The County Scene - Week 23: Mohammad'll Fix It

The ghost of Hansie Cronje loomed large over the Lord's Test match as spot-fixing allegations catapulted the game of cricket onto the front page of newspapers around the world. More on that in a minute. First, here's the Five Minute Test Match, with as little as possible wasted on the latest controversy:

England 446 (Trott 184, Broad 169, Mohammad Aamer 6-84) beat Pakistan 74 (Swann 4-12) and 147 (Umar Akmal 79*, Swann 5-62) by an innings and 225 runs



On the first day of this series, Michael Atherton commented on Sky Sports that he loved watching and playing in past England-Pakistan series because of the amount of controversy and talking points which they seemed to throw up. He then expressed a wish that this series had "lots of controversy". Happy now Michael?

This is not my report of the events, that is what BBC News is for. This is simply me adding my opinion to the melting pot. First of all, I don't really know why the News of the World felt it necessary to stick their oar in as usual - it's a well-known fact that their priority is making money by manufacturing sensationalist headlines, rather than appealing to an intellectual readership. One could draw parallels between this and the behaviour of certain Pakistani cricketers. Another person who shouldn't have got involved so quickly is Imran Khan. This guy is far too fiery to be a politician, and his wish for all those implicated to be immediately banned for life is one made with an angry heart rather than his head. The PCB has thrown out life bans before and look how they turned out - they were practically begging for Mohammad Yousuf to come back! The police need time to complete their investigation and present the facts, rather than a series of allegations, before any sanctions can be brought before the accused players. I've commented before in this series on spot-fixing and how stupid and petty it is from a player's persepctive and I stand by that. To jeopardise one's potentially glittering career with deliberate no-balls is ludicrous, particuarly when there are millions of eyes watching your every move.

We do not know the circumstances in which the players were approached - were threats made of them, either physically or to their place in the side? Or were they simply offered cash and were daft enough to accept? Let us all calm down and examine things logically before we come to any conclusions. This goes for the people of Pakistan too - put the burning effigies out for the time being and look at the bigger picture - what is more important - the flooding affecting 14 million people, or 3 moments in a sporting event which were pre-determined? Remember what is important in life - sport is not everything.

Briefly now on the County Championship - where Nottinghamshire strengthened their position at the top thanks to a generous declaration from Lancashire - a chase of 261 was achieved on the last day in 55 overs with 3 wickets remaining. Alex Hales was the hero with 98 and 93 in his two innings in the match. This young lad has been a revelation at the top of the order, and his individual efforts here have probably broken the challenges of those around Notts at the top. He is my Victoria Sponge LAD for this week. Somerset posted 400 against holders Durham at Taunton, with Craig Kieswetter making his first runs in ages, but the rain was pretty persistent for 4 days and the match ended in a soggy draw, taking our hopes and dreams of a maiden Championship all but out of reach.

RM

Waiting on Monty's Pass

Golf is essentially an individual sport, which is what makes the Ryder Cup such an interesting event. The team element of the first two days - the foursomes and fourballs competitions, requires players to add a level of co-operation and negotiation to their game that is otherwise unnecessary on the usual tour. A terrific singles player, be it match play or stroke play, is not always the best Ryder Cup player and vice versa - Tiger Woods and 2010 European Captain Colin Montgomerie being respective cases in point.

This year, we are at Celtic Manor, which I can testify to being a pretty grim golf course (it is in Wales after all), as Europe seek to reclaim the cup they lost in Valhalla two years ago, when some of Nick Faldo's captaincy decisions backfired in a spectacular way. The selection process is now down to the sharp end, with the final qualifying tournaments taking place this week. To my understanding, the European qualifying regulations are pretty straightforward. The top four in the world rankings get an automatic spot. This is where we look particularly strong, with major winners Martin Kaymer and Graeme McDowall, along with Lee Westwood and Rory McIllroy, both of whom have been there or thereabouts at big tournaments recently. Then we have the next five highest ranked players on the European list. Two of these have been confirmed as self-styled World No.2 Ian Poulter and fellow Englishman Ross Fisher. The other three will be decided by the end of the week and are likely to be Francesco Moliniari, Peter Hanson and Miguel Angel Jiminez, barring some serious turn-ups!

Now we come to the part that's making all the headlines this week. Monty has been quoted as saying the final three picks (the wild cards) are proving nigh on impossible to make. I think you may be exaggerating a touch there old boy, as Peter Alliss might say. At the end of the day, you do not even need to be considering the selections until the culmination of the week's play, so that you know exactly who is currently in and who is not. And then it simply comes down to selecting the three players you think best fit around the players you already have. Hardly Mission Impossible!

