Apart from the inevitable doom that befell Portsmouth, nothing was predictable in the 2009-10 Premiership. Most teams had matches of some relevance right up until the end of April, with battles for the title, 4th place and that to avoid relegation seemingly involving all of the 20 teams at one time or another. However, for me, rather than indicating an exciting, high quality league where anything can happen, I would prefer to take the standpoint that this season has been one where teams have been their own worst enemies and have failed to seize the initiative at crucial times. The best and worst teams got their just rewards in the end but they generally took a rather torturous route to get there.
We can start with the title race. Manchester United were looking to clinch a 4th consecutive title and finally shut Liverpool fans up by taking a record 19th league championship in all. And, when you look back over the course of the season, they can reflect on plenty of results that got away from them. Defeat to Burnley at Turf Moor in August (a time when many looked on Brian Jensen as a great shot-stopper as opposed to the reality - a fat bastard) was a prime example. Also the 2-2 draw with Sunderland, when Fergie seemed more interested in the fitness of Alan Wiley, and the stalemate at Ewood Park coming after defeat to Chelsea - what turned out to be the fatal body blow. However, the fact of the matter is that Man U are a team in transition, carried in the big games by the bulldog-like approach of Wayne Rooney (a description usually reserved for Carlos Tevez on FIFA) and a Scotsman. The Glazer fiasco means they are no longer the most attractive prospect for Europe's finest players and must make do with what they have, something that becomes a struggle when you factor in all the time the first choice defence spent with the physio.
Chelsea deserved the title, but they too were guilty of spurning the opportunities to run away with it. After beginning the Ancelotti era with 6 wins out of 6, they promptly lost to Wigan (who would definitely be schizophrenia if they were a medical condition. Maybe nephrotic syndrome - they let everything through!). Then came the horror run which included their dumping out of the Champions League to Inter, allowing both Man U and Arsenal to gain an edge, coincidentally the same time that John Terry and Ashley Cole were giving the red-tops something to write about other than immigrants taking our jobs. It took a roasting from Ancelotti and Abramovich (in which the words Christmas, Party and Cancelled must have been mentioned) for the tide to turn and they finished with aplomb. Arsenal, as per usual, looked great for little return. A 3-0 defeat to Chelsea in November had Arsene Wenger writing them off but a great run into the New Year saw them back into the running. Then they cocked it up again. They are a lovely team - Fabregas, Arshavin and Nasri all have phenomenal talent, but they are too lightweight to cope against the likes of Stoke and West Ham, who will basically try and kick you up in the air, as Aaron Ramsey will testify.
The race for Europe and all its infinite riches also provided plenty of competition. This time, Tottenham managed to keep their dinner down and see off Man City, thanks to some generous keeping from Marton Fulop, formally of Spurs. I actually really enjoy watching both of these teams, as well as Aston Villa, and it is great to see the monopoly of the "Big Four" being so comprehensively broken. Especially when Liverpool are the ones made to suffer! Again, that fourth spot changed hands so regularly as no-one seemed keen to make it their own until the very last minute - I wouldn't place much hope on Spurs progressing too far in the Champions League with this kind of consistency, although they will be able to invest in new talent over the summer, a luxury that City will also have but Villa will not. Big Five anyone?
Relegation was a clear cut matter. West Ham, Wigan and Bolton may all be a bit shit but they at least have players like Scott Parker, Hugo Rodallega and erm... Matty Taylor who can turn a game. Less so Burnley, who never had the resources to sustain Premiership status and Portsmouth, who are grateful for a player, let alone one who can turn a game. It was Hull who disappointed me most. Guys like Ghilas, Altidore, Geovanni and Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink promised much up front. They didn't deliver and deserved to go down, although Phil Brown must have a lovely garden by now.
While I think of it, aside from Rooney and maybe Joe Hart and James Milner, can anyone name an England player who seriously enhance their case for inclusion for the World Cup? And please don't say Adam Johnson or Ledley King, the man with the knees that can be seen from space, they will be squad players at best. This has been a year where it's been more about the team and less about the individual - a lesson which Capello would do well to learn from when choosing his team for South Africa. I fail to see the point in playing a fading player like Steven Gerrard when a guy like Milner or Barry would fit a system more effectively.
Anyway, enough tips to England from me or I'll be driven out of Edinburgh!
RM
Monday, 10 May 2010
World Cup Preview: Group C
England
Coach: Fabio Capello. Don Fabio has been given the trust (see massive pay package) of the FA, and now must deliver. Astute if not ambitious, but ambition and creativity are generally not seen as World-Cup winning attributes. His defensive-minded, let the skilled players do their thing without fear approach sits well with England. It is how he galvanises the team's mentality and whether or not he can unite and focus them that will determine their fate.
Team: Capello is a noted art enthusiast. His favourite artist, Kandinsky, created modern abstract classics. Of Composition VII, Kandinsky stated "it was the most complex work I have ever created".
What does this have to do with anything? Well, it is a fairly tenuous way of saying that winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge. Without just saying "winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge".
Much like Composition VII was Kandinsky's finest work (in my opinion of course. You'll have to go to Moscow if you want to view it personally to find out), a World Cup triumph would be Fabio's finest hour. You sense that he relishes the task.
England have strong options all over the park, and have players of individual talent at least the equal of the world's best. England's players do everything well. Perhaps not quite as strong in one area as top Spanish passers Xavi and Iniesta, or as incisive as the Brazilians, but Lampard, Gerrard et al possess a physicality and a big game style toughness that few can match.
England can run a team off the park, but it is only of late that they have learned how to do so without having to constantly sprint around like 6 year olds in the playground themselves. When before, particularly in 2006, they would rely on simply having more legs than the opposition to force inevitable mistakes, they can now mix that stamina with a more measured attacking game. As a result, they match up well against any opposition.
Go back to Kandinsky though, and the crux of the issue is laid bare. Without focus, without balance, Composition VII would have merely been some painted shapes and colours draped on a canvas with no feeling or emotive meaning.
England have for too long assumed that their collective individual talents could overcome the inbalance that inevitably occured in the team when said talents were all accomodated (by being played out of position). Think Scholes wide left, Lampard and Gerrard together, Gerrard on the left wing (frankly anyone played on the left wing of late). England need to realise that creating a balanced team is paramount when winning the World Cup is the objective. With Barry in midfield, hell even with Heskey up front with Rooney, I think they may finally be getting the message.
The tactics. To be honest, you already know really. Not that exciting, not that much to write home about. They are simply effective when at their best. 4-4-2, Barry holding, Lampard drifting in front of him Gerrard cutting in and Rooney drifting wide left as he does with Man U. Heskey...well, have a look at the Emile Heskey Drinking Game on Facebook. That sums his game up rather nicely.
Rooney is what I think of as England's 'or' option. As in, " Lampard shoots from distance and scores, or Rooney grabs the rebound", " Terry heads in the corner, or Rooney hits a ridiculous volley from the clearance. Top corner. Boom"
Prediction: If England have gained the sufficient mental edge, then they go to the final. If not then exit stage quarter-finals at best. I don't think there is a middle ground here. Siding with the latter until they show me otherwise.
