, both are crucial to Australia's campaign. The lack of centrehalfs produced over the past 6 or 7 years has been staggering, particularly when compared to the number of big overly-physical lumps Australia has produced in every other sport.

Kewell remains the most naturally gifted Aussie attacker of his generation, but on balance it is Tim Cahill who will be most important to the Socceroo goal threat. His injury problems over this season are hardly ideal. Hopefully he and his spring-loaded boots are rearing to go. There really isn't anyone else who can effectively occupy Cahill's pivot role up front save perhaps Jason Culina, who is slower, less incisive and generally just not as good.

All your other 2006 favourites are still around. Emerton and Bresciano have had poor years, Scott Chippefield is old and Vince Grella may not even be alive anymore. Lucas Neill has had a little run of form in Turkey and good for him. I always quite liked him as a player, and he turned down Liverpool's 'alluring' tradition for wads of cash at West Ham. Good lad.

4-2-3-1 is guaranteed to be the formation. If Verbeek is smart he will utilise Luke Wilkshire as one of the midfield two; he has been good for Twente and Dynamo Moscow (don't ask me to explain he he got from Bristol City to there though). Brett Holman has been decent in Holland as well and could do a job.

Prediction: As I said, it is rare that teams get better after 4 years, and I think the Aussie's will be unable to beat out both the more skilled opponents in Serbia and more youthful ones in Ghana, which is what they will likely need to do to progress. Out in the group stages.

How to insult an Australian: The Ashes. The Rugby League World Cup Final, or indeed anything New Zealand are better at. Insult Fosters. Calling them a convict. Punching Kylie Minogue.

If they were a medical condition: Osteoarthritis. When you reach a certain age, things just aren't going to get any better. They probably won't get much worse mind, but resign yourself to a life of slow movement.


Serbia

Coach: Rade Antic. Experience mainly built up in the Spanish league throughout the 90's. The best quality coach Serbia have had for a while, he has to avoid the problems of previous managers being undermined by wrangling within the Serbian FA and pressure from players' agents with regards bonuses.

Team: The risk here is how much we are willing to trust qualifying results and how much weight past events bring to the table.

Serbia (and Montenegro, still tagging on at the time) qualified easily and impressively for World Cup 2006 and were drawn in the one inevitable Group of Death. The real one mind, not the one that England are always drawn into. Sweden, Paraguay, Trinidad; it's a fix, it's so difficult!

The Netherland ensured Serbia's campaign started on a low, the Argentinean put them to the sword and decimated them, and the Ivory Coast capitalised in the final game. Result, one of the worst records of any team at the competition.

I believe this time will be different. For one thing, Serbia can make a claim to be the most creative team in the group, as opposed to 2006. Jovanovic of Liege, Milos Krasic, standout for CSKA, and European Cup winner and perennial 'why is he still so underrated?' candidate Dejan Stankovic provide the attacking flair, and plenty of it at times. Which is as well, because they aren't going to get much razzle-dazzle from Marko Pantelic, generic Eastern European donkey striker, or Nikola Zigic, generic Eastern European lumbering gigantism and subsequent acromegaly sufferer.

The strength of this team is the back four. Ivanovic has proved he can play right back at the highest level, and for all the criticism levelled at Vidic at various points this season, he remains a potentially dominant centreback, and a patriotic one. He will up his game for Serbia, of that there is no doubt.

Lukovic of Udinese has been solid at centreback, but it has to be noted that he has only truly played as one for this past season. Alexander Kolarov of Lazio is a favourite of mine, a barnstormer at left back with a rocket of a shot. Stereotypical comparisons with John Arne Riise are actually pretty accurate, as we have been able to compare them in the Derby della Capitale this season.

The back four should hopefully keep the heat off Vladimir Stojkovic, generic tall Eastern European useless backup goalkeeper (Marton Fulop got his act from him I suspect), who has been less than convincing in his few outings for Wigan.

Prediction: I think the Serbs will have it in them to beat Australia, and probably Ghana. From there though, they will be in a bit of difficulty as I just can't see where the goals will come from.

How to be insult a Serbian: Ask them why Montenegro has went to join Croatia, Bosnia and the rest of them. Ethnic cleansing jokes. Rip Tito. Say their current Eurovision Song Contest contender is gash. Say how much of a lad Archduke Franz Ferdinand was. Bring a black, Asian, Muslim or Jewish friend along.

If they were a medical condition: Leprosy. Like Yugoslavia, bits fall off.

Ghana

Coach: Milovan Rajevac. The Serb continues a long tradition of Yugoslavian coaches in the Gold Coast. Tactically capable, and localised having not been fired since he took up the job in 2008, making him the longest serving sub-Saharan coach. Which isn't exactly a vote of confidence when you think about it.

Team: Ghana have brought in some young players since 2006. The spine of the team remains the individuals that took the Black Stars through the group stages in Germany.

The team's beating heart remains Michael Essien. The dynamo is truly world class, and is a player any team would relish. Sadly, like so many great talents (Arjen Robben, Rivaldo, Tore Andre Flo) he possesses the Achilles Heel of being injury prone. His season has been turbulent, his form non-existant. Can he realistically be expected to get back on his high horse and go from 0 to 100 after playing virtually no football in 2010?

I say no. This is not good new for Ghana, as Essien is easily the brightest Black Star of the lot and has no replacement. Midfielders Sulley Ali Muntari and Anthony Annan are good quality players; Annan in particular dominated the Norwegian league with Rosenborg (could get another Flo joke in here if I tried hard. Nah, can't be bothered. Much like him). Kwadwo Asamoah has been a breakout young talent for Udinese and completes a strong if quite uninspired midfield. If Essien struggles with the pace, then problems may arise as Stephen Appiah is the next best option. Before signing up with Bologna in January he hadn't played at club level since 2008.

Asamoah Gyan is fast up front and could be troubling, but lacks a finishers touch, an attribute that neither likely other starter Matthew Amoah nor any other striker in the squad possesses. Much like 2006, Ghana will struggle for goals against the well marshalled defences of their group opponents. And the Ghana midfield has a tendancy to overcrowd certain areas of the pitch, leaving space for opposing attacks and offering little support play to attacking moves.

The back 4 is similar in style and performance to Australia's. John Mensah is the most solid option, and Isaac Vorsah is a good prospect. As a whole the defence is decent but certainly not brilliant. Lacking in pace, they manage fine sitting deeper, but will struggle as games become strung out. Brazil scored 2 of their 3 goals on the counter attack in the last 16 game in 2006.

The Ghanaian's lack any real attacking flair. Their most consistant play derives from midfield, from through balls and surging runs. The fullbacks offer something in attack; Inkoom at right back is a decent runner with the ball, and crosses into the box will come mainly from those two players, with the midfielders alternating to cover the space left by the fullbacks pushing up. The team will thus remain solid, but will rarely have enough numbers forward to create easy opportunities. Ghanaian attacks have a tendency to peter out.

Prediction: I feel that Ghana, without a fully fit Essien, will be edged out of contention. It will be a close run thing, as this group in general seems to be, probably decided by only a couple of goals. The Ghanaian's will, sadly, find those goals as rare as gold. If their defence holds up, they could edge through.