Here is the problem - Monty does not want to upset any "big names". If you pick the form guys, big names will have to suffer, that is the way of professional sport - guys like Padraig Harrington and Sergio Garcia have not been good enough recently to merit a spot. The same goes for Luke Donald. It's an easy call for me - Justin Rose, who has been consistenly placing well on the PGA Tour, Edoardo Moliniari, winner of the Scottish Open and one who would form an obvious partnership with his brother and Paul Casey - who has an excellent match play record. There Monty, that wasn't too difficult was it?

So come on, grow a pair (of balls, not breasts - you've already got those). Don't be afraid of upsetting people, you can't please everyone as a captain. Stop spouting off to the press about how hard the choices are going to be, in order to protect bruised egos, they really aren't difficult at all. I've kind of just proven it!

RM

The County Scene - Week 22: Oval and Out

Hooray! We have reached our centenary post. I have to say when we started off in March we probably had more people doubting we'd get this far than we have followers now. But we've got there through sheer will to prove people wrong and through a love of our subject. Long may it continue.

Anyway, to the cricket. Owing to a trip to Paris (without a romantic attachment, I blog on sport for Christ's sake, I have no time for a relationship!), I was unable to keep proper tabs on the games. So, here is the setup for one week only. As I watch the highlights of the 3rd Test, I'll put up my thoughts on each day's play, culminating with the final score. It should keep things relatively interesting for those of you who actually stumble across this when you Google something else and nice and easy for me.

Day 1 - Pakistan close on 48-1 having bowled England out for 233. It's not really as though England batted horrendously today, although not for the first time it took one man to bail them out of what would have been a really bad spot. Matt Prior stood up again today with a lovely 84*, his technique continuing to look solid but not getting in the way of his naturally muscular stroke play. Stuart Broad supported with 48, looking to play his shots as well but for once managing to keep the good deliveries out as well. And there were plenty of them from Pakistan's bowlers, looking refreshed after making four changes from Edgbaston, some based on form, others on fitness. The standout was the debutant Wahab Riaz. A bustling and busy approach to the crease results in a heavy ball bowled, with the added "awkward" left-arm angle to keep batsmen honest. The Oval pitch offered added bounce to that of the previous pitches in this series but England did not seem to account for this and gave plenty of catches behind the wicket as a result of the extra lift. Which the fielders failed to drop for once! Riaz reminds me a bit of Zaheer Khan - it will be interesting to see if he can get as much reverse swing as Zaheer when he bowls with an older ball on the subcontinent. Asif, Aamer and Ajmal all looked capable as well to limit England to a score well below par. Alastair Cook looks in a nasty place technically and probably has one innings left to save his spot on the plane to Australia.

Day 2 - Pakistan were bowled out for 308, a first-innings lead of 75. England 6-1 at the close. A spirited effort from Pakistan's batsmen - particularly the returning Mohammad Yousuf. Having been cut from the captaincy after the disastrous tour of Australia at the turn of the year, the prolific Yousuf retired from all forms of cricket. Only to be called back when the selectors realised that the lineup was too green to cope against the swinging ball. He started looking pretty rusty but soon began manoevuring the ball with his usual wristy brilliance - he's a bit of a throwback player, never overhitting the ball and it's clear that Pakistan would rather move on without him but they really need him. He made 56 before chipping back to the infamous cat rescuer himself Graeme Swann. All of England's bowlers acquitted themselves reasonably with less assistance than they'd previously enjoyed this series. Pakistan's 308 was a much greater indication of the nature of the pitch than England's 233, but was still no more than par. Yousuf's influence seemed to rub off on young Azhar Ali, who hit a test best 92* and really deserved a ton for a well-paced innings but it's difficult when you have to rely on Mohammad Asif to get you there! His cover driving off the back foot was glorious and his defence was solid, despite the extra bounce that the bowlers found. Still, England can be grateful that the first innings lead established was as small as it was.