If they were a medical condition: Brain tumour. Compresses the Vestibulocochlear nerve, causing the disorders of balance, and also disturbs hearing, which usefully drowns out any doubting voices saying that it is in fact not 'our time'. Disturbs higher mental functions, leading to irrational obsession and single-minded lack of objectivity. Symptoms get worse as tumour grows. Flare ups every four years. Interestingly, symptoms made worse by alcohol.
United States
Coach: Bob Bradley. Experienced MLS coach in his day, and so has a good feel of which US-based players are on form. Like many coaches in American 'soccer', has an Anglophone view of the game. As such, his teams are rigid and compact, hustling their opponents.
Team : I am intelligent enough to distinguish between Football and American Football. Why can't Americans call American Football 'Football' and our Football 'Association Football' or something. I will not have the American sports media pandered to and refer to the word 'soccer', which I'm sure you'll agree is a simply hideous sounding piece of work.
If you don't like that America, well then I'll...I'll. Wait, come back. Where have you gone? Oh yes, that's right. No-one really cares about football beyond the seemingly compulsory backing of whatever branch of Team USA to put on an upset no matter the sport. The Miracle on Ice against the Soviets, the win over England in the 50's. Ideological differences or not, the Americans seem to just love beating people at sports that they themselves are apathetic about. Perhaps that's why they don't care about football much.
The US national team actually gets shafted a bit by this mentality, because on the whole they are pretty worthy of support. They punch above their weight given that their players are in the most part squad level talents on the European scene. The MLS has admittedly improved its standards of late. With its expansion into Philadelphia and Seattle it would also seem to be becoming distinctly more even. In fact, it was always a little too level a playing field. The US football community probably could have done with one dominant team to hate against. In general, that tends to raise interest and standards, if only for that one team.
South Africa was pretty fruitful to the Americans last year, with the US performing well at the Confederations Cup. Call it a fluke, call it irrelevant, but accept that it was certainly beneficial in terms of team cohesion and experience.
America are a combative team, although their lack of athleticism means that they struggle to match up against quality teams for extended periods (see the second half of the Confed Cup final versus Brazil when Brazil actually start trying). They are, though, experienced as in general many of their internationals started off young, and played an above-average number of under 17, 19 or 20 games.
The target man is still a prominant part of Team USA's game. Jozy Altidore and Brian Ching will probably start, and both can win the ball in the air. As such, the US put a lot of crosses into the box, many coming from the fullbacks. Partly, this is because their wingers are not up to the task of beating their opposing wingbacks with any regularity.
The back four is slow but experienced and well-drilled. They should hold up reasonably well. As should the midfield, where the coaches son Michael Bradley does good work, and could earn a move to a bigger club than Monchengladbach after the tournament.
Prediction: Second, then knocked out by Germany. They'll relish that game though, another chance to smash up some Teutons. Did they mention that they saved our asses in World War Two and that we should be eternally thankful? No, well then we should. Our special relationship eh?
If they were a medical condition: Headlice living in the hair of Troy Polamalu, Lebron James and Manny Ramirez
Slovenia
Coach: Matjaz Kek. Successful league winner as player and coach with Slovenian big dogs Maribor Lasco (apparently they're called MK Maribor now). Worked as youth team coach. Got promoted. Little else to say really.
Team: I've tried really hard to come up with something humerous to say about the Slovenians, but the fact is I simply can't come up with anything. My colleague Mr. Miller can attest to this. For a man who prides himself on his sharp wit and pointless knowledge this is extremely distressing, so please feel some sympathy.
(Disclaimer. Before we start, I apologise for the lack of appropriate accents and characters in the names of players. I'm sure you'll manage. If you do have a problem then please, please keep it to yourself. You are wierd.)
The Slovenians were certainly underdogs to reach South Africa, as they were matched up against the strong Russians in the playoffs. That they triumphed over the two legs hints that they are solid performers.
Solid, but little more in this bloggers humble opinion. I just do not feel they will pose a threat to make the knockout stages. There is just not enough in the bag to gain the required victories. Heck, I actually fancy Algeria more than the Slovenians, even though the evidence is to the contrary, because of some deep hope of an unusual team doing well. Admit it, you all have those feelings. Most just do well to repress them. Well, I'm stepping out from the shadows!
Slovenia are solidly organised and tough to break down, as evident in the playoff games. They are little else though.
They possess a solid keeper in Samir Handanovic. The big 6'5" stopper is one of Serie A's best and is underrated. A team like Milan or Arsenal could do far worse. The rest of the defence is solid and physical, yet limited. Basically just a group of no-namers then (while I would not consider Bostjan Cesar of ex-Marseille fame a no-namer, I accept that any sane person would).
Midfield creativity comes mainly from Robert Koren, who is also captain. At least they can say he plays in the Premier League now (STOP PRESS - No he doesn't. He got cut). Everyone else, meh. Other than Valter Birsa, who is another central attacking option playing well for an overachieving Auxerre team in France.
Upfront they have the unprolific Zlatko Dedic and the reasonable Milivoje Novakovic, both plying their trade in the Bundesliga. I once made Novakovic tournament top scorer in a Beyond the Cliche Towers FIFA 10 World Cup competition. I would advise against betting that this sets a precedent in the real world.
4-1-2-1-2 is the standard formation. There isn't much pace out on the wings, so look for play to be channeled inwards towards Koren, and for the forwards to recieve the ball to feet, probably with their backs to goal. Decent from set pieces, they scored their ultimately crucial away goal in Moscow from a corner in the 88th minute.
Prediction: Second bottom. Fade to irrelevance.
If they were a medical condition: Subclinical hypotension. No-one really notices it, and it is often mistaken for something with similar symptoms. Like Slovakia.
Algeria
Coach: Rabah Saadane, managing Algeria for the fifth non-consecutive time. Evidently not in possession of the most coveted job in the world then. Has concentrated on improving the morale and overall image of the team since taking on the job again in late 2007.
Team: Les Fennecs will have to look to another Desert Fox if they wish to seriously contemplate the knockout stages of the competition.
Field Marshall Rommel fielded a disciplined, well organised and effective side who knew when to strike and what their limitations were. Unfortunately for him, he suffered from external influences and was up against superior firepower which ultimately knocked him out of contention (Comparing the Afrika Korps to a football team. Check. Where else eh?). Algeria will need to summon some of up his spirit in order to achieve some success in South Africa.
I don't think Coach Saadane will be driven to suicide for his failures by his boss as dear old Erwin was, but his preparations could certainly suffer, as Rommel's did, from unrealistic expectations from the public back home. If too much pressure is put on the team to perform it can only end badly, particularly as many of their key players, Bougherra, Meghni and Belhadj, are fighting to get back some fitness and may end up overpressured.
Algeria have benefited of late by players choosing to represent them as opposed to migrating towards the national sides of European nations. Zidane set the precedent for this, and with so many Algerian plying their trade in France it has proved quite a task to identify and keep players affiliated to the North African state instead of their former colonial master.
The play of Karim Ziani is key to the team getting goals, and seeing as he has had a torrid time in Germany since moving to Wolfsburg, the signs aren't exactly promising.
The back four is pretty big and strong, but bear in mind that their best defender plays for Rangers. A more disparaging indictment I do not know of.
Striking options are basically those of Saudi Arabia and Iran at previous World Cups: high scoring domestically, lumbering, off-the-pace and generally lacking virtue internationally.