(N.B. Essien has since been ruled out of the World Cup entirely, thus confirming the fears I expressed earlier)

How to insult a Ghanaian: 150 years of slavery, 300 years of colonialism, 20 plus years of us dumping our old computers on Accra beach. Question the age of their under-18 team and tell them Michael Essien is actually 57. Ask when the next coup is.

If they were a medical condition: Scurvy (Toothless)? Or Sickle Cell Anaemia (Anaemic in attack, and an easy joke)?

GM

A Tour Man's Excuse

I was originally planning on writing this piece a couple of weeks back. Overcome with pre-exam 'fun', I didn't really get around to doing anything of an insightful nature. But, you'll be glad to know, I'm back, and with nothing but sports to concern myself with until around September!

This originally was going to criticise the Northern Hemisphere tours to the SANZAR nations (now with more Argentina!) for overloading the calender with frankly unnecessary matches, particularly now that the World Cup is nearing. Simply, the players are having to do too much travel and play too many gruelling games; the Tri Nations countries still have that tournament to look forward too, and in particular the teams from the British Isles have had a Lions tour preceeding their domestic and European club seasons. These tests just scream 'Cash Cow'.

That was pretty much all I could think of to say about that issue back when I thought of this piece, and I can't really expand on it much a couple of weeks on. So I think I'll just run through each nations prospects in the upcoming month. I'll cover the Southern Hemisphere sides in the another piece, and will go over the northern hemisphere here.

England: The English, buoyed by the strong showing of their first choice XV against France in the final Six Nations game, now have a real need to evaluate the players who will or will not be part of the World Cup squad next year. England play two tests against Australia, and will look to see if their squad can keep up with the pacy Aussies on their own turf.

There is a lot of dross in the squad. Men like Wigglesworth, Dowson, Flatman, Doran-Jones, Attwood and Ward-Smith will not be near the first team again in any sane world (quite a long list that). Dan Cole and Rob Webber need to stand up against an improved Aussie front row (not hard, they were awful for large swathes of the last 4 years). Haskell needs to show some more potential at 8 and Croft needs to rekindle his Lions form. With the backs, Flood needs to start one of the two tests and show genuine attacking skill, and all the centres need to combine well with whoever is in the 10 shirt.

Cole and Flood

There should be some interest in the performances of Andy Saull, Alex Goode and maybe Tom Varndell with the Saxons.

Ireland: Solitary tests against New Zealand and the Maoris await in the Land of the Long Cloud. Both will be tough, and I don't think they will win either to be honest. The Irish really need to work out some options for when David Wallace, John Hayes, O'Driscoll and the two O's second row pairing retire or get injured. So far, I think they have failed quite badly at identifying and improving the replacements to their current legends.

The touring party will not, though, be that effective at doing so. The squad just doesn't have enough realistic options for the future in it.

What do the Irish want to see? Well, can the forwards hold up to the All Blacks without giving away bags of penalties. With the new rule interpretations at the breakdown, Ireland struggled during the Six Nations to recyle the ball and compete at the coal face. The scrum also needs significant work; loosehead options Healy and Court are terrible scrimmagers, and the Irish pack was obliterated against France.

Sexton should try out running with the ball as he does with Leinster, and in turn Ireland would like to see an improvement in their open field game running game, working to get the ball to Bowe and Kearney more reliably (the Italy game at Croke Park showed this up as an issue). Sexton's kicking also needs to stay consistent.

Wales: The Welsh really failed to take advantage of South Africa fielding a team of oversees players with no cohesion. They should have won, but they allowed the Saffers to dictate the second half and it cost them. At this stage, having had Gatland as coach for some time now, it is dubious that there is much to improve on here, and more likely the Welsh are starting to stagnate. This bodes ill for New Zealand 2011.

New Zealand 2010 shouldn't be troubled by this Welsh outfit. Much like Ireland, the Welsh simply failed to evaluate their future talent. They really need to start now.

A Jonathan Thomas, Ryan Jones and Sam Warburton back row would have had valuable time to form a bond for the future here, but sadly Warburton has withdrawn through injury. Wales really needed to give him test experience such as this, so this will hurt.

________________________________________Captain Jones leads from the back (row)

With the backs, Wales have to find a way to use Jamie Roberts (other than running into the first man he sees). That he hasn't an international try to his name is at travesty of Gatland's management. Tom Prydie needs to avoid embarassement by the streetwise All Blacks, and Mike Phillips simply needs to get back on his horse. Fine, his pass isn't the best, but in my book he is world class simply due to the mismatch he presents in the open field and defensive game.

Scotland: I genuinely trust Andy Robinson to build Scotland up to "reasonably challenging opponent" status, which is as good as we're going to get. What the Scots need to do here is avoid the performances that threw away the Italy Six Nations game and the Argentina test last November.

Two tests against the Argies will be tough, but I genuinely believe that the Scots can win one of the two encounters. They will find greater benefit in the long run by playing their first choice XV as opposed to blooding new players. I want to see the tight 5 moving about the pitch more, lending their weight to more breakdowns. This will come down to a more intelligent gameplan.

I also want to see more creative running in attack, and sharper and faster support to the first ballcarrier. Too often a good break is ruined by the lack of forward support, or the lack of someone to offload to. Continuity in attack is key.

Barclay and Beattie need to continue their good form. Brown needs to carry the ball a bit more, as he did in the Ireland win in March. I want Morrison running with a head of steam instead of just getting immediately hit, and perhaps see Max Evans on the wing to accomodate Alex Grove (below)

France: Keeping this brief, the French merely need to confirm their strength as a team when some of their elements are replaced. How will the threequarterline function without Jauzion? Can the front row depth hold up as well as the first choices have? And is there a reliable replacement for Parra or Trinh-Duc?

They're only playing two games though, so they probably won't answer any of these questions for sure. They will, I think, play a weaker team against Argentina, and thus may well lose. Their first choice team, though, has a good shot at beating the South Africans.

Southern Hemisphere sides coming up next.

GM

The County Scene - Week 9: Epic run chases and Scottish sunshine

I never thought my first experience of watching county cricket north of the border would be in blazing sunshine, but that is exactly what we had yesterday at The Grange as Scotland took on Nottinghamshire in the CB 40. Someone died in the Edinburgh marathon, that's how hot it was (RIP and all that). Being used to cider-intoxicated viewing at Taunton, I was heavily suncreamed up, something my flatmates failed to do to the required standard, hence giving the term Redneck a literal meaning. Unfortunately the match was a little bit of a non-contest, as Notts cantered to a 43 run win, thanks to Graeme White's 5-35 and some lusty hitting in the top order. Scotland played with spirit, with Richie Berrington recording his third successive 50 in the competition, but the limited resources were very apparent. Still, a fun day out was had by all, even those sunburned cricketing virgins from the West Coast!

Bangladesh's woeful form on tour continued at Derby against the England Lions, basically the second string squad, as the result below will testify:

England Lions 296 (Davies 81, Gale 74) and 86-1 beat Bangladesh 220 and 161 (Jahurul Islam 58*, Bopara 4-14) by 9 wickets

This is pure garbage from Bangladesh, on what is not the most spicy wicket is the country - the 2nd test at Old Trafford will really have them on the rack. England have the luxury of being able to rest Paul Collingwood and Stuart Broad for the first test at Lord's, whereas the tourists are sweating over the fitness of their two key players, Tamim Iqbal (hand injury) and skipper Shakib Al Hasan (illness). I don't expect the test to go the full five days in English conditions, if the weather holds, so we should get a full report on the test in next week's entry.