Day 3 - Was it ever in any doubt? Alastair Cook strode out to the middle with his place in the side under serious threat for the first time in five years, having seemingly struggled with his technique over a long period of time. He then proceeds to make the best hundred of his career. Rather than fighting his deficiencies, he decided to play his shots to get back into form and succeeded with admirable courage. Sure, he rode his luck a bit at times but he needs to play in this way every time and his footwork will return to where it should be naturally. I've never seen a player reach a ton so hilariously. On 97, Cook blocked the ball back to Mohammad Asif, who threw back to the keeper so wildly that it pinged over his head and ran away for 4! They all count. In contrast, Jonathan Trott dug another trench in making 38, criticised for the speed at which he scores runs. I don't buy this. With Cook playing fluently, you needed a man to dig in and play watchfully, defending and leaving the ball - too often this summer have the top order got out playing at balls they needn't have. And Pakistan bowled pretty well again. Mohammad Aamer was reverse swinging the ball beautifully - Matt Prior did well to get a nick on the ball that dismissed him. And Saeed Ajmal showed why he is a much better option than Danish Kaneria - not for the first time, the batsmen simply could not read his subtle variations. Now that the pressure is temporarily off Cook, can we please focus on Collingwood, who looked fucking horrendous today and has a poor average this summer, and Pietersen. KP is so narrow-minded about his technique and insists on getting forward to everything, irrespective of length. You cannot do that on a true Oval track. Today, he left a gate so wide for Ajmal to exploit that you could have driven cattle through it. I know he is a talisman but is his style really for the greater good of the team? Ian Bell must come back for the Ashes for one of these two (although it'll probably be Eoin Morgan!). England closed on 221-9, 146 runs ahead.

Day 4 - Pakistan successfully chase 148 to win the test match. With a slight wobble, making things more exciting than they needed to be! This actually was a really good match, with plenty of strong individual performances but the best all-round team winning through. England's batting simply wasn't good enough to win at the Oval. Strauss' captaincy defied logic for a while, instructing his seamers to bowl outside off stump, rather than a more attacking line. This defensive strategy is not the greatest option when you have a small total to play with. The batsmen hung in there are were got out rather than throwing it all away - Swann was again outstanding but seemingly the whole team were reliant on him winning the match. Mohammad Aamer picked up his 5th wicket when Stuart Broad spooned to mid-on and was there at the end with Umar Akmal. Man of the Match and a LAD. I wouldn't worry too much about this game from England's perspective - the problems posed by Pakistan are very different to those facing them in the near future. However, it is always nice to win every match you play - sadly they were not good enough to do so on this occasion.

Pakistan 308 (Azhar Ali 92*, Mohammad Yousuf 56, Swann 4-68) and 148-6 beat England 233 (Prior 84*, Wahab Riaz 5-63) and 222 (Cook 110, Mohammad Aamer 5-52, Saeed Ajmal 4-71) by 4 wickets. Series 2-1 England with one to play (starts Thursday at Lord's)

RM

The County Scene - Week 21: Floodlight Robbery

I will start this week with an apology - for the first time in 21 weeks I have failed to get this post out on a Monday. Actually, why am I apologising? I make an effort for a good 5 months to get a good quality blog entry out and no bugger reads it! Anyway, next week's will also be delayed, as I am away for a few days and will need to catch up with highlights of the Test match before doing the podcast.

Moving on to the Pakistan tour, we had another one of those pointless two day warm-ups, from which we learn nothing - just give these poor overworked players a few days off to enjoy their surroundings! As it is, Pakistan perhaps could have done with a bit of time to sharpen their fielding, but the Worcester weather allowed for no such thing:

Pakistan 112-2 drew with Worcestershire

That is literally all the cricket we managed in two days. At least Mohammad Yousuf was able to play an innings of some substance for the first time in six months in preparation for his return from international exile. He made 40*. Expect fun and games at the Oval - scene of Ball Tamper Gate four years ago and with Kamran Akmal coming back into the Pakistan side now Zulqarnain Haider has broken a finger. Presumably while dropping a catch. England unchanged.

There is something galling about losing out when you know you were so close to victory. Saturday threw up two fine examples of this, although I am apparently banned from discussing Graeme's disappointing day any further on this blog. Let us instead turn to T20 finals day. Here's a question - what kind of a way is loss of wickets a method of tiebreaking? When has it ever been used before in preference to a super over or a bowl out? No, the first time it gets used is to Somerset's detriment in the final against Hampshire, a team who went 8-8 in getting to the knockout stages, hardly the form of champions. Here's the story - 11 to win off two overs in a chase of 174. Easy. Ben Phillips bowls a heroic penultimate over to take it to 8 from the last. Aussie Dan Christian pulls a hamstring and needs a runner from the last ball, 2 to win, 1 to tie (and therefore win). Zander de Bruyn bowls, plumb lbw not given, leg bye scrambled. Christian, forgetting his injury, tore up the other end along with his runner. If Craig Kieswetter had only taken the bails off, it would have been a run out and a 1 run victory for Somerset - injured batsmen with runners cannot leave their batting crease. It was a pretty tense day all round - Somerset beat Notts in the second semi by just 3 runs under Duckworth and Lewis, a superb catch from Kieron Pollard tipping the calculation in their favour. Jos Buttler's 55* off 23 was breathtaking (or so I'm told, I was at a certain football match at the time). Hampshire's 6 wicket win over Essex was far more formulaic, in stark comparison to their next game.