Prediction: They had better hope they don't beat the US, as that would draw attention to themselves and, seeing as they are the sole Muslim nation at this World Cup, they would probably end up on the Axis of Evil. Can they progress? Maybe. Will they? Almost certainly not. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. You guess.
If they were a medical condition: Is Islamic Fundamentalism a disease yet?
GM
Coach: Fabio Capello. Don Fabio has been given the trust (see massive pay package) of the FA, and now must deliver. Astute if not ambitious, but ambition and creativity are generally not seen as World-Cup winning attributes. His defensive-minded, let the skilled players do their thing without fear approach sits well with England. It is how he galvanises the team's mentality and whether or not he can unite and focus them that will determine their fate.
Team: Capello is a noted art enthusiast. His favourite artist, Kandinsky, created modern abstract classics. Of Composition VII, Kandinsky stated "it was the most complex work I have ever created".
What does this have to do with anything? Well, it is a fairly tenuous way of saying that winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge. Without just saying "winning the World Cup with England will be Capello's greatest challenge".
Much like Composition VII was Kandinsky's finest work (in my opinion of course. You'll have to go to Moscow if you want to view it personally to find out), a World Cup triumph would be Fabio's finest hour. You sense that he relishes the task.
England have strong options all over the park, and have players of individual talent at least the equal of the world's best. England's players do everything well. Perhaps not quite as strong in one area as top Spanish passers Xavi and Iniesta, or as incisive as the Brazilians, but Lampard, Gerrard et al possess a physicality and a big game style toughness that few can match.
England can run a team off the park, but it is only of late that they have learned how to do so without having to constantly sprint around like 6 year olds in the playground themselves. When before, particularly in 2006, they would rely on simply having more legs than the opposition to force inevitable mistakes, they can now mix that stamina with a more measured attacking game. As a result, they match up well against any opposition.
Go back to Kandinsky though, and the crux of the issue is laid bare. Without focus, without balance, Composition VII would have merely been some painted shapes and colours draped on a canvas with no feeling or emotive meaning.
England have for too long assumed that their collective individual talents could overcome the inbalance that inevitably occured in the team when said talents were all accomodated (by being played out of position). Think Scholes wide left, Lampard and Gerrard together, Gerrard on the left wing (frankly anyone played on the left wing of late). England need to realise that creating a balanced team is paramount when winning the World Cup is the objective. With Barry in midfield, hell even with Heskey up front with Rooney, I think they may finally be getting the message.
The tactics. To be honest, you already know really. Not that exciting, not that much to write home about. They are simply effective when at their best. 4-4-2, Barry holding, Lampard drifting in front of him Gerrard cutting in and Rooney drifting wide left as he does with Man U. Heskey...well, have a look at the Emile Heskey Drinking Game on Facebook. That sums his game up rather nicely.
Rooney is what I think of as England's 'or' option. As in, " Lampard shoots from distance and scores, or Rooney grabs the rebound", " Terry heads in the corner, or Rooney hits a ridiculous volley from the clearance. Top corner. Boom"
Prediction: If England have gained the sufficient mental edge, then they go to the final. If not then exit stage quarter-finals at best. I don't think there is a middle ground here. Siding with the latter until they show me otherwise.
If they were a medical condition: Brain tumour. Compresses the Vestibulocochlear nerve, causing the disorders of balance, and also disturbs hearing, which usefully drowns out any doubting voices saying that it is in fact not 'our time'. Disturbs higher mental functions, leading to irrational obsession and single-minded lack of objectivity. Symptoms get worse as tumour grows. Flare ups every four years. Interestingly, symptoms made worse by alcohol.
United States
Coach: Bob Bradley. Experienced MLS coach in his day, and so has a good feel of which US-based players are on form. Like many coaches in American 'soccer', has an Anglophone view of the game. As such, his teams are rigid and compact, hustling their opponents.
Team : I am intelligent enough to distinguish between Football and American Football. Why can't Americans call American Football 'Football' and our Football 'Association Football' or something. I will not have the American sports media pandered to and refer to the word 'soccer', which I'm sure you'll agree is a simply hideous sounding piece of work.
If you don't like that America, well then I'll...I'll. Wait, come back. Where have you gone? Oh yes, that's right. No-one really cares about football beyond the seemingly compulsory backing of whatever branch of Team USA to put on an upset no matter the sport. The Miracle on Ice against the Soviets, the win over England in the 50's. Ideological differences or not, the Americans seem to just love beating people at sports that they themselves are apathetic about. Perhaps that's why they don't care about football much.
The US national team actually gets shafted a bit by this mentality, because on the whole they are pretty worthy of support. They punch above their weight given that their players are in the most part squad level talents on the European scene. The MLS has admittedly improved its standards of late. With its expansion into Philadelphia and Seattle it would also seem to be becoming distinctly more even. In fact, it was always a little too level a playing field. The US football community probably could have done with one dominant team to hate against. In general, that tends to raise interest and standards, if only for that one team.
South Africa was pretty fruitful to the Americans last year, with the US performing well at the Confederations Cup. Call it a fluke, call it irrelevant, but accept that it was certainly beneficial in terms of team cohesion and experience.
America are a combative team, although their lack of athleticism means that they struggle to match up against quality teams for extended periods (see the second half of the Confed Cup final versus Brazil when Brazil actually start trying). They are, though, experienced as in general many of their internationals started off young, and played an above-average number of under 17, 19 or 20 games.
The target man is still a prominant part of Team USA's game. Jozy Altidore and Brian Ching will probably start, and both can win the ball in the air. As such, the US put a lot of crosses into the box, many coming from the fullbacks. Partly, this is because their wingers are not up to the task of beating their opposing wingbacks with any regularity.
The back four is slow but experienced and well-drilled. They should hold up reasonably well. As should the midfield, where the coaches son Michael Bradley does good work, and could earn a move to a bigger club than Monchengladbach after the tournament.
Prediction: Second, then knocked out by Germany. They'll relish that game though, another chance to smash up some Teutons. Did they mention that they saved our asses in World War Two and that we should be eternally thankful? No, well then we should. Our special relationship eh?
If they were a medical condition: Headlice living in the hair of Troy Polamalu, Lebron James and Manny Ramirez
Slovenia
Coach: Matjaz Kek. Successful league winner as player and coach with Slovenian big dogs Maribor Lasco (apparently they're called MK Maribor now). Worked as youth team coach. Got promoted. Little else to say really.
Team: I've tried really hard to come up with something humerous to say about the Slovenians, but the fact is I simply can't come up with anything. My colleague Mr. Miller can attest to this. For a man who prides himself on his sharp wit and pointless knowledge this is extremely distressing, so please feel some sympathy.
(Disclaimer. Before we start, I apologise for the lack of appropriate accents and characters in the names of players. I'm sure you'll manage. If you do have a problem then please, please keep it to yourself. You are wierd.)
The Slovenians were certainly underdogs to reach South Africa, as they were matched up against the strong Russians in the playoffs. That they triumphed over the two legs hints that they are solid performers.
Solid, but little more in this bloggers humble opinion. I just do not feel they will pose a threat to make the knockout stages. There is just not enough in the bag to gain the required victories. Heck, I actually fancy Algeria more than the Slovenians, even though the evidence is to the contrary, because of some deep hope of an unusual team doing well. Admit it, you all have those feelings. Most just do well to repress them. Well, I'm stepping out from the shadows!