Now, to the epic run chases I eluded to in the title. Three men orchestrated three magnificent chases this week and are all therefore Victoria Sponge Lads of the Week. NB That they have all played for Somerset at some point is of no significance!

Neil McKenzie (Hampshire) - a man with recent test experience, now a Kolpak player at the Rose Bowl. Hampshire have had a disastrous start to the season, mainly because I tipped them to win the thing, and needed a result against high-flying Notts. They managed a narrow first innings lead, thanks to a James Tomlinson 5fer and 96 from in-form Jimmy Adams. However, they had a tough 281 to win on the last day, as Alex Hales (who also smashed Scotland around yesterday for 69) hit a marvellous 136 to keep his team alive. Then McKenzie, who used to tape his bat to toilet seats as superstition (OCD), took over. Coming in at 52-2, he guided his team home with 115* at his usual sedate rate, so much so that it didn't look as though they'd get there in the alloted time. 3 big sixes off Andre Adams put paid to that fear as Hampshire won by two wickets.

James Hildreth (Somerset) - last year, Peter Trego led Somerset home with a massive run chase in the region of 470 on the last day against Yorkshire at Taunton. So, when Jacques Rudolph declared 361 runs ahead, after some buffet bowling from Hildreth and Nick Compton, he really should have known better! At 165-3 at tea, it looked very much as though the match was headed for a draw, after Yorkshire had dominated the first three and a half days, mainly thanks to makeshift opener Adam Lyth. But Hildreth had other ideas, with a destructive 102* off 70 balls, backed by Zander de Bruyn (93) and Jos Buttler (31* off 17, including the winning runs), as the mighty Cidermen got home with 6 wickets and 5 overs to spare. This after a magnificent hundred in the CB 40 the previous week against Sussex!

Wes Durston (Unicorns) - no county contract but still a great striker of a cricket ball is our Wesley! In a weekend where many a thrashing was handed out in the CB 40 (notably by Hampshire and Surrey), one result really caught the eye - the record 40 over run chase by the unfancied Unicorns against Sussex, for their second successive victory. There was no real surprise when Sussex racked up 325-4 from their overs, bolstered by the return of world champions Luke Wright and Michael Yardy, the captain. At 84-2, you would have thought that the inexperienced batting would collapse against a strong limited overs bowling attack. In walked Durston, only for an hour. When he finished, he'd made 117 off 68 balls, with 13 fours and 5 sixes at the small Arundel ground. Former Worcestershire keeper Josh Knappett saw them home.

LADS
RM

Patriot Game will just be enough in AFC East

I was interested to read recently on NFL.com about a poll, in which people were asked which AFC Divisional Champion is least likely to retain their crown. Unsurprisingly, the Cincinnati Bengals topped the list, having had a rough time down the stretch and with rivals the Baltimore Ravens having strengthened significantly in the off-season. What did catch my eye was the 34% of people who thought the New England Patriots would struggle this year - I wasn't sure that I agreed. As such, I thought I'd look through that division to begin a new series through the off-season.

New England Patriots - it is important to start by saying that the Pats are not the team they once were - 3 Superbowls in the last decade under Tom Brady and Bill Belichick led to them being rightly dubbed "Team of the Decade". But QB Brady has since suffered injuries and last season came back not quite as sharp as he had once been - perhaps the surprise element of a 6th round selection done good has gone. And really, the big players on the offense in general are getting a bit long in the tooth - RB Fred Taylor and WR Randy Moss are both entering their 13th pro seasons. However, Brady will have a new weapon in TE Rob Gronkowski, a 2nd round pick out of Arizona, replacing Benamin Watson, who's gone to Cleveland. The defense remains hit-and-miss but they'll be happy to have retained the services of DT Vince Wilfork and picked up CB Devin McCourty. Much depends on the fitness of WR Wes Welker, Brady's go-to man so often last year, after a double knee ligament injury has cast a question mark over his participation in 2010. However, the fact that they keep teams at bay in terms of points and have many offensive weapons available should ensure that the Pats retain their AFC East crown. 11-5

New York Jets - ah the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets. AFC Conference runners-up last year more in spite of rookie QB Mark Sanchez than because of him, although he did show flashes of potential at times (combined with flashes of idiocy). That they were the best rushing team in the league last year points towards Rex Ryan's strategy, although much will now depend on 2nd year RB Shonn Greene now that the veteran Thomas Jones has gone to Kansas City (good luck with that mate!), although they did pick up LaDanian Tomlinson on free agency, despite the guy clearly being past it. Sanchez can call on Braylon Edwards, Jericho Cotchery and bad boy Santonio Holmes, newly arrived from Pittsburgh, to improve his numbers, protected by the best O-Line going, led by the Pain Train himself, D'Brickashaw Ferguson. But it is in the defense, particularly the secondary that the Jets have an advantage over their rivals. With Darelle Revis at CB, opponents seriously have their deep passing options restricted, something that will only decrease if rookie Kyle Wilson lives up to his potential. Add in Antonio Cromartie, another former Charger, and you have serious competition. The Jets could win the divison at a canter. But they won't. Why? Because of the new stadium and the need to adjust accordingly - homefield advantage will not be so marked this year. But a wildcard slot should be their's. 10-6

Miami Dolphins - the re-emergence of troubled RB Ricky Williams and the potential of QB Chad Henne as the starter are all the Dolphins really had to smile about last year. The defense was pretty patchy and the offense lacked bit when it really counted, so a losing record was the least they could have expected. They addressed their defensive problems in the draft, with Jared Odrick and Koa Misi brought in to bolster the line. Then came the marquee signing of WR Brandon Marshall from the Denver Broncos (God knows why they let their star receiver go with their uncertain QB situation). He will be sidelined until training camp with injury but is a proven force in the NFL and will hopefully teach an inexperienced offense. A winning record is possible but probably 8-8, on the outside looking in.

Buffalo Bills - a bit of a laughing stock really, with only Jarius Byrd making the Pro Bowl, no surprise when you consider the success in stopping the passing game that he had in 2009, leading the NFL with 9 picks. They now have a new head coach in Chan Gailey and have cut ties with WR Terrell Owens and the circus of coverage that comes as part of the package. This was a sensible decision, but to have 3 QBs, all of whom I believe are not good enough to start in the NFL, and not know which one to play having ignored Jimmy Clausen in the draft is beyond me. So will it be Trent Edwards, Ryan Fitzpatrick or Brian Brohm? And with all this uncertainty, shouldn't they really have drafted an O-Lineman high up to protect these liabilities? No, they waited until the 5th round when they selected the pioneeringly big Chinese-born Ed Wang at T. The running game should be exciting, with Clemson rookie CJ Spiller joining Marshawn Lynch in the backfield but other than that I can't see a great season ahead for these boys. But they do have one of the best punters in the league... 4-12

RM

The County Scene: Week 8 - A mixed week for Essex

It's been a pretty dramatic week at Chelmsford. Well, as dramatic as anything can be in county cricket! Let's start with the bad - the arrest of bowlers Mervyn Westfield and Danish Kaneria in relation to spot-fixing allegations made after a Pro40 match against Durham in September. For those of you who don't know, spot-fixing is basically like match fixing but so much more petty and therefore harder to get caught. Unless you are an idiot. So bets were made relating to the number of runs off an over and when the first wide would be bowled. Minor things like that, which have no overall outcome of the match. Kaneria is a test match bowler with great pedigree and Westfield is a young player with potential - why bother jeopardising your career for such trivialities? How desperate are these guys?