I suppose I should probably congratulate Hampshire - not a flashy side, but with plenty of effective players. And I do love Dominic Cork their captain. Enough to make him my Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week. LAD

RM

How the AFC West Will Be Won

The teams in this division are far from evenly matched. You need to look at the starting QBs to see the gulf in class between the four - one with an elite passer, two with decent guys who generally post good numbers without setting the world alight and one with Matt Cassel. You would generally think the San Diego Chargers will walk this division based on previous form, but look a little closer and you may identify a few potential surprises:

San Diego Chargers - it hasn't really been the quiet off-season that an NFL team could hope for. A number of star players have moved on, held out or been the subject of much speculation over their contract status. Let's start with the RB position. Veteran LaDanian Tomlinson has gone to New York Jets, with his numbers beginning to drop off. A good move by the Chargers - Tomlinson was bringing less and less to the offense and rookie Ryan Matthews is already tipped by many to be Offensive Rookie of the Year. He'll certainly see plenty of action in the backfield, unlike CJ Spiller of Buffalo, who has a real committee alongside him to carry the ball (although he is the only one not currently injured!). Now we come to the holdouts - the two who have not yet signed are crucial to San Diego's chances, the man who did eventually sign less so. OLB "Lights Out" Shawne Merriman is a good player, don't get me wrong but he never re-found his best last year after an injury-hit 2008, so did he really deserve a new bumper contract? There is also relative depth at that position on the roster. Less so at LT, where Marcus McNeill normally resides. His holdout, and that of WR Vincent Jackson could seriously derail Philip Rivers' offense. Malcolm Floyd will have to step up and make more plays in the receiving corps if Jackson is not to be missed. That is if Rivers isn't sacked first through lack of protection. They were denied a Championship game in 2009 through Nate Kaeding's misfiring boot. They won't get as far this time. Win the division 10-6 but out in the wild card round.

Denver Broncos - with all the hype surrounding the drafting of Tim Tebow, it's sometimes hard to remember who runs the offense in Denver. It's Kyle Orton by the way. I still have no idea 4 months on why the Broncos were so desperate for Tebow and indeed why they selected WR Demaryius Thomas in the first round as well. They can pass the ball no problem and RB Knowshon Moreno should progress in his sophomore year. The simple truth is that Josh McDaniels' side is defensive awful. Now even more so that it appears that star LB Elvis Dumervil will be out for the best part of the season with a pectoral injury. There is now so much resting on the shoulders of 9-time Pro Bowl CB Champ Bailey - can his production really stay at such a high standard forever? Even if he can, the depth around him is so weak that it will be easy for the opposition to target whichever area of the field he is not patrolling! As I've already said, the offense will win them games on their own. The standout guy is the giant OT Ryan Clady, who will probably make Tebow look better than he actually is if he ever does get out onto the field. The rest of the unit is lacking in star names - like their starting QB they are decent pros who know how to get a job done. 8-8

Oakland Raiders - hold the front page folks. The Raiders drafted sensibly! JaMarcus Russell has gone to presumably eat himself to an early grave and Jason Campbell takes over at QB, having proven to be a man to do a difficult job at Washington. When you add in 8th overall pick - LB Rolando McClain and OT Bruce Campbell, an absolute steal of a 4th round pick, you can see that Tom Cable now has the ingredients to take this side to the next level. I am well aware that this has been said many times before and the team have not delivered on their promises. I'm not saying they're going to make a crazy run to the Superbowl, where Darrius Heyward-Bey will score the winning touchdown and be voted MVP. Just no. Although I do hear that Heyward-Bey has now learned how to catch the football as well as be fast. The defense is the main spine of this team - CB Nnamdi Asomugha is a real star and has shut out many of the best receivers in the game at embarrassingly regular intervals. McClain is expected to slot straight into the defense and will probably make a serious impact. It's probably also worth noting that K Sebastian Janikowski has one hell of a boot of him, so much so that he was a first round pick back in the days when the Raiders were idiots. I think some big teams won't be laughing quite so hard during the regular season. Oakland will spring tha few surprises on the way to 9-7 but it won't be enough.

