No, it refers of course to Movember. A noble gesture by a couple of Aussie oddballs that has become a global phenomenon, Movember is (for those uninitiated with it) when men proudly grow their facial hair for the entire month of November in order to raise awareness for prostate cancer charities. A worthy cause first and foremost, it is also a chance to appreciate of the art of facial hair.
Why is this appearing on sports blog I hear you cry? Well, Movember runs parallel to several sporting events and so sportsmen have taken it upon themselves to get involved. This means we are all exposed to a lot of moustaches and beards. Some good, some...well, it's the thought that counts!
I think the sight of normally clean shaven sensible men running around and tackling each other with a full handlebar moustache on their face enlivens sport. And so, at the cost of painful amounts of time, I have scoured my sources to provide you with a pictorial illustration of some of Movember's finest. Ladies, enjoy:
(Who am I kidding. There aren't any ladies. There never will be)
The most keen participants in Movember are undoubtedly rugby players. All the sides playing in the Autumn Internationals had a hairy vibe to them this year. Except New Zealand, who I assume don't take part due to the tradition being of Aussie origin. No-fun twats.
First, we'll get the Welsh out of the way. I was particularly impressed by Aled Brew (l), who went from no hair to full half beard in two weeks. The honours, however, go to young uncapped Toby Faletau (r) who pulled out the Will Smith tache and Afro combo that he briefly sported on Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
Note the gratuitous use of Print Screen and BBC I-Player in these pics. They have had to be cropped to avoid showing the world the Pixie Lott vids I was unashamedly watching (and listening to. That's the shameful part).
Moving on, we come to the South Africans. I liked them this year because they were really committed to their Mo's. Oh, and we beat them.
Gio Aplon (l) has made a frankly shit effort, but as I said earlier it's the thought that counts. Frans Steyn (r) is more impressive, sporting as he did an 18th century merchant seaman's tache and flowing locks.
Victor Matfield (l) usually sports a beard. This November, I felt it was looking particularly svelte. He is a truly brilliant man. Ryan Kankowski (r), my preferred South African 8 and particular favourite player, lived up to his nickname and grew perfect 'The Hoff' hair, which he accompanied with a Matfield beard, thus becoming super-cool.
Moving on to the Scots, the best efforts were by dynamo Openside John Barclay and attack coach Gregor Townsend.
Barclay, on the left, opted for an old British classic, the Soup-strainer. A favourite of 1960's refrigerator salesmen, Network Rail engineers and British paratroop Sergeants in World War Two. Townsend's tache looks a bit more new age.
A couple more rugby efforts bef
ore we move on.
This is Australian Hooker Tatafu Polota-Nau (l), and tonight Matthew he's going to be Lionel Richie. Cian Healy and Jamie Heaslip (r) meanwhile have heard that hot, young Robert Pattinson vampire types are getting all the girls. And so they decided to go Transylvanian. Fail.
This year saw the first real involvment of footballers in Movember.
Apologies for the hotch-potch nature of the images. Sadly, it's a bit more difficult to nick images from Match of the Day 2. Evidently Stoke City got in on the act, with Jonathan Walters (l) and Robert Huth (r) being the best attempts. Walters looks like a cartoon Devil, and Huth is a Charlie Chaplin-Adolf Hitler combined lookalike. Best effort in my book goes to Birmingham's Keith Fahey (m), whose tache is half Graeme Souness homage, half veteran country postmaster.
So now, to close things out I must give my award for Best Movember Effort. The winner comes from a sport that I do not follow much, but features prominantly on this blog. You guessed it, cricket. Ryan told me to look up this person and his facial hair, and what I saw staggered me. So, ladies and gentlemen (no Graeme, remember: there are no ladies), I give you the best effort of this Movember: Kevin Pieterson of England (cough, South Africa, cough).
It is, quite frankly, fucking ridiculous. Well played sir. And now that November has passed, please shave the bloody thing off!
GM
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