Anyway, those that remained untarnished took to the field against Bangladesh in their second county warm-up of the tour. Here are the results from the two games:

Surrey 318/7d (Spriegel 108*, Meaker 94) and 313/3d (Afzaal 159*, Evans 98) drew with Bangladesh 372/6d (Jahurul Islam 158, Mohammad Ashraful 89)

Essex 313 (Maunders 126, Shahadat Hossain 4-72, Robiul Islam 4-77) and 130/5 beat Bangladesh 231 (Mohammad Ashraful 58, Chambers 4-32) and 211 (Mohammad Ashraful 61) by 5 wickets

So basically it's as we expected. Bangladesh have progressed so far in limited overs cricket recently but still struggle when it comes to first class and Test cricket - the run rates in the Essex game reflect a lack of responsibility about the batting - 3.8 and 4.65 runs per over respectively - all very well if you don't lose wickets to what is a frankly average attack, one of whom, Tony Palladino, was loaned out to Kent during the game! The bowlers also failed to extract anything from the flat Oval wicket, suggesting a lack of penetration in an attack based on spinners. You'd expect England to soundly thrash them in both tests. But well done to the young Surrey and Essex sides, who showcased players of real potential and also to Mohammad Ashraful, a wonderfully gifted batsman looking back in form after a lean spell of several years!

Finally, the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award:

Jos Buttler (Somerset) - I panicked when Craig Kieswetter jetted off to glory in the West Indies - I thought we would be left with Sam Spurway as our stumper, an average keeper who offers nothing with the bat. Instead we got Buttler, who was recommended to me by a reader (OK, it was my brother) as a potential VSLotW winner after his 144 against Hampshire in the Championship. I said no, purely because the Rose Bowl pitched resembled a road, where only 22 wickets fell in the four days - Sean Ervine also posted 237*. Then I changed my mind, when Buttler proved he is also adept in the one day game with 69 off 53 in a chase of 292 against leaders Sussex. Ok so the real star was James Hildreth (100* off 66) but just for filling some big boots so adeptly (he's not a bad keeper either and Dominic Cork no less was impressed with what he saw), local boy Buttler gets the requested nomination.

Gareth Berg (Middlesex) - These boys have been awful this year. So it came as a relief when they thrashed Derbyshire by an innings and 35 runs in the Championship. Berg picked up 3 wickets with his medium pace but it is his 125 at a run a ball in his team's 374 that really made a difference. Steven Finn (4-19 in the 2nd innings) and Neil Dexter (112) also contributed to a fine performance that kick-started Middlesex's season. Berg also went well with the bat against the Netherlands in the CB 40 before the rain arrived with 53 off 42.

The Scotland team - in between the Monaco Grand Prix and World Twenty20 final, I flicked onto the Leicestershire v Scotland match in the CB 40. Scotland always compete in domestic one-day competitions and always lose - they made up of merely "good" club cricketers and I myself play with guys who have played age group cricket for the national side. So to pull out such a performance against a team featuring Paul Nixon, Andrew McDonald and captain Matthew Hoggard was outstanding. They bowled really tight lines as a team to restrict the Grace Road outfit to 217-7 (du Toit 55 off 76, Taylor 51 off 70, Goudie 3-45). They then held their nerve to chase down their target with 4 wickets and 2 balls left, led by overseas star George Bailey and man of the match Richie Berrington (51 off 52). I intend to go to the Grange to see the boys play Nottinghamshire next weekend, so hopefully this form and team effort will continue.

The winner - Jos Buttler... LAD.
RM

For What Use Is The Competitiveness?

Having spent the last week effectively experiencing the life of a hermit due to dreaded exam revision, I must say I was looking forward to watching Glasgow take on the Ospreys in the first ever Magners League playoff semi-final.

Evidently, not that many others shared my enthusiasm. A paltry 7000 turned out at the Liberty Stadium to watch what was undoubtedly an important game. Surely there is precious little else to do in Wales on a Friday night?

These playoffs were supposed to solve the problem of low attendances. By the governing bodies' view, people didn't attend matches due to a lack of competitiveness. A foregone conclusion isn't exactly the best way to spend your afternoon. And while I feel that the playoff format is a good idea, it evidently failed to capture the imaginations of the Ospreys supporters, no doubt still moaning about how it was a fix-up job in San Sebastien.

I was pleased that there was a not insignificant travelling support, but their vocal nature is hardly replicated back at 'fortress' Firhill. It would seem that, in spite of the minor boost in attendances and enthusiasm that being near the top of the league table brings, the Warriors, and also Edinburgh, are still failing to connect with anyone besides the type of people who have watched rugby for years, and those people's children.

Is it an attitude problem? Partly, I believe so. Rugby doesn't exactly come across as a champion of the honest, working man in Scotland. Most of Glasgow would dismiss it out of hand as a game for posh twats. That is, if they were even aware it was actually being played in Glasgow at all.

It's certainly true that the clientele at Firhill and Murryfield aren't the most socially inclusive; you see a lot of tweed jackets and briefcases at times. But it is also true that I grew up having never really played any rugby until I went to university. I had no real interest in it until at least the age of 16, and I did not know a single person who thought any differently.

And now, I bloody love the sport. One of the highlights of my week is lacing my boots up and stepping onto the pitch. If I can go from rugby novice to rugby nut, then others can too. They just need a bit of exposure to it.

Perhaps the Scottish media could cease publishing 16 pages a day on Rangers and Celtic and make the Warriors, Edinburgh and the national side more prominant. Perhaps national papers could actually put a word in about the Magners League for once (the Guardian, I'm looking at you). It's a unique league with fascinating variety between its constituent regions, particularly when the Italians join the party next year.

And finally, perhaps BBC Scotland news could have at least mentioned the fact that the game was on last night, instead running with a sports section devoted entirely to the Scottish Cup final. Give Ross County and Dundee United some coverage please, they have earned it. But don't fawn over them at the expense of everything else. They do this fawning every year because of the sad attitude that they need to give non Old-Firm teams Old-Firm style coverage every so often so as to not come across as biased and blinkered. Which, incidently, they fail at spectacularly.

Here's some news for you guys. There was actually an important match on last night featuring a team that represents the entire city of Glasgow. Perhaps if you aknowledged that, some more people might start caring about it.

GM

Hamilton needs to play smarter to win in 2010

It was during one of my many sporting conversations with my dad on the phone that we reached a disagreement. Having discussed England's surprising form in the Twenty20 World Cup, the Premier League climax and what the 2010-11 season holds in store for Livingston, we got on to possibly his favourite subject, the Formula One. "I couldn't believe it," he said "a puncture on the penultimate lap! How unlucky is that?"

The next day, I read how the "unlucky" driver in question, Lewis Hamilton, was quoted giving a similar view on things following his retirement from the Spanish Grand Prix, "This is the third or fourth time this has happened to me. Some guys go through their whole careers without a puncture." Well, I don't believe in coincidences and reckon that Hamilton needs to start taking note of the changes in the regulations that have been put in place for 2010 if he is to mount a serious challenge for a second World Championship.