Kansas City Chiefs - Still rubbish. If the running game fails, they fail. To that end, free agent Thomas Jones was brough in by the Jets, having had a career best year last year (in terms of both yards and TDs). That said, Steven Hawking would probably gain over 1,000 yards rushing for the Jets, such is the protection given by their O-Line. Jones will probably struggle behind lesser mortals in that position, although Jamaal Charles looks a really decent RB and will look to build on his first 1,000 year in 2009. This is pretty much where the positives end. One of football's great mysteries is how Matt Cassel led the Patriots to the playoffs in 2008 when Tom Brady was absent. He did not have a good year in 2009 - his first as a starting QB, in Kansas City. You simply cannot throw as many interceptions as you do TDs. Unless your name is Mark Sanchez of course. Tyson Jackson had a decent rookie year and will want to improve, spurring the defense onto greater things. To that end, SS Eric Berry (hereby known as Erc Brry, in honour of Charley Casserly) has been drafted high as a ball-hawk, making plays where the offense will not. 5-11

RM

Revis holdout a symptom of Sport's latest sickness

It happens every year during the NFL pre-season - a star player holds out and does not attend training camp until he gets a contract extension that pays him ridiculous sums of money. While some have looked at the plight of the San Diego Chargers, with Shawne Merriman and Marcus McNeill both making new demands of their franchise, the biggest holdout has been that of CB Darrelle Revis of the New York Jets. Just a few weeks ago, Brian Baldinger of the NFL Network stated that Revis was the best player in the league at any position. It may seem like an outlandish claim but Baldinger's opinion is one I respect, purely because he referred to former Eagles' QB Donovan McNabb as "flawed", making me feel a whole lot better about the new season!

Revis wishes to become the highest paid cornerback in the league, surpassing Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders. Both are exceptional talents in the secondary, but has a greater range of abilities - Asomugha is more of a playbreaker than a playmaker, whereas Revis is equally adept at intercepting passes as he is defending them. Both have proven that they can shut out the best WRs in the league on a regular basis, although Asomugha has done it over a longer period of time. If talent equalled money, Revis has every right to be the richest corner in the NFL. However, ambitions of a Superbowl ring for both player and franchise will be significantly weakened if the holdout continues into the regular season, in spite of what the Jets say about the perceived depth at Revis' position. Good though Antonio Cromartie and rookie Kyle Wilson could be, the fear that drives opposition QBs to avoid one side of the field completely will be lost. And will Revis find a team with as good an all-round defence as that which Rex Ryan has at his disposal? Of course, he could ride the Peyton Manning train in Indianapolis and get as close to a Superbowl, but will the satisfaction be the same in what is a weaker defensive unit? The whole drawn-out negotiation process appears to be to everyone's detriment.

Or is it? Here comes another soapbox moment. Does Revis care more about the legacy of his NFL career or the size of his pay cheque? His behaviour seems to suggest the latter and he certainly would not be the first sportsman to put money before glory and silverware (some would suggest Asomugha does the same thing remaining in Oakland!). One look at England's (association) football team, continuing their lacklustre ways in the friendly against Hungary this week, to see this point in action. So long as they continue to pick up their super-sized wages at their clubs, they couldn't give a shit about performing on behalf of their nation. I'd like to think that Scotland's players are different and are just lacking in world-class ability, but as myself and Graeme pointed out last week, the Old Firm players at least are more focused on club matters. Even at club levels, players are more interested in the wages they receive than the level of football they would be playing at. Step forward Man City - both Robinho and Yaya Toure had offers from more prestigious Champions League team, but would rather have picked up ridiculous sums of money (£200,000 a week for the Toure brother becoming surplus to requirements at Barcelona) and play in the Europa League than strive for the very best that they could achieve.

The World's Best Paid Footballer - coming soon to the Europa League

It happens in other sports too. Rugby Union and cricket fans will tell you at great lengths that "their sport has professionals there for the love of the game and are not acting like those overpaid football yobs". Which is why Danny Cipriani essentially abandoned his international career to move to the Melbourne Rebels, where I believe he is on a very tidy contract indeed. Ditto all those who moved to play in France, despite warnings from management. Which goes to show how much respect Martin Johnson commands as a manager. An ECB central contract for Test cricketers is not too shabby either, with all travel expenses paid. And with the advent of the IPL, we have regularly seen players in a battle with their national boards over their commitments to the country versus the lucrative contract. Eventually, the contract will win out more and more often, as it did back in Australia in the 1970s with Kerry Packer's World Series Cricket.

Sport is going through a phase of the individual considering themselves more important than the team or nation and would rather be financially well-off than majorly successful at the top level. This is understandable, given the brief shelf life of a top class sportsman. However, sometimes, as in the case of Darrelle Revis, you have to question the logic and the motives.
RM

Here Comes Football: A Brief Premiership Preview

This is a short look at how this season's English Top Flight will pan out. I've split the league into groupings to reflect what each group will be likely to achieve.

