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Roy Hodgson's Glorious Season Should Earn Him England Job

In a league which is high on results and low on patience, it is often easier to turn to expensive foreign managers for a quick fix, or to bring in one of the generic 'old hands' (hello Sam Allardyce) to steady the ship.

So when relegation-threatened Fulham decided to appoint Roy Hodgson in December 2007, it was seen as a dubious move. Hodgson was seen as detatched from the modern English game having last coached in the Premiership with Blackburn Rovers in 1998. That tenure ended badly, and he proceeded to work his way around Europe's leagues and national teams. His last two jobs prior to Fulham, with Finland and Viking Stavagnar of Norway, pretty much suggested that he was past it.

Now, basking in the wake of Fulham's progression to their first ever European cup final, Hodgson is arguably the Premiership Manager of the Season and undoubtedly one of the best managerial appointments of the last decade.

Fulham showed remarkable determination and grit in coming back to beat Hamburg at Craven Cottage, after getting a 0-0 result in the great old German port city. On both occasions, Hodgson got his tactics spot on, and his organisational and motivational techniques have been proven to be first class.

Hodgson has succeeded in getting the best out of the myriad talents of a Fulham team most pundits considered distinctly average at the start of the season. Credit must go to Fulham' board for not acting rashly and sacking Roy after his poor start back in 2008. Since then, he has been able to strengthen the team with new signings (Schwarzer, Hangelaand, Johnson), and has lit a fire under other players such as Simon Davis, Damian Duff, Jonathan Greening and Aaron Hughes.

And as Bobby Zamora is now in England consideration for the World Cup, then Hodgson must practically be a miracle worker.

Speaking of England, I can see no more fitting reward for Sir Roy than to replace Fabio Capello when he inevitably leaves after the World Cup. Hodgson's current credentials for the job are unmatched amongst Premiership managers. Perhaps Martin O'Neill would deserve consideration, but the fact that Hodgson has managed abroad, took charge of national sides before and is at the stage in his career which he would probably sit well with the decreased workload of national coach all work in his favour.

Wembley: Hodgson's new pad?

Plus, he is English. And unlike the case of the Wally with the Brolly McLaren, Hodgson's current record and experience actually warrents consideration for the job. His English nationality is merely a bonus. I always feel that it is better to have a national team manager native to the country as it characterises the team in a way that a foreign coach never could (see Vogts, Bertie).

So well done Sir Roy, and good luck at the final. Hopefully you get all that you deserve.

GM

Scottish Fitba Media needs Reality Check

I have forged a reputation as the mild-mannered member of the Beyond the Cliche production team. That is about to come crashing down to the ground after I spotted something I didn't much like on a train to Almondvale. An unnamed Scottish newspaper (OK it was The Daily Record) decided that Rangers' SPL title win was worthy of 16 pages of today's rag, under the title of "2 Good for Everyone". At best, this is gutter press. At worst, it is a fine example of the disease that afflicts Scottish football - namely the media's infatuation with the heavenly Old Firm, telling readers who don't know any better that they are the proverbial "Dog's Bollocks".

As a lower league fan, it is part of my psyche to hate both Celtic and Rangers - some would call it a balanced opinion. I bear no grudge against Rangers for winning the SPL, they were slightly less average over the course of the season than Celtic. However, 16 pages of headlines like "Bougherra says 'Walter made me a Winner'" do nothing for the image of Scottish football outside of Ibrox or Parkhead. Madjid Bougherra is not a winner because of Walter Smith. He is a winner because there is a ceiling to his talents which have been reached at the best club in a very uncompetitive and poor quality league. Call it lack of ambition, call it limited ability - nobody better will take him, so why not win trophies whilst being mediocre?

And what have these two frankly mercenary clubs contributed to the wider Scottish game? Other than taking on the best young Scottish players from other clubs and benching them, pretty much nothing. Can you name a single current player produced by the Old Firm who has gone on to better things after leaving? Don't you dare say Alan Hutton or Barry Ferguson. You wouldn't see any of their players leaving and then being subject of a £4 million bid from a club like West Ham (had to bring that up, it's not often a guy pops up at Almondvale the same day he's the main headline on the BBC Sport website!). Again, don't say Alan Hutton or Barry Ferguson.