I remember a race a few years ago at the Nuerburgring (a great place for a day out, but best not take the hire car on the old track nearby as we did!) where Kimi Raikkonen led the race from the start until the last lap, whereby his tyres gave out on the last lap and he was left with nothing. Raikkonen was unprepared to come into the pits, at a time when refuelling was still permitted, as it would have compromised his strategy and caused him to lose points to title rivals Fernando Alonso and the good Michael Schumacher (it worries me that I may have become a long-term F1 fan by remembering a time when Schumacher was good, Jenson Button was crap and no-one knew who Lewis Hamilton was). In the end he had nothing, having pushed his tyres to the limit in a bid to stay ahead of his rivals. Raikkonen's aggressive driving style is akin to that of Hamilton's, especially on Sunday when Lewis was unrealistically pushing to catch race winner Mark Webber.

With the new regulations, pit stops are kept to a minimum to change tyres - it is then the responsibility of the driver to make the best of those tyres and not have to stop again if they burn out. It may not encourage flat out racing at all times, but it does at least level the playing field to an extent, so that any one of 4 teams could win a race. However, it does benefit those with a stereotypically "smooth driving style" like Button, Alonso or Sebastien Vettel. I don't think you will see these guys suffering a puncture any time soon. However, Hamilton drives so close to the limit at all times that he is a slight error away from disaster.

And that's why he's the most exciting driver of a generation - he is brilliant and unpredictable. That is something that Dad and I are both agreed on but for this season at least he must pull things back and play the game sensibly.
RM

No I insist, after you - the Premier League season in review

Apart from the inevitable doom that befell Portsmouth, nothing was predictable in the 2009-10 Premiership. Most teams had matches of some relevance right up until the end of April, with battles for the title, 4th place and that to avoid relegation seemingly involving all of the 20 teams at one time or another. However, for me, rather than indicating an exciting, high quality league where anything can happen, I would prefer to take the standpoint that this season has been one where teams have been their own worst enemies and have failed to seize the initiative at crucial times. The best and worst teams got their just rewards in the end but they generally took a rather torturous route to get there.

We can start with the title race. Manchester United were looking to clinch a 4th consecutive title and finally shut Liverpool fans up by taking a record 19th league championship in all. And, when you look back over the course of the season, they can reflect on plenty of results that got away from them. Defeat to Burnley at Turf Moor in August (a time when many looked on Brian Jensen as a great shot-stopper as opposed to the reality - a fat bastard) was a prime example. Also the 2-2 draw with Sunderland, when Fergie seemed more interested in the fitness of Alan Wiley, and the stalemate at Ewood Park coming after defeat to Chelsea - what turned out to be the fatal body blow. However, the fact of the matter is that Man U are a team in transition, carried in the big games by the bulldog-like approach of Wayne Rooney (a description usually reserved for Carlos Tevez on FIFA) and a Scotsman. The Glazer fiasco means they are no longer the most attractive prospect for Europe's finest players and must make do with what they have, something that becomes a struggle when you factor in all the time the first choice defence spent with the physio.

Chelsea deserved the title, but they too were guilty of spurning the opportunities to run away with it. After beginning the Ancelotti era with 6 wins out of 6, they promptly lost to Wigan (who would definitely be schizophrenia if they were a medical condition. Maybe nephrotic syndrome - they let everything through!). Then came the horror run which included their dumping out of the Champions League to Inter, allowing both Man U and Arsenal to gain an edge, coincidentally the same time that John Terry and Ashley Cole were giving the red-tops something to write about other than immigrants taking our jobs. It took a roasting from Ancelotti and Abramovich (in which the words Christmas, Party and Cancelled must have been mentioned) for the tide to turn and they finished with aplomb. Arsenal, as per usual, looked great for little return. A 3-0 defeat to Chelsea in November had Arsene Wenger writing them off but a great run into the New Year saw them back into the running. Then they cocked it up again. They are a lovely team - Fabregas, Arshavin and Nasri all have phenomenal talent, but they are too lightweight to cope against the likes of Stoke and West Ham, who will basically try and kick you up in the air, as Aaron Ramsey will testify.

The race for Europe and all its infinite riches also provided plenty of competition. This time, Tottenham managed to keep their dinner down and see off Man City, thanks to some generous keeping from Marton Fulop, formally of Spurs. I actually really enjoy watching both of these teams, as well as Aston Villa, and it is great to see the monopoly of the "Big Four" being so comprehensively broken. Especially when Liverpool are the ones made to suffer! Again, that fourth spot changed hands so regularly as no-one seemed keen to make it their own until the very last minute - I wouldn't place much hope on Spurs progressing too far in the Champions League with this kind of consistency, although they will be able to invest in new talent over the summer, a luxury that City will also have but Villa will not. Big Five anyone?

Relegation was a clear cut matter. West Ham, Wigan and Bolton may all be a bit shit but they at least have players like Scott Parker, Hugo Rodallega and erm... Matty Taylor who can turn a game. Less so Burnley, who never had the resources to sustain Premiership status and Portsmouth, who are grateful for a player, let alone one who can turn a game. It was Hull who disappointed me most. Guys like Ghilas, Altidore, Geovanni and Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink promised much up front. They didn't deliver and deserved to go down, although Phil Brown must have a lovely garden by now.

While I think of it, aside from Rooney and maybe Joe Hart and James Milner, can anyone name an England player who seriously enhance their case for inclusion for the World Cup? And please don't say Adam Johnson or Ledley King, the man with the knees that can be seen from space, they will be squad players at best. This has been a year where it's been more about the team and less about the individual - a lesson which Capello would do well to learn from when choosing his team for South Africa. I fail to see the point in playing a fading player like Steven Gerrard when a guy like Milner or Barry would fit a system more effectively.

Anyway, enough tips to England from me or I'll be driven out of Edinburgh!
RM

World Cup Preview: Group C

England




Coach: Fabio Capello. Don Fabio has been given the trust (see massive pay package) of the FA, and now must deliver. Astute if not ambitious, but ambition and creativity are generally not seen as World-Cup winning attributes. His defensive-minded, let the skilled players do their thing without fear approach sits well with England. It is how he galvanises the team's mentality and whether or not he can unite and focus them that will determine their fate.

Team: Capello is a noted art enthusiast. His favourite artist, Kandinsky, created modern abstract classics. Of Composition VII, Kandinsky stated "it was the most complex work I have ever created".

What does this have to do with anything? Well, it is a fairly tenuous way of saying that winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge. Without just saying "winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge".

Much like Composition VII was Kandinsky's finest work (in my opinion of course. You'll have to go to Moscow if you want to view it personally to find out), a World Cup triumph would be Fabio's finest hour. You sense that he relishes the task.

England have strong options all over the park, and have players of individual talent at least the equal of the world's best. England's players do everything well. Perhaps not quite as strong in one area as top Spanish passers Xavi and Iniesta, or as incisive as the Brazilians, but Lampard, Gerrard et al possess a physicality and a big game style toughness that few can match.

England can run a team off the park, but it is only of late that they have learned how to do so without having to constantly sprint around like 6 year olds in the playground themselves. When before, particularly in 2006, they would rely on simply having more legs than the opposition to force inevitable mistakes, they can now mix that stamina with a more measured attacking game. As a result, they match up well against any opposition.