Slovenia are solidly organised and tough to break down, as evident in the playoff games. They are little else though.
They possess a solid keeper in Samir Handanovic. The big 6'5" stopper is one of Serie A's best and is underrated. A team like Milan or Arsenal could do far worse. The rest of the defence is solid and physical, yet limited. Basically just a group of no-namers then (while I would not consider Bostjan Cesar of ex-Marseille fame a no-namer, I accept that any sane person would).
Midfield creativity comes mainly from Robert Koren, who is also captain. At least they can say he plays in the Premier League now (STOP PRESS - No he doesn't. He got cut). Everyone else, meh. Other than Valter Birsa, who is another central attacking option playing well for an overachieving Auxerre team in France.
Upfront they have the unprolific Zlatko Dedic and the reasonable Milivoje Novakovic, both plying their trade in the Bundesliga. I once made Novakovic tournament top scorer in a Beyond the Cliche Towers FIFA 10 World Cup competition. I would advise against betting that this sets a precedent in the real world.
4-1-2-1-2 is the standard formation. There isn't much pace out on the wings, so look for play to be channeled inwards towards Koren, and for the forwards to recieve the ball to feet, probably with their backs to goal. Decent from set pieces, they scored their ultimately crucial away goal in Moscow from a corner in the 88th minute.
Prediction: Second bottom. Fade to irrelevance.
If they were a medical condition: Subclinical hypotension. No-one really notices it, and it is often mistaken for something with similar symptoms. Like Slovakia.
Algeria
Coach: Rabah Saadane, managing Algeria for the fifth non-consecutive time. Evidently not in possession of the most coveted job in the world then. Has concentrated on improving the morale and overall image of the team since taking on the job again in late 2007.
Team: Les Fennecs will have to look to another Desert Fox if they wish to seriously contemplate the knockout stages of the competition.
Field Marshall Rommel fielded a disciplined, well organised and effective side who knew when to strike and what their limitations were. Unfortunately for him, he suffered from external influences and was up against superior firepower which ultimately knocked him out of contention (Comparing the Afrika Korps to a football team. Check. Where else eh?). Algeria will need to summon some of up his spirit in order to achieve some success in South Africa.
I don't think Coach Saadane will be driven to suicide for his failures by his boss as dear old Erwin was, but his preparations could certainly suffer, as Rommel's did, from unrealistic expectations from the public back home. If too much pressure is put on the team to perform it can only end badly, particularly as many of their key players, Bougherra, Meghni and Belhadj, are fighting to get back some fitness and may end up overpressured.
Algeria have benefited of late by players choosing to represent them as opposed to migrating towards the national sides of European nations. Zidane set the precedent for this, and with so many Algerian plying their trade in France it has proved quite a task to identify and keep players affiliated to the North African state instead of their former colonial master.
The play of Karim Ziani is key to the team getting goals, and seeing as he has had a torrid time in Germany since moving to Wolfsburg, the signs aren't exactly promising.
The back four is pretty big and strong, but bear in mind that their best defender plays for Rangers. A more disparaging indictment I do not know of.
Striking options are basically those of Saudi Arabia and Iran at previous World Cups: high scoring domestically, lumbering, off-the-pace and generally lacking virtue internationally.
Prediction: They had better hope they don't beat the US, as that would draw attention to themselves and, seeing as they are the sole Muslim nation at this World Cup, they would probably end up on the Axis of Evil. Can they progress? Maybe. Will they? Almost certainly not. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. You guess.
If they were a medical condition: Is Islamic Fundamentalism a disease yet?
GM
The County Scene: Week 7 - Bangladesh Under 23s in town
Oh sorry, I appear to have made a mistake from the off - the children currently playing Surrey (who in turn have fielded an inexperienced XI) in a tour match at the Oval are the actual Bangladesh national team! None of this team are over 25, although Mohammad Ashraful, the enigma wrapped in a mystery all bound together by a conundrum, is already celebrating his 100th first-class appearence. This indicates a squad with experience beyond their years, yet the fact remains that they cannot regularly compete with the big guns, despite plenty of promising performances from individuals, with the likes of Tamim Iqbal, Mahmudullah and the captain Shakib Al Hasan putting their hands up to be counted in the last few months. This tour, which includes 2 tests and 3 ODIs against England, followed by matches against Ireland, Holland and Scotland (which they must win), is a big one for Bangladesh. They cannot afford to keep chopping and changing their lineup, discarding duds and bringing in youngsters. The current squad needs to prove themselves worthy of a place in the side, keep that place and push on to break into the cricketing elite.
As for the match itself, it appears to be a useful exercise for both teams - although the cold (man up, I played in Aberdeen last week) London weather is not quite what the tourists were experiencing in St Lucia last week! Bangladesh looked as though they had the better of the day, reducing Surrey to 135-6, thanks to the uncapped Robiul Islam's 3-67. However, experience told as two of the regular first-teamers, Matthew Spriegel and Stuart Meaker, lifted them to 318-7d. Spriegel looked patient in compiling 108*, while Meaker, a pace bowler of whom Surrey have high hopes, recorded a career best 94 before being trapped in front by Shahadat Hossain. The tourists reached 12-0 at the close with no alarms and no surprises as Radiohead might say.
It is worth noting at this point that I am expanding The County Scene to include home internationals and tour matches. But you probably got that from the above verbosity. Anyway, who is the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week? Read on...
Zander de Bruyn (Somerset) - I expressed a wish last week that Somerset would start standing up and five of them duly obliged. It could be Alfonso Thomas or Damien Wright for their bowling heroics in the drawn Championship match with Lancashire. It could be Peter Trego for 108 off 88 in the same game. But then came yesterday's run chase against the Unicorns at Taunton, the second CB 40 win of the week. 234-3 with 17 balls remaining is impressive, all the more so at 9-2. de Bruyn hit 106*(110), in a partnership of 149 with James Hildreth (a stunning 84 off 54). De Bruyn was also in the runs in the championship game and contributed with the ball all week, so he gets the nod. An experienced campaigner, who far from disgraced himself in his 3 test apprearences for South Africa (his 3 wickets were Tendulkar and Ganguly twice), he has since brought his considerable skills to Taunton in all forms of the game - a real go-to man for Marcus Trescothick.
Ma
rk Wagh (Nottinghamshire) - not to be confused with Mark Waugh, the man with the best nickname of all time in cricket - Afghanistan, the forgotten Waugh, after playing second fiddle to brother Steve for Australia. This Mark Wagh led his team to a rain affected 5 wicket win over struggling Hampshire, who seem cursed by my prediction that they would win the league! A rapid unbeaten 131 on the last day, backed up by 54 from Hashim Amla, took Notts to the target of 245 after 4 closely-fought days. Michael Carberry again carried Hampshire's batting with 132 and Steven Mullaney hit an unbeaten ton in the first innings to lift his first-class average to an outrageous 89! But it was Wagh who stole the show. A man who has been around the scene for 14 years now, although never really getting close to the England squad, he has a batting average of 40 and a safe pair of hands in the slips.