Group 1: The Title Contenders

1st. Chelsea: Have the right title-winning experience, and are still a season away from being an old team. Bringing in a new face or two alongside Ramires (work permit permitting) would seal the deal.

2nd. Arsenal: A Man U slump will let Arsenal be more involved in the race. Still too naive, and plan B still isn't up to scratch. Plan A, fortunately, is bloody effective.

3rd. Manchester United: The season when the tired old legs finally fail? Everyone seems to have forgotten how injury prone and lacking in depth they were last season.

Goup 2: Stuck in a Final Champions League Spot Battle

4th. Manchester City: Have a good manager, and shitloads of cash. Do not have a great manager, or great purchases from their shitloads of cash. Still not good enough, but 4th place is easily in reach.

5th. Liverpool: Hodgson should remind them that the talent is still there in parts. Torres, Gerrard and particularly Reina will win some games on their own. The defense, once Benitez's greatest asset, will cost them games. And if Mascherano leaves, there really will be precious few other top quality players in the squad.

6th. Tottenham Hotspur: Need to avoid injury and regression towards the Europa League. They've deluded themselves somewhat with regards their squad depth. It doesn't count for much if the players are constantly on the treatment table.

Group 3: Looking up at 4th Place in Hope, but Happy with the Europa League

7th. Everton: They had their chance at the Champions League a few years back. They won't get another shot for a while yet. On paper they are very talented, but injuries and other issues always seem to stop them reaching full potential.

8th. Aston Villa: This actually seems optimistic after O'Neill's departure. They still have a side clearly superior to the Group 4 sides below, Milner or not, and I can't see them slipping that badly provided a good manager is brought in.

9th. Birmingham: McLeish has built a side that no-one really wants to watch, but importantly, no-one wants to play. If Foster replaces Hart adequately, I think they will do a bit better than last season's effort.

10th. Sunderland: Belong in Group 4, but one of those teams will inevitably have a good season and end up finishing 10th or higher. This year, with no real evidence, I'm going with the Wearsiders.


Group 4: The dull lower-mid table lot that are always last on Match of the Day

11th. Blackburn: Could replace Sunderland in Group 3 provided they buy a couple of depth players. Big Sam is massively over-rated, but is still a good bet to keep a team safely camouflaged in mid-table.

12th. Bolton: Owen Coyle should, after a full summer with the team, improve their chances. They lack creative players beyond Lee Chung-Yong, but do have Jaaskelainen and a now recovered Gary Cahill. Which is better than a lot of clubs possess.

13th. Fulham: They finished 12th with Sir Roy last season, and haven't got any better through signings. Mainly though, I don't rate Mark Hughes. I've never liked him and feel he was massively overrated in previous jobs. He won't be taking them higher than 10th any time soon.

14th. West Ham: Last seasons shambles will hopefully be forgotten. Avram Grant is a perplexingly decent manager and the squad, while as deep as a puddle, contains Green, Cole, Parker and over 80% of the country's Young English Talent TM. Signings have been decent too.

15th. Stoke: Have Shawcross. Are solid enough. Are dull. But not dull enough to get relegated.


Group 5 Relegation Fodder

16th. Wolves: When your success has been delivered by Mick McCarthy, you know the bubble will burst sooner rather than later. The squad is the same one as the decent lot from last season, plus Stevie Fletcher, but I don't think they'll be reaching the heady heights of 15th this year.

17th. Newcastle: Not a good team by Premiership standards. Hughton, while I don't mind the man, has no real experience and basically fluked on winning the Championship. The defense has been shored up only by Sol Campbell's remains, and goals must come from Andy Carroll and Peter Lovenkrands. There is no-one else. Not a recipe for success.

18th. West Brom: They've been promoted again. I don't care. Nobody cares. They go up and down so many times, and do so little of interest when they are up, that they are dismissed every year. Which is what I'm doing, although to be honest I think they're probably a better team than Newcastle and could stay up.

19th. Wigan: Pretty passing football does not work if you are based in the North, especially when your flair players are Jordi Gomez, Hugo Rodallega and Jason Scotland. The squad has only 18 outfield players, and most of them are crap. They lost their best defensive talent, Titus Bramble. Titus Bramble.

Group 6: Blackpool

20th. Blackpool: Basically, they are fucked.


