Twitter faux pas of the month (i) - Well this is becoming a regular feature, so irresponsible are sportsmen on their microblogging website of choice. We start with Ryan Babel, erstwhile Liverpool winger/benchwarmer, who took offence to Howard Webb's performance in the Man Utd vs Liverpool FA Cup tie, responding by posting a picture of Webb in a United shirt. For which he was fined, slumping off to Hoffenheim in the process. For the record, United's winning penalty looked good in real time, even if Berbatov did go down very easily, and Gerrard's red card was probably warranted. So Babel spent a long time on Paint for nothing.
Twitter faux pas of the month (ii) - Another sportsman failing to learn from the lessons of others is stand-in Aussie cricket captain Michael Clarke. In a horrendous run of form, and with the nation on his back, Clarke spent more time on Twitter trying to find ugly leg-spinner Steve Smith a date than he did in the nets. When criticised by a leading journalist, Clarke used the site to tell him to "take a chill pill"!
Dog(s) of the month - In second place, we have the dog that bit Paula Radcliffe whilst training in Monaco. Serves you right for dodging your taxes Paula! But the clear winner... well, just look at this picture from the Romford greyhound races and you'll realise that actually there was no clear winner!
Ambition of the month - Back to the FA Cup. All credit to Stevenage for their excellent performance in beating Premier League Newcastle in the 3rd round. A 3-1 suggests a comfortable scoreline. But no - their manager Graham Westley had actually demanded that they go out and beat the Magpies 5-0 before the game started. Rumour has it that he donned a Newcastle shirt after the game, and was the mysterious fan who punched Scott Laird, so disappointed was he with his supposed lack of want!
Father of the month - You know the Old Firm are in the shit when one of them signs Charlie Mulgrew. And it's really no surprise to find the Celtic "star" shopping in Costco. What did surprise me was Mulgrew's stupidity and neglect - leaving his young child in a freezing car whilst shopping for his luxury items during the cold snap. Mulgrew was arrested. I laughed.
Commentary of the month - When skiing goes wrong, it really goes wrong. As Yannick Bertrand found out to his cost in this magnificent video. However, the real star of the show is the deadpan Canadian commentator:
Ironic name of the month - This story concerns a Brazilian footballer who went missing. Yes, the Botafogo star was brutally kidnapped, with his worried teammates noticing his conspicuous absence from training. Or was he? CCTV images showed the man out and about at the time he said he'd been abducted. The truth was that he feigned his own kidnap to avoid running late for training and taking the mandatory 40% wage cut that Botafogo enforce if he was a little tardy. Now wouldn't it be even funnier if the guy was named after a place where kidnaps can and frequently do happen? He's called Somalia.
Pitch report of the month - It's New Zealand cricketer Tim Southee once again making The Back Page. The Christchurch wicket did look pretty good for quick bowling, with plenty of bounce on offer for the quicks. So when Southee tried to effect a run-out and wound up crashing down on this pitch, his observation of "Fuck, that's hard!" (insert your own "That's what she said" joke here. Just try and be more original in future) proved more illuminating than any amount of Tony Grieg sticking his car keys into the MCG.
Pointless rehash of the month - You'll remember a couple of months back I did a piece on snooker's revolutionary new format, called "Power Snooker". I've now read about something new - "Shoot-Out Snooker". Something along the lines of single 10 minute frames, which veteran Nigel Bond wound up winning. Why bring in two innovations in such quick succession? It's going to get more complicated than sailing soon!
Game of the month - I pity anybody who didn't witness this game. 43 seconds - Livingston score 1-0. 12 minutes - Livi captain Fox with a 25-yard screamer. 28 mins - East Fife free-kick straight at keeper Bullock who drops it over the line 2-1. 72 mins - veterans Crawford and Hamilton link up 2-2. 74 mins - East Fife cross the line twice, clear handball on the line. No penalty, no goal. 75 mins - Livi 2 East Fife 3. Fans start to leave. 82 mins - Bobby Barr solo effort, first goal for the club after a year's wait. 89 mins - Keaghan Jacobs squeezes home via a deflection from a narrow angle. Livingston 4 East Fife 3. I thought I would expire. Simply the most exciting game of football I have seen at any level.
RM
No comments:
Post a Comment