Steven Patterson (Yorkshire) - a great week for the lad. While normal first ch
oice seamers Tim Bresnan and Ajmal Shahzad enjoy success (Bresnan) or time on the golf course (Shahzad) for England, Patterson has assured the typically grumpy Headingley members that they need not be missed. Career best figures of 5-50 against Essex in the championship set his side up for a crushing innings and 96 runs victory, helped by centuries from Andrew Gale and Anthony McGrath lifting Yorkshire to 516. He then recorded further List A best figures of 6-32 against Derbyshire, bowling them out for 141 as they won by 100 runs. However, an economy rate of 5.5 an over may stand against him in the final count.
The winner - jury is hung, in keeping with everything going on this week! Steven Patterson and Mark Wagh... LADS
RM
As for the match itself, it appears to be a useful exercise for both teams - although the cold (man up, I played in Aberdeen last week) London weather is not quite what the tourists were experiencing in St Lucia last week! Bangladesh looked as though they had the better of the day, reducing Surrey to 135-6, thanks to the uncapped Robiul Islam's 3-67. However, experience told as two of the regular first-teamers, Matthew Spriegel and Stuart Meaker, lifted them to 318-7d. Spriegel looked patient in compiling 108*, while Meaker, a pace bowler of whom Surrey have high hopes, recorded a career best 94 before being trapped in front by Shahadat Hossain. The tourists reached 12-0 at the close with no alarms and no surprises as Radiohead might say.
It is worth noting at this point that I am expanding The County Scene to include home internationals and tour matches. But you probably got that from the above verbosity. Anyway, who is the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week? Read on...
Zander de Bruyn (Somerset) - I expressed a wish last week that Somerset would start standing up and five of them duly obliged. It could be Alfonso Thomas or Damien Wright for their bowling heroics in the drawn Championship match with Lancashire. It could be Peter Trego for 108 off 88 in the same game. But then came yesterday's run chase against the Unicorns at Taunton, the second CB 40 win of the week. 234-3 with 17 balls remaining is impressive, all the more so at 9-2. de Bruyn hit 106*(110), in a partnership of 149 with James Hildreth (a stunning 84 off 54). De Bruyn was also in the runs in the championship game and contributed with the ball all week, so he gets the nod. An experienced campaigner, who far from disgraced himself in his 3 test apprearences for South Africa (his 3 wickets were Tendulkar and Ganguly twice), he has since brought his considerable skills to Taunton in all forms of the game - a real go-to man for Marcus Trescothick.
Ma
rk Wagh (Nottinghamshire) - not to be confused with Mark Waugh, the man with the best nickname of all time in cricket - Afghanistan, the forgotten Waugh, after playing second fiddle to brother Steve for Australia. This Mark Wagh led his team to a rain affected 5 wicket win over struggling Hampshire, who seem cursed by my prediction that they would win the league! A rapid unbeaten 131 on the last day, backed up by 54 from Hashim Amla, took Notts to the target of 245 after 4 closely-fought days. Michael Carberry again carried Hampshire's batting with 132 and Steven Mullaney hit an unbeaten ton in the first innings to lift his first-class average to an outrageous 89! But it was Wagh who stole the show. A man who has been around the scene for 14 years now, although never really getting close to the England squad, he has a batting average of 40 and a safe pair of hands in the slips.Steven Patterson (Yorkshire) - a great week for the lad. While normal first ch
oice seamers Tim Bresnan and Ajmal Shahzad enjoy success (Bresnan) or time on the golf course (Shahzad) for England, Patterson has assured the typically grumpy Headingley members that they need not be missed. Career best figures of 5-50 against Essex in the championship set his side up for a crushing innings and 96 runs victory, helped by centuries from Andrew Gale and Anthony McGrath lifting Yorkshire to 516. He then recorded further List A best figures of 6-32 against Derbyshire, bowling them out for 141 as they won by 100 runs. However, an economy rate of 5.5 an over may stand against him in the final count.The winner - jury is hung, in keeping with everything going on this week! Steven Patterson and Mark Wagh... LADS
RM
Monday, 3 May 2010
World Cup Preview: Group B
Group B
Argentina
Coach: Diego "He put the English Out Out Out" Maradona. Appointed, I can only assume, because somebody put a bet on to find the silliest candidate for the job that would thus scupper their chances of winning the World Cup. Evidently Barry Chuckle, Susan Boyle or the rejected candidates from Over the Rainbow weren't available (Saturdays, BBC1. Highly recommended by the Beyond the Cliche team.
I quite like Sophie.). Either that, or they were rewarding his previous international career. In other news, John Barnes and Trevor Sinclair to take over the England reins. Kleberson says Brazil job is better than Carlisle in the Worthington Cup.
Team: I will struggle with this section, as Argentina have gone through 8 keepers, 33 defenders, 36 midfielders and 20 attackers of varying talent in the past year.
What is certain is that the team to face Nigeria in their opening game will contain some prodigious talents; Messi, Aguero, Milito, Higuain and Tevez could feature up front, Mascherano and Angel Di Maria in midfield.
What is also true is that, thanks to Maradona, the team will almost certainly contain a few idiotic choices. Championship standout Fabricio Coloccini will take a break from the £77,000 a week Newcastle pay him to get skinned by Darren Ambrose and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, and will take on the world's best. Jonas Gutierrez will probably start. Maradona appreciates his 'running and tackling'. In spite of the fact that he is a winger. And Argentina have some of the best attacking talent the in the world to play. But they choose one who can run and tackle. Against Derby.
Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. They have Leo Messi, who hasn't really shone at all at international level. Of course, if his teammates pass it around as well as they did in 2006 (remember the decimation of Serbia?) then he could pretty much romp through the weak group.
Defensive options are stronger than they usually have been, mainly because Martin Demichelis and Walter Samuel are both in good form, something that doesn't happen often. Therefore, their individual slip-ups should be less severely punished. As for full backs, well they had better take Javier Zanetti. He deserves it and they'll need him if they run into some decent wingers.
All Argentinean goalkeepers are ropey, and have god-awful technique. And as a keeper I have lots of experience of poor technique...
Tactics then. Flat back four, with the fullbacks attacking less now that Juan Sorin isn't around. Pretty slow defense, so they sit deep, which allows play to feet around the Argentine box. Mascherano is thus the key in midfield, holding alongside probably Battaglia and disrupting the short passing game. Usually two wide attackers, one target man and a centre forward sitting behind.
Prediction: I am actually pretty high on the Argentines, although the above stuff might not seem so. A lot of the players that are usually shaky have been solid of late (basically, the centre backs. Ultimately, it remains to be seen how long the team can carry the manager before they encounter a game in which tactics and manager-ing (New word. The act of managing) are required. I think that won't be until at least the quarter finals. In fact, I'm going to put them through to the semifinals. Risky? Yes, undoubtedly. But it'll look damn good if it actually happens.
If they were a medical condition: The menopause. God knows which combination of symptoms/ players it'll hit you with. Can leave you hot and flustered and dry and... well, I'll leave it at that.
Korea, Republic of
Coach: Huh Jung-Moo, who was in charge prior to the 2002 World Cup. Brought back in 2007 after every foreign coach declined the offer. Not exactly Mr. Popular amongst the home media, and struck up some initial discort amongst the players. Not going to win them any games a la Guus.
Team: I never thought I'd actually have to clarify that it's the Republic of Korea I'm previewing and not the North, but football is a funny game where consumerism and communism can clash without a tank in sight.