GM

The County Scene - Week 20: The Runners and Riders

I'm going to start with the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award, purely because it was so abundantly clear who should win it for this week. That and I haven't seen highlights of the last day of the Test match yet and so cannot post a 100% accurate analysis (now rectified). This star turn came in a not-so-glamourous encounter between Gloucestershire and Worcestershire at Cheltenham, a not-so-glamourous venue. The hosts (Gloucestershire for those of you who don't know your geography of the beautiful South West) have struggled this year getting through the 90s and making big hundreds. No such problem here as Ireland captain Will Porterfield and Kiwi James Franklin were amongst the runs in a big first innings score of 480. Worcestershire looked in control of things at the end of Day 2 at 124-2, with the match heading for a draw, what with some dodgy weather around. Cue madness on Day 3, where 18 wickets fell. Worcestershire folded for 278, a concession of 202 and were indebted to Daryl Mitchell's 104. However, Alan Richardson and Bangaldesh spinner Shakib Al Hasan ran through the home order for 136 second time out, leaving a stiff target of 339 to win. Opener Mitchell saw them home with an unbeaten 134, in partnership with Moeen Ali, who made 59 and 94 in the match. On a deteriorating pitch and with a healthy run rate required, Mitchell's effort in the comeback victory makes him a LAD.

I thought it would be a good time to see where everybody is at in county cricket and who is likely to make a push for glory or despair in the last few weeks of the season. Championship Divison One will likely be contested by three teams. Notts are currently top, five clear of Yorkshire with a game in hand, with Somerset a further eight points back. My boys have been in this position the last couple of years and haven't been able to make the final push and this year will probably follow the same script. Yorkshire did well to hold out for a draw against the leaders this week to deprive them of crucial points and keep the gap tight - the weather could yet play a role in deciding the outcome. Durham, Warwickshire, Hampshire and Essex are the four teams battling relegation, although Durham will probably pick up enough bonus points to escape trouble in their games in hand. Warwickshire would have been doomed had they not beaten Essex in a low-scoring match this week. It'll probably be those two to drop I would think. In Division Two, Sussex should hold on for the title and will almost certainly be promoted along with one from Glamorgan and Northamptonshire. The Welsh side are the one who will probably adapt best to the higher level. Derbyshire look nailed on for the wooden spoon.

The CB40 is also getting towards the sharp end. Somerset look unstoppable in Group A with their perfect record. Yorkshire, Essex and one-day specialists Gloucestershire are in the tightest battle in Group B. Warwickshire and Notts have comfortably pulled away from the pack in Group C. All of the top teams and the best second place team go into the semis before the grand finale to the season at Lord's in mid-September.

Now - the Test match. Another comfortable victory for England

England 251 (Pietersen 80, Trott 55, Saeed Ajmal 5-82) and 118-1 (Trott 53*, Strauss 53*) beat Pakistan 72 (Anderson 4-20, Broad 4-38) and 296 (Zulqarnain Haider 88, Saeed Ajmal 50, Swann 6-65) by 9 wickets



RM

Qualifying Graeme's Piece on Celtic Not Qualifying

I'd like to make it clear that this post in no way criticises what Graeme wrote yesterday - if anything it takes things on a step further. Anyway, he's a big boy and can deal with most things thrown his way (unless it's coated in peanuts). I think I might be in trouble for that one.

I feel I have borne the brunt of a lot of abuse of Scottish football through my life having lived in England. If things go wrong for us in any way, I have to hear about it in gloating tones and remain gracious, taking things in good humour. Of course, moments like the Germany match make up for this problem! However, I will say that the ribbings I receive are not down to the failings of the Old Firm in Europe - more down to the lack of quality, if not effort, of our national side. It should be the case that our two biggest clubs feed directly into the national side. This ideal is not as prevalent as it should be because neither side stands for Scotland or the national team. Rangers fans are more obsessed with Orange marches, the Queen and the United Kingdom, a union which many Scots have been trying to get out of for 350 years. Celtic are more interested in the Pope and Ireland, remaining touchy about a famine which affected roughly none of them.

Here's a solution - and a message to the fans of both clubs - just watch the football lads. Put your petty sectarian differences to one side and focus on building two clubs that represent the country in which you play. Who cares what the others believe? That is, if they even do believe it and are not simply looking for a reason for a square go.

My argument is this - ordinary non-Old Firm supporting Scottish football fans should feel no disgrace in the Old Firm's failings, because the Old Firm and their fans have no interest in representing us. This to me is not a spirit indicative of Scottish football, which for the most part is friendly, full of witty self-deprecation or gallows humour and focused on the actual play, not some archaic religious symbolism. The Scottish Football League starts on Saturday. Graeme and I both have season tickets for the small club we have followed since we were tiny. We will follow them, win, lose or draw. We may moan, we may even come to blows, we may encounter a stupid opposition ned who fancies a scrap but we will be there purely for the love of the team and of the Scottish game.

