Waste of money of the month - Anybody who shelled out £14.95 on a Saturday night, thus forsaking the X Factor and Piers Morgan's Life Stories, to watch coverage on Sky Box Office of David Haye's "Superfight" with Audley Harrison. Not a hand laid upon each other for the first two rounds, before Haye's clear superiority shone through in the third and A-Force dropped like a stone. Only my brother's excellent school production kept me from making a similar error of judgement. But then, did we expect anything more of this matchup realistically?
Best fight of the month - Forget boxing, when a couple of NFL players get pissed off, there's more punches thrown in 20 seconds than in 12 whole rounds in the ring. Take Houston's Andre Johnson and Tennessee's Cortland Finnegan for example. And they got fined as much as James Harrison on a roughing the passer call!
Poorest excuse of the month - Having already voiced my displeasure at Phil Taylor's nomination for BBC SPOTY, let me now turn my ire to his blaming a defeat on the pair of glasses he was wearing. It's called ageing Phil. You can't stay at your peak forever. Oh wait, it's darts. You probably can then.
Disappointment of the month - Not to complain too much, you don't get to see your side beat the world champions live! However, I paid good money to see Scotland vs South Africa and at least wanted to shout "BEEEEASTTT!" more than once. Sadly, Tendai Mtawariwa was rubbish and was dominated in the scrum by Euan Murray. Still 21-17 - every cloud and all that...
Sensation of the month - the Sprinkler. Introduced to the world at large by Graeme Swann on the Ashes tour, this move has taken the Edinburgh Student Union by storm. My Facebook friends will be able to see me and my teammates pulling this particular move en masse on a night out (I'm the one in the natty pink shirt!). Swann also showed through his video diary that it is OK to do racist voices to Pakistani members of your team, spin coach Mushtaq Ahmed copping the abuse. Edinburgh University CC breathes a sigh of relief.
Video of the month - www.livingstonfc.co.uk/livitv.php. If you click on Livingston vs Dumbarton match highlights, you can just about make out Graeme sitting glumly on his own in the splendid West Lothian weather as Iain Russell's goal goes in to kill the game!
Relief of the month - Fernando Alonso didn't win the Formula 1 World Championship. I can't stand the guy. And frankly, the Red Bull which Sebastian Vettel steered to victory was comfortably the best car all season long. So congratulations to Vettel.
Cringe of the month - David Cameron's video message to the Ashes squad. Now Dave, you're clearly not John Major, and have demonstrated that you really know nothing about cricket. As for the line "Seeing as Freddie's not here, we may even have a drink" - you'd be a priviliged man indeed to go on the lash with Flintoff. Shame on you for lash avoidance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9TQPvYpQ1g
My idiot mate of the month - I was watching the Man United vs Rangers game with a typical United fan. In that he was posh, from nowhere near Manchester and doesn't really understand what it's like to be a true fan of the game. During this borefest, he berates Dimitar Berbatov continually, claiming that he's "rubbish and needs to be sold". 3 days later he puts 5 past Blackburn.
Lookalike of the month - the bit I know you all look forward to. Sadly, Graeme has already alluded to Kevin Pietersen's moustache, so my comparison with Dick Dastardly doesn't really cut the mustard - variety is after all the spice of life. I got confused for Gareth Bale at a gig in Glasgow (what would he have been doing there I hear you ask!) but that isn't particularly exciting for our wide following! I even had a lecturer who was the spitting image of Rafa Benitez. So I'll admit to having done a little bit of research on this one (ie Googled "Sporting lookalikes"). I came across one which was too good to ignore. I give you: Marlon Harewood of Blackpool and the Goomba from the live action movie of Mario Bros!
So what sporting fun have we to look forward to in this festive month of December? We can start with plenty of Saturdays doing absolutely nothing as the SFL schedules get wiped out by the already horrendous snowy weather. Ashes Tests 2-4 are much more likely to be played in appropriate conditions. We will finally find out who will host the 2018 World Cup - we all know it should be England but FIFA's pride will mean that it won't be and we'll be left to contemplate a bunch of stereotypes about Russia "rejoining the modern world" for the next 7 years! At least the NFL playoff picture will become clearer, free of any political struggle. What was that about a potential boycott of the 2011 season?
Ah well, it's nearly Christmas!
RM
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