Thankfully there is no chance of the two Korea's meeting. It would have been one hell of a cool occasion, but I fancy the troops would be massing on the 38th Parallel if the North lost. Actually, probably if they won as well.
Korea have, like Argentina, been keen on blooding new talent prior to the World Cup, mostly because they sat back on their golden generation of 2002 until they lost their shine and didn't buy any new gold.
If anything, it was probably fools gold anyway. When Korea played in the 2006 tournament they didn't do very well. Sadly children, the lesson is that not all World Cups can be held in Korea.
Tactically speaking, Korea play the same 4-3-3 that they did in 2006. In general, they are a pressing team with the wingers dropping back quickly and often and the midfield three fanning out alongside them. The pretty decent Lee Chung-Yong and Yeom Ki-Hoon are favourites for the wing spots. Park and The Hoover Kim Nam-Il will do the midfield bustle. Whoever is up front, probably the unimpressive Park Chu-Young will have to get used to operating in isolation. Maybe he could speak to someone from the North about it.
So, to quickly round up the team, AND LETS NOT GET INTO RACIAL STEREOTYPING HERE. The Koreans are workaday and efficient, in the sense that they play with care and don't commit many errors. They are limited in all departments when held to true international standards, and rely on Park Ji-Sung quite a lot. He's quite good, but that's about it.
Simply put, there will not be enough goals to win matches in which the opponent scores more than 1. At least the group is accomodating in this regard, although Nigeria on their day might be more of a handful than most would expect.
Prediction: Third in the group. Could go through if Nigeria cock things up. Not much else to say really.
If they were a medical condition: Must be rabies. And you thought I could get through this without a reference to eating dogs
Greece
Coach: Otto Rehhagel. Thanks for showing us that defensive tactics can allow smaller nations to win international competitions. And thanks for boring us to tears in the process. And ultimately, thanks for sticking with those tactics long afterwards so that other teams could adapt to them and beat you. Because we really don't want another Greece 2004 effort.
Team: I am taking a moral stance angainst Greece, much as I did with Uruguay.
Mainly, I cann't be bothered to waste your time and mine by writing about this boring team of cloggers who have barely changed, suffice retirements, since 2004.
When did Greece last score more than one goal? Against a decent team I mean. I know Theofanis Gekas top scored European qualification with 10. I also know that Greece's qualifing group contained such stars as Luxembourg, Moldova, Latvia and Israel. And that Gekas sat on the Portsmouth bench for a year without ever starting.
So, back to the question, when DID Greece score more than once against meaningful opposition? I don't know, but I think it was when Alexander put 4 past the Persians at Guagamela.
(Wholehearted apologies for setting up that last 'joke').
Greece's goal threat is as deficient as their current budget, and to change this they would need a bailout bigger than anything the Germans are willing to give them. Yes, even bigger than Gordon Brown's infamous handouts.
Tactics involve passing the ball around the back four, playing a driven ball up the wing, winning a corner, scoring a header from said corner, passing the ball around the back four, putting the ball into the stand, and looking at their watches over and over again.
Prediction: Will Greece go throught the group. No. And even if they do, I won't be caring.
If they were a medical condition: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or maybe Persistant Vegetative State.
Nigeria
Coach: Lars Lagerback. Replaced Shaibu Amodu, who got the sack in spite of securing World Cup qualification. Experienced as one of the Sweden tag-team, the other being Tommy Soderberg, that took the Scandanavians to three consecutive international tournaments. Should provide some useful stability.
Team: On the whole, Nigeria haven't got much in the way of expectations saddled to them. They reached the semifinals of the African Cup of Nations last year, but really should have got to the final. Their failure to qualify for the 2006 World Cup was a damning indictment on the organisational issues undermining the team at the time, and hopefully Nigeria have moved past those problems for good. At least until 2011.
Attacking talent is nominally good. The names are probably bigger than their game, but players like Obinna, Odemwingie and Uche have proven themselves during qualification, and Martins, Kanu and Yakubu are experienced and well versed in the nuances of foreign football.
Defensive steel also exists, seemingly for the first time since 1994. Basically, John Obi Mikel, Mikel John Obi, or whatever he is called in his day to day life (probably Phil or something) must see to his defensive duties diligently, but also provide the incisive ball that the attackers up front will want to run on to.
Yobo and Chidi Odiah are competent CB's, and Tiawo is a talented fullback; admittedly, his career seemed to plateau a bit last year.
There have to be some concerns about midfield depth (Seyi Olafinjana should not be allowed near Stoke, never mind South Africa), and goalkeeper is a bit of an issue. Enyeama and Ejide are probably the best options out of the African qualifiers, but that doesn't do much but damn the rest of them.
A diamond midfield was used in qualifying, with limited success. Lagerback's Sweden used a similar system though, so I think Nigeria are unlikely to change much about it. Long through balls into the channels for the strikers to run on to are the main source of attack. I'm not sure how well their defence will hold up to fast-paced attacks, but they are reasonably robust and good in the air.
Prediction: I am siding with the Nigerians to finish second and get into the knockout stages. Once there, they will probably do a Ghana 2006 and play reasonably but lose comfortably.
If they were a medical condition: Progeria (That wierd rare disease that ages young people prematurely). Seems to be quite prevalent, so the passport office say...
GM
Argentina
Coach: Diego "He put the English Out Out Out" Maradona. Appointed, I can only assume, because somebody put a bet on to find the silliest candidate for the job that would thus scupper their chances of winning the World Cup. Evidently Barry Chuckle, Susan Boyle or the rejected candidates from Over the Rainbow weren't available (Saturdays, BBC1. Highly recommended by the Beyond the Cliche team.
I quite like Sophie.). Either that, or they were rewarding his previous international career. In other news, John Barnes and Trevor Sinclair to take over the England reins. Kleberson says Brazil job is better than Carlisle in the Worthington Cup.
Team: I will struggle with this section, as Argentina have gone through 8 keepers, 33 defenders, 36 midfielders and 20 attackers of varying talent in the past year.
What is certain is that the team to face Nigeria in their opening game will contain some prodigious talents; Messi, Aguero, Milito, Higuain and Tevez could feature up front, Mascherano and Angel Di Maria in midfield.
What is also true is that, thanks to Maradona, the team will almost certainly contain a few idiotic choices. Championship standout Fabricio Coloccini will take a break from the £77,000 a week Newcastle pay him to get skinned by Darren Ambrose and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, and will take on the world's best. Jonas Gutierrez will probably start. Maradona appreciates his 'running and tackling'. In spite of the fact that he is a winger. And Argentina have some of the best attacking talent the in the world to play. But they choose one who can run and tackle. Against Derby.
Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. Leo Messi. They have Leo Messi, who hasn't really shone at all at international level. Of course, if his teammates pass it around as well as they did in 2006 (remember the decimation of Serbia?) then he could pretty much romp through the weak group.
Defensive options are stronger than they usually have been, mainly because Martin Demichelis and Walter Samuel are both in good form, something that doesn't happen often. Therefore, their individual slip-ups should be less severely punished. As for full backs, well they had better take Javier Zanetti. He deserves it and they'll need him if they run into some decent wingers.
All Argentinean goalkeepers are ropey, and have god-awful technique. And as a keeper I have lots of experience of poor technique...
