Dead pitch makes donkeys of Unicorns

I feel like a bit of a personal diary of the university cricket season is in order. The current hangover with which I am battling pretty much indicates that it's now in full swing after yesterday's league opener for Edinburgh 2nd XI against Stirling 1s. We played these boys last year and they bowled us out cheaply before knocking off the runs in stuttering fashion. I recognised a couple of characters - the slightly unhinged opening bowler, the wee Irish captain and the tubby spinner who found the edge of my bat last year and ended up getting an lbw appeal in his favour. Prick.

The sun shone and the cookies were baking in the nearby factory at Peffermill, so when we walked out to inspect the pitch there was a sense of optimism to go with the usual air of homoeroticism. The pitch looked hard and true, right up until we threw a ball onto it and it just died. No carry on this pitch - everything needing played off the front foot, something most of our "capable" batsmen seemed to forget. So win the toss and bowl which skipper Willmott promptly did - lad! Bowling is our strong suit, especially with a big lad from the 1s opening up - as usual Wardy appeared untroubled by anything and bowled a tidy if unspectacular opening spell with a fresher known as Love Shack keeping it tight at the other end. I was busy chatting about the Stirling batsmen's questionable techniques from mid-on, a subject I have no right to be discussing! The breakthroughs began to trickle in when changes were made - Bagpuss and Rhino (we all have shite nicknames, it's banter) in particular excelling with 7 wickets between them, mostly from slower deliveries. I chipped in with 1-16, figures not helped by some pretty village fielding but then you always feel hard done by as a spinner. I chucked in a little Monty Panesar celebration to go with the general image created by my fielding and batting! 163 all out and some cracking ham and cheese sandwiches courtesy of Josh and we felt pretty pleased with ourselves, not least Rhino who posted uni best figures in his 7th year!

Then came the batting - oh dear! Just poor shot selection coupled with accurate bowling - very simple stuff. The unhinged left-armer gave our boys a couple of send-offs, which was a bit uncalled for but he was a bit of a twat I guess! I gave one of the easiest lbws of all time as Bagpuss played down a line in a different county to the delivery. The highlight had to be Wardy's massive six down the ground accompanied by a nonchalent murmur of "Boom!" but in truth this was only because their spinner was bloody awful. Still. I nudged my first delivery off my pads for a single and was part of a brave last-wicket stand with our Stuart Broad lookalike (although our man pitched the ball up when bowling) before being cleaned up by a cracking yorker from Lefty. 80 all out will never be acceptable, in spite of the pitch. It was like a sponge underneath the hard crumbling top surface (which led to our spinners actually turning the ball for a change) which doesn't make for great play - someone needs a word with the groundsman!

The drinking afterwards was far more successful. With our usual man stranded in South Africa (he hates Iceland apparently) it was up to me to co-ordinate the fines in the pub - which I feel I did very successfully, although I don't think the freshers are feeling all too pretty today! Dropped catches, misfields and ducks were particularly harshly dealt with, with our stand-in wicket keeper James seeming to have a vendetta against Rhino. Chinese food and a nightclub completed the frivolities!

Away to Glasgow on Sunday - I'm sure you all can't wait to hear the news!
RM