THAT is what represents true Scottish football
RM

Pathetic Celtic Disgrace Us. Again.

I could have written the headline to this piece weeks before either of the two games were even played. To anyone clued up on Scottish football, the end result of the two Champions League Qualifiers between Celtic and Sporting Braga really was that predictable.

Lo and behold, a shockingly poor performance in Portugal led to a 3-0 win for Braga. We then had to hear all the pathetic drivel about 'Fortress Parkhead' and Celtic's 'intimidation factor', as if having to put up with slightly louder abuse than usual was going to seriously derail a team that comfortably picked a disjointed Bhoy's side to pieces without breaking sweat.

And by this stage, after all that bluster and bullshit, it was simply inevitable that Braga were going to come into Parkhead and open the scoring. Surprise surprise eh?

I am sick and tired of being the laughing stock of everyone in Western Europe when it comes to football. The Old Firm, with their monopoly on European football and its attached revenue, are finding more and more ways to balls everything up, each more embarassing than the last.

And, save the national team (who are still the punchline to many a crap football joke in England and beyond), the Old Firm are the only exposure others have to Scottish football. I for one am sick and tired of the Glasgow 'Giants' making the rest of us look like fools.

This years domestic title race is between a pauper squatting in his soon-to-be-reposessed stadium and a leper clinging to his patchwork cloak made of obscure, mediocre Korean and Dutch defenders. Who will keel over and die first and who will be the lucky one left to drag their pathetic body over the finishing line, claiming the glory of being the best of an awful pair?

One thing is certain. A couple of months later, after the celebrations have ended and both sides have drunk themselves into a stupor of sectarian violence, nightclub bans and prison time they will be in European qualifying action once again. And as another team from the Continent, bolt gun in hand, prepares to do the inevitable deed, they still expect us to care about these worn-out nags?

Frankly my dear, I don't gve a fuck. Sorry for the language kids.

GM

The County Scene - Week 19: Pakistan thrashed by swing-king Jimmy

I have decided that this is the perfect opportunity to make my first proper use of our new Audioboo technology, much like the Umpire Decision Review System, which was used for the first time in England in this test match. As has been said, each recording can only last five minutes. Hence why I have decided to call this segment "Five Minute Test Match". Yes, I know, it's so clever. Here is the score and analysis:

England 354 (Morgan 130, Collingwood 82, Mohammad Asif 5-77) and 262-9d (Prior 102*) beat Pakistan 182 (Gul 65*, Anderson 5-54) and 80 (Anderson 6-17) by 354 runs



There really can be no denying Jimmy Anderson at the moment. Career best match figures, to go with a successful Saturday night game show:



So after a multimedia approach to the test match, it's probably time to settle down and cover the domestic T20 quarter-finals. Which for the most part were pretty good. The only one which failed to set the pulses racing was Somerset's seven-wicket cruise against Northants. To be honest, I couldn't care less how they won but it was so one-sided! Murali Kartik and Arul Suppiah bowled their eight overs of left-arm spin for less than 30 runs in total as nobody managed to find their timing on an unusually dry and hostile Taunton pitch. Rob White's hilarious running between the wickets didn't help at all as three men perished run out.

Now the other three games certainly had their merits. Notts only managed 141 from their overs against Sussex, which seemed under par on a good Trent Bridge pitch, although not as poor as 80 all out in a test match! Yasir Arafat picked up 4 wickets, looking potent as ever at the death of the innings. However, Notts defended the total magnificently, particularly Darren Pattinson with 3-17 in his three overs. No batsman got 30, so no momentum was gathered, and Sussex fell 14 runs short. Lancashire put up a stiff 183 for Essex to chase and they succeeded thanks to a second wicket stand of 147 between Mark Pettini (81) and Matt Walker (74) in an eight wicket victory. The best game came at Edgbaston. Home side Warwickshire hit 153, Darren Maddy top scoring in a real team effort. The runs were restricted by Hampshire's left arm spinner Danny Briggs. The run chase was certainly a one-man effort - James Vince underlined his huge potential with an anchoring 66* as the Royals scraped home by 5 wickets with one ball left. Vince is the Victoria Sponge LAD of the week for this knock.

I have a Notts vs Essex final (my brother tells me this is a pretty pessimistic view). For the fourth year in a row, I will be away for finals day which is a bit gutting but to be honest Livingston vs Dumbarton will be so worth it!
RM