Anyway, with the group stages now over and the quarterfinals in sight we can now reflect on those teams whose only moments of glory came in the three group matches. Oh, and the teams who celebrated reaching the knockout stages before promptly being beaten in the round of 16. Wonder who's in that group?
Out in the Group Stages and Going Home Economy Class with Raymond
South Africa :
Did what a host should and got the nation behind them. We all knew they weren't really that good, at least they played like they cared. And at least they took the chance France gave them by being so awful and deservedly beat them.
Best performers: Khune the keeper. Gaxa at right back and Dikgacoi in midfield.
World Cup in Five Words: Spirited hosts fight - nation satisfied
France :
Abject and utter failure. A disgraceful World Cup that will go down as the worst in France's history. No cohesion or team spirit, and virtually no actual quality. They were simply horrendous, and did not deserve even the goal they scored.
Best performers: Abou Diaby. No-one else. Jesus Christ.
World Cup in Five Words: Must start all over again
Greece :
Did pretty much what everyone expected and defended most of the time. Did quite well against Argentina, and did nab a few goals, but just lacked any real attacking talent or intent. An old team with a manager living in the past.
Best performers: Vangelis Moras, or Spiropoulos for his job on Messi.
World Cup in Five Words: Defence flawed - no Plan B
Nigeria :
Committed too many errors to progress, but really should have. Kaita's red card and Yakubu's skitemare of a miss were ultimately fatal. Looked decent for the most part, and blew it all on a few moments of madness. They must be gutted.
Best performers: Kalu Uche. Shout out to Kanu and Odemwingie.
World Cup in Five Words: Indiscipline and profligacy costly - disappointing.
Slovenia :
Really aren't that good a team, but did display some good attacking verve. They can't really be that surprised that they went out, but it could have gone better for them luck-wise with regards the USA's late goal against Algeria.
Best performers: Samir Handanovic and Walter Birsa
World Cup in Five Words: Wonder goal memorable. Nothing else
Algeria :
As weak a team as any in this World Cup. They lived up exactly to their billing pre-tournament, and offered precious little. An unathletic and talent-starved side. On reflection, Egypt would have been more interesting.
Best performers: Karim Matmour. Definately not the keeper Gaouaoui.
World Cup in Five Words: Embarrassed England. More than enough.
Australia :
Old, slow and not up to the task of scoring goals, they were awful at first but showed commendable resolve to come back and be competitive. The win over Serbia was probably sufficient consolation for a team obviously at the end of the road.
Best performers: Brett Holman and, I can't believe I'm typing this, Craig Moore.
World Cup in Five Words: Bounced back. Pensions being drawn.
Serbia :
Deserved to beat Ghana, got a man sent off and lost. Deserved to beat Australia, who got a man sent off, but still lost. If you can't take your opportunities when you're in the ascendancy you will never progress. No goal threat.
Best performances: Branoslav Ivanovic, and Lazovic off the bench.
World Cup in Five Words: Stop handling ball in box!
Denmark :
Tactically fine, but just not talented enough. Not good enough to go toe to toe with Holland, which we knew, but also not nearly good enough to beat Japan. Just incapable of scoring against a decent defence.
Best performers: The Simon's Kjaer and Poulsen in defence.
World Cup in Five Words: Jon Dahl Tomasson? Really? Still?
Cameroon : Displayed the ineptitude, disorganisation and naivety that still stereotypes African football. A simply atrocious botched job in the opener against Japan led to what little confidence they may have had going down the drain.
Best performers: Benoit Assou-Ekotto, Joel Matip and Achille Emana.
World Cup in Five Words: Needed to utilise Eto'o properly
New Zealand :
What were the odds of the Kiwis finishing above Italy? A great performance by the worst team at the World Cup talent-wise. Their organised defending and committment proved too difficult to break down for their limited group opponents.
Best performers: The whole squad to be honest. But particularly Winston Reid and Simon Elliot.
World Cup in Five Words: Undefeated but out. Scotland 1974?
Italy :
And what were the odds that both finalists from 2006 would exit at the group stages. A woeful tournament, probably worse than woeful actually. A token attempt to blood younger players proved completely useless at staving off this complete failure.
Best performers: Genuinely, none.
World Cup in Five Words: Disaster. Lippi tarnishes golden reputation
Ivory Coast :
Another Group of Death, another Ivory Coast side not quite up to the task. While able to slug it out with Brazil and Portugal for most of the time, they were just not as talented in attack or defence. Weren't helped by 7 goal Portugal.
Best performers: Yaya Toure and Gervinho
World Cup in Five Words: Couldn't score enough versus PRK
North Korea :
Their verdict; a triumphant display by our boys, easily matching the might of Brazil before succumbing to a European and African conspiracy. My verdict; the team knew that their first game was their best chance as no-one would want to underestimate an unknown entity. When their group rivals got a look at them, they realised they were a bit rubbish.
Best performers: Jong Tae-Se and Cha Jong-Hyok. And Dear Leader for his 5003 goals.
World Cup in Five Words: Last two games not broadcastable.
Switzerland :
A World Cup campaign that started so well with the victory over Spain ended up failing miserably. You just cannot fail to beat the bottom team when you need to beat them to progress. With Hizsfeld in charge, I was genuinely shocked that they allowed Honduras to get a draw.
Best performers: Derdiyok was troubling, and Gelson Fernandes did well.
World Cup in Five Words: Delight then disarray. Offensively impotent.
Honduras :
They are a crap team that played like one for the most part, before they manned up and regained some pride against the Swiss. Overall though, they are comfortably down amongst the worst teams at the Finals.
Best performers: They had none.
World Cup in Five Words: How did these boys qualify?
GM and RM
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