Go back to Kandinsky though, and the crux of the issue is laid bare. Without focus, without balance, Composition VII would have merely been some painted shapes and colours draped on a canvas with no feeling or emotive meaning.

England have for too long assumed that their collective individual talents could overcome the inbalance that inevitably occured in the team when said talents were all accomodated (by being played out of position). Think Scholes wide left, Lampard and Gerrard together, Gerrard on the left wing (frankly anyone played on the left wing of late). England need to realise that creating a balanced team is paramount when winning the World Cup is the objective. With Barry in midfield, hell even with Heskey up front with Rooney, I think they may finally be getting the message.

The tactics. To be honest, you already know really. Not that exciting, not that much to write home about. They are simply effective when at their best. 4-4-2, Barry holding, Lampard drifting in front of him Gerrard cutting in and Rooney drifting wide left as he does with Man U. Heskey...well, have a look at the Emile Heskey Drinking Game on Facebook. That sums his game up rather nicely.

Rooney is what I think of as England's 'or' option. As in, " Lampard shoots from distance and scores, or Rooney grabs the rebound", " Terry heads in the corner, or Rooney hits a ridiculous volley from the clearance. Top corner. Boom"

Prediction: If England have gained the sufficient mental edge, then they go to the final. If not then exit stage quarter-finals at best. I don't think there is a middle ground here. Siding with the latter until they show me otherwise.

If they were a medical condition: Brain tumour. Compresses the Vestibulocochlear nerve, causing the disorders of balance, and also disturbs hearing, which usefully drowns out any doubting voices saying that it is in fact not 'our time'. Disturbs higher mental functions, leading to irrational obsession and single-minded lack of objectivity. Symptoms get worse as tumour grows. Flare ups every four years. Interestingly, symptoms made worse by alcohol.

United States




Coach: Bob Bradley. Experienced MLS coach in his day, and so has a good feel of which US-based players are on form. Like many coaches in American 'soccer', has an Anglophone view of the game. As such, his teams are rigid and compact, hustling their opponents.

Team : I am intelligent enough to distinguish between Football and American Football. Why can't Americans call American Football 'Football' and our Football 'Association Football' or something. I will not have the American sports media pandered to and refer to the word 'soccer', which I'm sure you'll agree is a simply hideous sounding piece of work.

If you don't like that America, well then I'll...I'll. Wait, come back. Where have you gone? Oh yes, that's right. No-one really cares about football beyond the seemingly compulsory backing of whatever branch of Team USA to put on an upset no matter the sport. The Miracle on Ice against the Soviets, the win over England in the 50's. Ideological differences or not, the Americans seem to just love beating people at sports that they themselves are apathetic about. Perhaps that's why they don't care about football much.

The US national team actually gets shafted a bit by this mentality, because on the whole they are pretty worthy of support. They punch above their weight given that their players are in the most part squad level talents on the European scene. The MLS has admittedly improved its standards of late. With its expansion into Philadelphia and Seattle it would also seem to be becoming distinctly more even. In fact, it was always a little too level a playing field. The US football community probably could have done with one dominant team to hate against. In general, that tends to raise interest and standards, if only for that one team.

South Africa was pretty fruitful to the Americans last year, with the US performing well at the Confederations Cup. Call it a fluke, call it irrelevant, but accept that it was certainly beneficial in terms of team cohesion and experience.

America are a combative team, although their lack of athleticism means that they struggle to match up against quality teams for extended periods (see the second half of the Confed Cup final versus Brazil when Brazil actually start trying). They are, though, experienced as in general many of their internationals started off young, and played an above-average number of under 17, 19 or 20 games.

The target man is still a prominant part of Team USA's game. Jozy Altidore and Brian Ching will probably start, and both can win the ball in the air. As such, the US put a lot of crosses into the box, many coming from the fullbacks. Partly, this is because their wingers are not up to the task of beating their opposing wingbacks with any regularity.

The back four is slow but experienced and well-drilled. They should hold up reasonably well. As should the midfield, where the coaches son Michael Bradley does good work, and could earn a move to a bigger club than Monchengladbach after the tournament.

Prediction: Second, then knocked out by Germany. They'll relish that game though, another chance to smash up some Teutons. Did they mention that they saved our asses in World War Two and that we should be eternally thankful? No, well then we should. Our special relationship eh?

If they were a medical condition: Headlice living in the hair of Troy Polamalu, Lebron James and Manny Ramirez

Slovenia




Coach: Matjaz Kek. Successful league winner as player and coach with Slovenian big dogs Maribor Lasco (apparently they're called MK Maribor now). Worked as youth team coach. Got promoted. Little else to say really.

Team: I've tried really hard to come up with something humerous to say about the Slovenians, but the fact is I simply can't come up with anything. My colleague Mr. Miller can attest to this. For a man who prides himself on his sharp wit and pointless knowledge this is extremely distressing, so please feel some sympathy.

(Disclaimer. Before we start, I apologise for the lack of appropriate accents and characters in the names of players. I'm sure you'll manage. If you do have a problem then please, please keep it to yourself. You are wierd.)

The Slovenians were certainly underdogs to reach South Africa, as they were matched up against the strong Russians in the playoffs. That they triumphed over the two legs hints that they are solid performers.

Solid, but little more in this bloggers humble opinion. I just do not feel they will pose a threat to make the knockout stages. There is just not enough in the bag to gain the required victories. Heck, I actually fancy Algeria more than the Slovenians, even though the evidence is to the contrary, because of some deep hope of an unusual team doing well. Admit it, you all have those feelings. Most just do well to repress them. Well, I'm stepping out from the shadows!

Slovenia are solidly organised and tough to break down, as evident in the playoff games. They are little else though.

They possess a solid keeper in Samir Handanovic. The big 6'5" stopper is one of Serie A's best and is underrated. A team like Milan or Arsenal could do far worse. The rest of the defence is solid and physical, yet limited. Basically just a group of no-namers then (while I would not consider Bostjan Cesar of ex-Marseille fame a no-namer, I accept that any sane person would).

Midfield creativity comes mainly from Robert Koren, who is also captain. At least they can say he plays in the Premier League now (STOP PRESS - No he doesn't. He got cut). Everyone else, meh. Other than Valter Birsa, who is another central attacking option playing well for an overachieving Auxerre team in France.

Upfront they have the unprolific Zlatko Dedic and the reasonable Milivoje Novakovic, both plying their trade in the Bundesliga. I once made Novakovic tournament top scorer in a Beyond the Cliche Towers FIFA 10 World Cup competition. I would advise against betting that this sets a precedent in the real world.

4-1-2-1-2 is the standard formation. There isn't much pace out on the wings, so look for play to be channeled inwards towards Koren, and for the forwards to recieve the ball to feet, probably with their backs to goal. Decent from set pieces, they scored their ultimately crucial away goal in Moscow from a corner in the 88th minute.

Prediction: Second bottom. Fade to irrelevance.

If they were a medical condition: Subclinical hypotension. No-one really notices it, and it is often mistaken for something with similar symptoms. Like Slovakia.

Algeria




Coach: Rabah Saadane, managing Algeria for the fifth non-consecutive time. Evidently not in possession of the most coveted job in the world then. Has concentrated on improving the morale and overall image of the team since taking on the job again in late 2007.

Team: Les Fennecs will have to look to another Desert Fox if they wish to seriously contemplate the knockout stages of the competition.