Tactics then. Flat back four, with the fullbacks attacking less now that Juan Sorin isn't around. Pretty slow defense, so they sit deep, which allows play to feet around the Argentine box. Mascherano is thus the key in midfield, holding alongside probably Battaglia and disrupting the short passing game. Usually two wide attackers, one target man and a centre forward sitting behind.
Prediction: I am actually pretty high on the Argentines, although the above stuff might not seem so. A lot of the players that are usually shaky have been solid of late (basically, the centre backs. Ultimately, it remains to be seen how long the team can carry the manager before they encounter a game in which tactics and manager-ing (New word. The act of managing) are required. I think that won't be until at least the quarter finals. In fact, I'm going to put them through to the semifinals. Risky? Yes, undoubtedly. But it'll look damn good if it actually happens.
If they were a medical condition: The menopause. God knows which combination of symptoms/ players it'll hit you with. Can leave you hot and flustered and dry and... well, I'll leave it at that.
Korea, Republic of
Coach: Huh Jung-Moo, who was in charge prior to the 2002 World Cup. Brought back in 2007 after every foreign coach declined the offer. Not exactly Mr. Popular amongst the home media, and struck up some initial discort amongst the players. Not going to win them any games a la Guus.
Team: I never thought I'd actually have to clarify that it's the Republic of Korea I'm previewing and not the North, but football is a funny game where consumerism and communism can clash without a tank in sight.
Thankfully there is no chance of the two Korea's meeting. It would have been one hell of a cool occasion, but I fancy the troops would be massing on the 38th Parallel if the North lost. Actually, probably if they won as well.
Korea have, like Argentina, been keen on blooding new talent prior to the World Cup, mostly because they sat back on their golden generation of 2002 until they lost their shine and didn't buy any new gold.
If anything, it was probably fools gold anyway. When Korea played in the 2006 tournament they didn't do very well. Sadly children, the lesson is that not all World Cups can be held in Korea.
Tactically speaking, Korea play the same 4-3-3 that they did in 2006. In general, they are a pressing team with the wingers dropping back quickly and often and the midfield three fanning out alongside them. The pretty decent Lee Chung-Yong and Yeom Ki-Hoon are favourites for the wing spots. Park and The Hoover Kim Nam-Il will do the midfield bustle. Whoever is up front, probably the unimpressive Park Chu-Young will have to get used to operating in isolation. Maybe he could speak to someone from the North about it.
So, to quickly round up the team, AND LETS NOT GET INTO RACIAL STEREOTYPING HERE. The Koreans are workaday and efficient, in the sense that they play with care and don't commit many errors. They are limited in all departments when held to true international standards, and rely on Park Ji-Sung quite a lot. He's quite good, but that's about it.
Simply put, there will not be enough goals to win matches in which the opponent scores more than 1. At least the group is accomodating in this regard, although Nigeria on their day might be more of a handful than most would expect.
Prediction: Third in the group. Could go through if Nigeria cock things up. Not much else to say really.
If they were a medical condition: Must be rabies. And you thought I could get through this without a reference to eating dogs
Greece
Coach: Otto Rehhagel. Thanks for showing us that defensive tactics can allow smaller nations to win international competitions. And thanks for boring us to tears in the process. And ultimately, thanks for sticking with those tactics long afterwards so that other teams could adapt to them and beat you. Because we really don't want another Greece 2004 effort.
Team: I am taking a moral stance angainst Greece, much as I did with Uruguay.
Mainly, I cann't be bothered to waste your time and mine by writing about this boring team of cloggers who have barely changed, suffice retirements, since 2004.
When did Greece last score more than one goal? Against a decent team I mean. I know Theofanis Gekas top scored European qualification with 10. I also know that Greece's qualifing group contained such stars as Luxembourg, Moldova, Latvia and Israel. And that Gekas sat on the Portsmouth bench for a year without ever starting.
So, back to the question, when DID Greece score more than once against meaningful opposition? I don't know, but I think it was when Alexander put 4 past the Persians at Guagamela.
(Wholehearted apologies for setting up that last 'joke').
Greece's goal threat is as deficient as their current budget, and to change this they would need a bailout bigger than anything the Germans are willing to give them. Yes, even bigger than Gordon Brown's infamous handouts.
Tactics involve passing the ball around the back four, playing a driven ball up the wing, winning a corner, scoring a header from said corner, passing the ball around the back four, putting the ball into the stand, and looking at their watches over and over again.
Prediction: Will Greece go throught the group. No. And even if they do, I won't be caring.
If they were a medical condition: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Or maybe Persistant Vegetative State.
Nigeria
Coach: Lars Lagerback. Replaced Shaibu Amodu, who got the sack in spite of securing World Cup qualification. Experienced as one of the Sweden tag-team, the other being Tommy Soderberg, that took the Scandanavians to three consecutive international tournaments. Should provide some useful stability.
Team: On the whole, Nigeria haven't got much in the way of expectations saddled to them. They reached the semifinals of the African Cup of Nations last year, but really should have got to the final. Their failure to qualify for the 2006 World Cup was a damning indictment on the organisational issues undermining the team at the time, and hopefully Nigeria have moved past those problems for good. At least until 2011.
Attacking talent is nominally good. The names are probably bigger than their game, but players like Obinna, Odemwingie and Uche have proven themselves during qualification, and Martins, Kanu and Yakubu are experienced and well versed in the nuances of foreign football.
Defensive steel also exists, seemingly for the first time since 1994. Basically, John Obi Mikel, Mikel John Obi, or whatever he is called in his day to day life (probably Phil or something) must see to his defensive duties diligently, but also provide the incisive ball that the attackers up front will want to run on to.
Yobo and Chidi Odiah are competent CB's, and Tiawo is a talented fullback; admittedly, his career seemed to plateau a bit last year.
There have to be some concerns about midfield depth (Seyi Olafinjana should not be allowed near Stoke, never mind South Africa), and goalkeeper is a bit of an issue. Enyeama and Ejide are probably the best options out of the African qualifiers, but that doesn't do much but damn the rest of them.
A diamond midfield was used in qualifying, with limited success. Lagerback's Sweden used a similar system though, so I think Nigeria are unlikely to change much about it. Long through balls into the channels for the strikers to run on to are the main source of attack. I'm not sure how well their defence will hold up to fast-paced attacks, but they are reasonably robust and good in the air.
Prediction: I am siding with the Nigerians to finish second and get into the knockout stages. Once there, they will probably do a Ghana 2006 and play reasonably but lose comfortably.
If they were a medical condition: Progeria (That wierd rare disease that ages young people prematurely). Seems to be quite prevalent, so the passport office say...
GM
Headline Acts: Episode 2
Here are some more headlines that should have been seen in the last week, but sadly the media are just not as imaginative as the Beyond the Cliche Brains Trust:
True extent of Murali injury revealed - despite reports that star spinner Muttiah Muralitharan would miss the rest of the World T20 through a groin injury, it has been revealed that he has both a stomach bug and an elbow injury, meaning that he can no longer throw his stock delivery and has been chucking all night.
Who bribed Higgins? - reports show that the man handing the Wizard of Wishaw £261000 was in fact a ginger balding man in his early 50s and did not display any traits of personality. Higgins ironically referred to him as "interesting".
Depression levels rise temporarily in Edinburgh - with the also ironically-named "Magic Weekend" at Murrayfield, thousands of northerners came to spread their malaise on the good people of Auld Reekie. The moaning and poor dress sense drove many into asylums for the weekend. The average GDP of the inhabitants of Edinburgh also dropped sharply.
Owls tighten screws after pitch invasion - officials at Hillsborough were seen reinforcing their stands overnight after fan trouble against Crystal Palace. "We don't want more Scousers on our conscience when we play Tranmere next year" said the chief executive.
Tiger Woods seen leaving Bryant family home - reports that new Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has a prostitute for a mother remain unfounded.
And finally, one mindblowingly true headline
Ian Holloway achieves something - the PR man actually finds a bit of substance to his words as Blackpool reach the Championship playoffs.
Last time, money off at Scotmid failed to capture the public imagination. So this time, the best entry wins a cake up to the value of £1 from Marks & Spencer. Don't say we're not good to our reader(s).
RM
True extent of Murali injury revealed - despite reports that star spinner Muttiah Muralitharan would miss the rest of the World T20 through a groin injury, it has been revealed that he has both a stomach bug and an elbow injury, meaning that he can no longer throw his stock delivery and has been chucking all night.
Who bribed Higgins? - reports show that the man handing the Wizard of Wishaw £261000 was in fact a ginger balding man in his early 50s and did not display any traits of personality. Higgins ironically referred to him as "interesting".
Depression levels rise temporarily in Edinburgh - with the also ironically-named "Magic Weekend" at Murrayfield, thousands of northerners came to spread their malaise on the good people of Auld Reekie. The moaning and poor dress sense drove many into asylums for the weekend. The average GDP of the inhabitants of Edinburgh also dropped sharply.
Owls tighten screws after pitch invasion - officials at Hillsborough were seen reinforcing their stands overnight after fan trouble against Crystal Palace. "We don't want more Scousers on our conscience when we play Tranmere next year" said the chief executive.
Tiger Woods seen leaving Bryant family home - reports that new Cowboys WR Dez Bryant has a prostitute for a mother remain unfounded.
And finally, one mindblowingly true headline
Ian Holloway achieves something - the PR man actually finds a bit of substance to his words as Blackpool reach the Championship playoffs.
Last time, money off at Scotmid failed to capture the public imagination. So this time, the best entry wins a cake up to the value of £1 from Marks & Spencer. Don't say we're not good to our reader(s).
RM
The County Scene: Week 6 - Woakes and the Weather dominate
It's been a good month or so since this eagerly anticipated series commented on the great British weather. There I complained about the early start of the county season, criticising the ECB for their typically poor judgement. I should have realised that we would then be treated to three glorious weeks of exciting cricket and barbecue weather. Then, at the time we all thought the season should begin, the rain arrives. You can always rely on Beyond the Cliche to get it 100% wrong (although if you watch the latest video, you will see a certain handsome young man telling of the batting prowess of Suresh Raina, two days before he fires a magnificent Twenty20 100!).
Owing to this deluge of weather, half the championship matches ended in rain-affected draws and 3 further CB 40 games were abandoned without a ball bowled. Remarkably the only match that made the full duration was Lancashire's home match against Glamorgan at Old Trafford, the last place you'd expect the rain to spare! Here are those results:
Nottinghamshire 180/7 (24 overs) beat Hampshire 145/7 (24 overs) by 35 runs
Glamorgan 271/4 (Maynard 103* off 68, Cosgrove 50 off 53) (40 overs) lost to Lancashire 275/3
(Prince 102* off 82, Croft 84* off 70) (37.2 overs) by 7 wickets
Warwickshire 321/7 (Bell 72 off 58, Carter 68 off 38) (40 overs) beat Leicestershire 235/7 (Taylor 92* off 77) (34.1 overs) by 41 runs (D/L)
Yorkshire 240/3 (Rudolph 83 off 78, McGrath 77* off 50) (30 overs) beat Northamptonshire 118 (White 69 off 47) (15.2 overs) by 35 runs (D/L)
In a slight departure from tradition, there will be 3 Victoria Sponge Lads of the Week awarded for this week. For their 3rd century partnership of the season already, the first two are Lancashire's Ashwell Prince and Steven Croft. Croft in particular has been a model of consistency, reeling off 50 after 50, while overseas star Prince has rescued the Red Rose county from a number of holes so far. LADS
In the Championship 2nd division, Sussex continued their winning streak and Glamorgan saw off Worcestershire in two days. Gloucestershire recorded their first win of the season with a 9 wicket success over miserable Middlesex.
Only one result was achieved in Division One, and it is there we find our final LAD. Chris Woakes of Warwickshire took 6-135 in the match, with Sean Ervine of Hampshire posting consecutive 50s in resistance, well backed up by Michael Carberry and James Vince. However, the Bears were able to establish a 99-run innings lead thanks to 136* from Woakes, his maiden ton, having already attracted the attentions of England selectors for some high-class swing bowling last season. He followed up this 8 wicket success with 49 off just 16 balls (4x4s, 4x6s) in the CB 40 match above. Big-hitting LAD
This week features another round of Championship games and today's Bank Holiday 40-over games. I just hope the Somerset boys start playing like LADS soon.
RM
Owing to this deluge of weather, half the championship matches ended in rain-affected draws and 3 further CB 40 games were abandoned without a ball bowled. Remarkably the only match that made the full duration was Lancashire's home match against Glamorgan at Old Trafford, the last place you'd expect the rain to spare! Here are those results:
Nottinghamshire 180/7 (24 overs) beat Hampshire 145/7 (24 overs) by 35 runs
Glamorgan 271/4 (Maynard 103* off 68, Cosgrove 50 off 53) (40 overs) lost to Lancashire 275/3
(Prince 102* off 82, Croft 84* off 70) (37.2 overs) by 7 wicketsWarwickshire 321/7 (Bell 72 off 58, Carter 68 off 38) (40 overs) beat Leicestershire 235/7 (Taylor 92* off 77) (34.1 overs) by 41 runs (D/L)
Yorkshire 240/3 (Rudolph 83 off 78, McGrath 77* off 50) (30 overs) beat Northamptonshire 118 (White 69 off 47) (15.2 overs) by 35 runs (D/L)
In a slight departure from tradition, there will be 3 Victoria Sponge Lads of the Week awarded for this week. For their 3rd century partnership of the season already, the first two are Lancashire's Ashwell Prince and Steven Croft. Croft in particular has been a model of consistency, reeling off 50 after 50, while overseas star Prince has rescued the Red Rose county from a number of holes so far. LADS
In the Championship 2nd division, Sussex continued their winning streak and Glamorgan saw off Worcestershire in two days. Gloucestershire recorded their first win of the season with a 9 wicket success over miserable Middlesex.
Only one result was achieved in Division One, and it is there we find our final LAD. Chris Woakes of Warwickshire took 6-135 in the match, with Sean Ervine of Hampshire posting consecutive 50s in resistance, well backed up by Michael Carberry and James Vince. However, the Bears were able to establish a 99-run innings lead thanks to 136* from Woakes, his maiden ton, having already attracted the attentions of England selectors for some high-class swing bowling last season. He followed up this 8 wicket success with 49 off just 16 balls (4x4s, 4x6s) in the CB 40 match above. Big-hitting LAD
This week features another round of Championship games and today's Bank Holiday 40-over games. I just hope the Somerset boys start playing like LADS soon.
RM
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