Field Marshall Rommel fielded a disciplined, well organised and effective side who knew when to strike and what their limitations were. Unfortunately for him, he suffered from external influences and was up against superior firepower which ultimately knocked him out of contention (Comparing the Afrika Korps to a football team. Check. Where else eh?). Algeria will need to summon some of up his spirit in order to achieve some success in South Africa.

I don't think Coach Saadane will be driven to suicide for his failures by his boss as dear old Erwin was, but his preparations could certainly suffer, as Rommel's did, from unrealistic expectations from the public back home. If too much pressure is put on the team to perform it can only end badly, particularly as many of their key players, Bougherra, Meghni and Belhadj, are fighting to get back some fitness and may end up overpressured.

Algeria have benefited of late by players choosing to represent them as opposed to migrating towards the national sides of European nations. Zidane set the precedent for this, and with so many Algerian plying their trade in France it has proved quite a task to identify and keep players affiliated to the North African state instead of their former colonial master.

The play of Karim Ziani is key to the team getting goals, and seeing as he has had a torrid time in Germany since moving to Wolfsburg, the signs aren't exactly promising.

The back four is pretty big and strong, but bear in mind that their best defender plays for Rangers. A more disparaging indictment I do not know of.

Striking options are basically those of Saudi Arabia and Iran at previous World Cups: high scoring domestically, lumbering, off-the-pace and generally lacking virtue internationally.

Prediction: They had better hope they don't beat the US, as that would draw attention to themselves and, seeing as they are the sole Muslim nation at this World Cup, they would probably end up on the Axis of Evil. Can they progress? Maybe. Will they? Almost certainly not. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. You guess.

If they were a medical condition: Is Islamic Fundamentalism a disease yet?
GM

The County Scene: Week 7 - Bangladesh Under 23s in town

Oh sorry, I appear to have made a mistake from the off - the children currently playing Surrey (who in turn have fielded an inexperienced XI) in a tour match at the Oval are the actual Bangladesh national team! None of this team are over 25, although Mohammad Ashraful, the enigma wrapped in a mystery all bound together by a conundrum, is already celebrating his 100th first-class appearence. This indicates a squad with experience beyond their years, yet the fact remains that they cannot regularly compete with the big guns, despite plenty of promising performances from individuals, with the likes of Tamim Iqbal, Mahmudullah and the captain Shakib Al Hasan putting their hands up to be counted in the last few months. This tour, which includes 2 tests and 3 ODIs against England, followed by matches against Ireland, Holland and Scotland (which they must win), is a big one for Bangladesh. They cannot afford to keep chopping and changing their lineup, discarding duds and bringing in youngsters. The current squad needs to prove themselves worthy of a place in the side, keep that place and push on to break into the cricketing elite.

As for the match itself, it appears to be a useful exercise for both teams - although the cold (man up, I played in Aberdeen last week) London weather is not quite what the tourists were experiencing in St Lucia last week! Bangladesh looked as though they had the better of the day, reducing Surrey to 135-6, thanks to the uncapped Robiul Islam's 3-67. However, experience told as two of the regular first-teamers, Matthew Spriegel and Stuart Meaker, lifted them to 318-7d. Spriegel looked patient in compiling 108*, while Meaker, a pace bowler of whom Surrey have high hopes, recorded a career best 94 before being trapped in front by Shahadat Hossain. The tourists reached 12-0 at the close with no alarms and no surprises as Radiohead might say.

It is worth noting at this point that I am expanding The County Scene to include home internationals and tour matches. But you probably got that from the above verbosity. Anyway, who is the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week? Read on...

Zander de Bruyn (Somerset) - I expressed a wish last week that Somerset would start standing up and five of them duly obliged. It could be Alfonso Thomas or Damien Wright for their bowling heroics in the drawn Championship match with Lancashire. It could be Peter Trego for 108 off 88 in the same game. But then came yesterday's run chase against the Unicorns at Taunton, the second CB 40 win of the week. 234-3 with 17 balls remaining is impressive, all the more so at 9-2. de Bruyn hit 106*(110), in a partnership of 149 with James Hildreth (a stunning 84 off 54). De Bruyn was also in the runs in the championship game and contributed with the ball all week, so he gets the nod. An experienced campaigner, who far from disgraced himself in his 3 test apprearences for South Africa (his 3 wickets were Tendulkar and Ganguly twice), he has since brought his considerable skills to Taunton in all forms of the game - a real go-to man for Marcus Trescothick.

Mark Wagh (Nottinghamshire) - not to be confused with Mark Waugh, the man with the best nickname of all time in cricket - Afghanistan, the forgotten Waugh, after playing second fiddle to brother Steve for Australia. This Mark Wagh led his team to a rain affected 5 wicket win over struggling Hampshire, who seem cursed by my prediction that they would win the league! A rapid unbeaten 131 on the last day, backed up by 54 from Hashim Amla, took Notts to the target of 245 after 4 closely-fought days. Michael Carberry again carried Hampshire's batting with 132 and Steven Mullaney hit an unbeaten ton in the first innings to lift his first-class average to an outrageous 89! But it was Wagh who stole the show. A man who has been around the scene for 14 years now, although never really getting close to the England squad, he has a batting average of 40 and a safe pair of hands in the slips.

Steven Patterson (Yorkshire) - a great week for the lad. While normal first choice seamers Tim Bresnan and Ajmal Shahzad enjoy success (Bresnan) or time on the golf course (Shahzad) for England, Patterson has assured the typically grumpy Headingley members that they need not be missed. Career best figures of 5-50 against Essex in the championship set his side up for a crushing innings and 96 runs victory, helped by centuries from Andrew Gale and Anthony McGrath lifting Yorkshire to 516. He then recorded further List A best figures of 6-32 against Derbyshire, bowling them out for 141 as they won by 100 runs. However, an economy rate of 5.5 an over may stand against him in the final count.

The winner - jury is hung, in keeping with everything going on this week! Steven Patterson and Mark Wagh... LADS
RM

World Cup Preview: Group B

Group B

Argentina




Coach: Diego "He put the English Out Out Out" Maradona. Appointed, I can only assume, because somebody put a bet on to find the silliest candidate for the job that would thus scupper their chances of winning the World Cup. Evidently Barry Chuckle, Susan Boyle or the rejected candidates from Over the Rainbow weren't available (Saturdays, BBC1. Highly recommended by the Beyond the Cliche team.
I quite like Sophie.). Either that, or they were rewarding his previous international career. In other news, John Barnes and Trevor Sinclair to take over the England reins. Kleberson says Brazil job is better than Carlisle in the Worthington Cup.

Team: I will struggle with this section, as Argentina have gone through 8 keepers, 33 defenders, 36 midfielders and 20 attackers of varying talent in the past year.

What is certain is that the team to face Nigeria in their opening game will contain some prodigious talents; Messi, Aguero, Milito, Higuain and Tevez could feature up front, Mascherano and Angel Di Maria in midfield.

What is also true is that, thanks to Maradona, the team will almost certainly contain a few idiotic choices. Championship standout Fabricio Coloccini will take a break from the £77,000 a week Newcastle pay him to get skinned by Darren Ambrose and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, and will take on the world's best. Jonas Gutierrez will probably start. Maradona appreciates his 'running and tackling'. In spite of the fact that he is a winger. And Argentina have some of the best attacking talent the in the world to play. But they choose one who can run and tackle. Against Derby.

Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. They have Leo Messi, who hasn't really shone at all at international level. Of course, if his teammates pass it around as well as they did in 2006 (remember the decimation of Serbia?) then he could pretty much romp through the weak group.

Defensive options are stronger than they usually have been, mainly because Martin Demichelis and Walter Samuel are both in good form, something that doesn't happen often. Therefore, their individual slip-ups should be less severely punished. As for full backs, well they had better take Javier Zanetti. He deserves it and they'll need him if they run into some decent wingers.

All Argentinean goalkeepers are ropey, and have god-awful technique. And as a keeper I have lots of experience of poor technique...

Tactics then. Flat back four, with the fullbacks attacking less now that Juan Sorin isn't around. Pretty slow defense, so they sit deep, which allows play to feet around the Argentine box. Mascherano is thus the key in midfield, holding alongside probably Battaglia and disrupting the short passing game. Usually two wide attackers, one target man and a centre forward sitting behind.

Prediction: I am actually pretty high on the Argentines, although the above stuff might not seem so. A lot of the players that are usually shaky have been solid of late (basically, the centre backs. Ultimately, it remains to be seen how long the team can carry the manager before they encounter a game in which tactics and manager-ing (New word. The act of managing) are required. I think that won't be until at least the quarter finals. In fact, I'm going to put them through to the semifinals. Risky? Yes, undoubtedly. But it'll look damn good if it actually happens.

If they were a medical condition: The menopause. God knows which combination of symptoms/ players it'll hit you with. Can leave you hot and flustered and dry and... well, I'll leave it at that.

Korea, Republic of




Coach: Huh Jung-Moo, who was in charge prior to the 2002 World Cup. Brought back in 2007 after every foreign coach declined the offer. Not exactly Mr. Popular amongst the home media, and struck up some initial discort amongst the players. Not going to win them any games a la Guus.

Team: I never thought I'd actually have to clarify that it's the Republic of Korea I'm previewing and not the North, but football is a funny game where consumerism and communism can clash without a tank in sight.

Thankfully there is no chance of the two Korea's meeting. It would have been one hell of a cool occasion, but I fancy the troops would be massing on the 38th Parallel if the North lost. Actually, probably if they won as well.

Korea have, like Argentina, been keen on blooding new talent prior to the World Cup, mostly because they sat back on their golden generation of 2002 until they lost their shine and didn't buy any new gold.

If anything, it was probably fools gold anyway. When Korea played in the 2006 tournament they didn't do very well. Sadly children, the lesson is that not all World Cups can be held in Korea.

Tactically speaking, Korea play the same 4-3-3 that they did in 2006. In general, they are a pressing team with the wingers dropping back quickly and often and the midfield three fanning out alongside them. The pretty decent Lee Chung-Yong and Yeom Ki-Hoon are favourites for the wing spots. Park and The Hoover Kim Nam-Il will do the midfield bustle. Whoever is up front, probably the unimpressive Park Chu-Young will have to get used to operating in isolation. Maybe he could speak to someone from the North about it.

So, to quickly round up the team, AND LETS NOT GET INTO RACIAL STEREOTYPING HERE. The Koreans are workaday and efficient, in the sense that they play with care and don't commit many errors. They are limited in all departments when held to true international standards, and rely on Park Ji-Sung quite a lot. He's quite good, but that's about it.

Simply put, there will not be enough goals to win matches in which the opponent scores more than 1. At least the group is accomodating in this regard, although Nigeria on their day might be more of a handful than most would expect.

Prediction: Third in the group. Could go through if Nigeria cock things up. Not much else to say really.

If they were a medical condition: Must be rabies. And you thought I could get through this without a reference to eating dogs

Greece




Coach: Otto Rehhagel. Thanks for showing us that defensive tactics can allow smaller nations to win international competitions. And thanks for boring us to tears in the process. And ultimately, thanks for sticking with those tactics long afterwards so that other teams could adapt to them and beat you. Because we really don't want another Greece 2004 effort.

Team: I am taking a moral stance angainst Greece, much as I did with Uruguay.

Mainly, I cann't be bothered to waste your time and mine by writing about this boring team of cloggers who have barely changed, suffice retirements, since 2004.

When did Greece last score more than one goal? Against a decent team I mean. I know Theofanis Gekas top scored European qualification with 10. I also know that Greece's qualifing group contained such stars as Luxembourg, Moldova, Latvia and Israel. And that Gekas sat on the Portsmouth bench for a year without ever starting.

So, back to the question, when DID Greece score more than once against meaningful opposition? I don't know, but I think it was when Alexander put 4 past the Persians at Guagamela.

(Wholehearted apologies for setting up that last 'joke').

Greece's goal threat is as deficient as their current budget, and to change this they would need a bailout bigger than anything the Germans are willing to give them. Yes, even bigger than Gordon Brown's infamous handouts.

Tactics involve passing the ball around the back four, playing a driven ball up the wing, winning a corner, scoring a header from said corner, passing the ball around the back four, putting the ball into the stand, and looking at their watches over and over again.

Prediction: Will Greece go throught the group. No. And even if they do, I won't be caring.

If they were a medical condition: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or maybe Persistant Vegetative State.

Nigeria




Coach: Lars Lagerback. Replaced Shaibu Amodu, who got the sack in spite of securing World Cup qualification. Experienced as one of the Sweden tag-team, the other being Tommy Soderberg, that took the Scandanavians to three consecutive international tournaments. Should provide some useful stability.

Team: On the whole, Nigeria haven't got much in the way of expectations saddled to them. They reached the semifinals of the African Cup of Nations last year, but really should have got to the final. Their failure to qualify for the 2006 World Cup was a damning indictment on the organisational issues undermining the team at the time, and hopefully Nigeria have moved past those problems for good. At least until 2011.

Attacking talent is nominally good. The names are probably bigger than their game, but players like Obinna, Odemwingie and Uche have proven themselves during qualification, and Martins, Kanu and Yakubu are experienced and well versed in the nuances of foreign football.

Defensive steel also exists, seemingly for the first time since 1994. Basically, John Obi Mikel, Mikel John Obi, or whatever he is called in his day to day life (probably Phil or something) must see to his defensive duties diligently, but also provide the incisive ball that the attackers up front will want to run on to.

Yobo and Chidi Odiah are competent CB's, and Tiawo is a talented fullback; admittedly, his career seemed to plateau a bit last year.

There have to be some concerns about midfield depth (Seyi Olafinjana should not be allowed near Stoke, never mind South Africa), and goalkeeper is a bit of an issue. Enyeama and Ejide are probably the best options out of the African qualifiers, but that doesn't do much but damn the rest of them.

A diamond midfield was used in qualifying, with limited success. Lagerback's Sweden used a similar system though, so I think Nigeria are unlikely to change much about it. Long through balls into the channels for the strikers to run on to are the main source of attack. I'm not sure how well their defence will hold up to fast-paced attacks, but they are reasonably robust and good in the air.

Prediction: I am siding with the Nigerians to finish second and get into the knockout stages. Once there, they will probably do a Ghana 2006 and play reasonably but lose comfortably.

If they were a medical condition: Progeria (That wierd rare disease that ages young people prematurely). Seems to be quite prevalent, so the passport office say...
GM