While our press continues to fawn over the Big Two, Scottish football will go nowhere. Year on year, they have gone into Europe and embarrassed themselves and their nation. It is a big fish, small pond mentality which is so short-sighted that it has begun to rub off on the players involved - they appear to actually believe that being a member of what is probably the worst SPL winning team (certainly the poorest) of all time is the pinnacle of their careers. Sadly, it probably is. There is simply no competition in that league to justify 16 lines, let alone 16 pages. For 4 games a season there can be genuine interest, but anybody who has watched/suffered these "special occasions" this year can testify against the quality of football on offer.

OK rant over. Well done Rangers, but please don't get carried away - celebrate as you would winning the luxury hamper at a school fair raffle. That should be sufficient for the actual level of your achievement

RM

The County Scene - Week 5: Unicorns mount up

OK, this post is not about the Unicorns that I play for, sadly the west coast weather put paid to our tie with the Glasgow boys. No - this week sees the first match in the ECB 40 for a bunch of guys without first-class contracts and quite frankly I find the squad name an infringement of copyright. The Sports Union lawyers are on the case as we speak. Some of the players are fairly talented, such as former Somerset all-rounder Wes Durston, ex-Gloucestershire bowler Mark Hardinges and university prodigy Zoheb Sharif. I expect they'll upset a few teams but will not make any serious waves in the competition.

Anyway - here are the results from this week's first-class matches:

Championship Division 1

Durham 384 (Blackwell 83, di Venuto 71, Kabir Ali 5-98) and 262-5 (Coetzer 72, Blackwell 62) beat Hampshire 345 (Carberry 113, Adams 68, Plunkett 4-107) and 298 (Pothas 76) by 5 wickets

Lancashire 312 (Horton 123, Moore 61, Croft 56, Masters 4-81) and 38-2 beat Essex 176 (ten Doeschate 55*, Anderson 6-44) and 173 (Cook 50) by 8 wickets

Kent 317 (Stevens 92, Bresnan 5-52) and 357-8d (Hockley 82, van Jaarsveld 78, Tredwell 72*, Jones 53) drew with Yorkshire 283 (Bairstow 70, Rashid 59, Azhar Mahmood 4-58) and 300-5 (Lyth 84, Bresnan 70, Sayers 61, McGrath 55)

Nottinghamshire 250 (Franks 61, Amla 58, Willoughby 4-40) and 250-8 (Wagh 70, Amla 64*) beat Somerset 272 (Trego 66) and 227 (Trescothick 98, Wright 78, Broad 5-89) by 2 wickets

Championship Division 2

Derbyshire 363 (Smith 165*, Park 61, Harrison 4-53) and 121-2 (Rogers 51*) beat Glamorgan 272 (Wright 60, Wallace 58, Allenby 57, Jones 4-60) and 211 (Rees 102, Smith 4-66) by 8 wickets

Sussex 152 (Franklin 4-27) and 302 (Martin-Jenkins 102*, Thornely 64) beat Gloucestershire 128 (Rana Naved 4-49) and 119 by 207 runs

Northamptonshire 307 (Peters 62, Boje 61*, Sales 55, Evans 5-87) and 395-4 (Peters 183*, Wakely 87) beat Middlesex 442-8d (Simpson 101*, London 77, Robson 52) and 258-3d (Newman 112, Malan 56*) by 6 wickets

Surrey 495 (Davies 137, Hamilton-Brown 125) and 239-8d (Ramprakash 82, Davies 69*) drew with Worcestershire 465 (Moeen Ali 126, Solanki 114, Smith 80, Kervezee 68, Scott 55) and 170-8 (Moeen Ali 70*)

University Match

Leicestershire 411-7d (du Toit 154, Taylor 56) and 285-2d (Jefferson 101*, Naik 72, Cobb 55) drew with Cambridge Uni 190 (Wheater 55, Woolley 55, Naik 4-24) and 116-1 (Ackland 51*)

For the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award, I have looked at the Clydesdale 40 matches to select my shortlist. Here they are:

Jacques du Toit (Leicestershire) - for a massive 141 of 122 balls in a 47 run win over Notts

James Kirtley (Sussex) - 8 overs 4-30, including a triple-wicket maiden to restrict Worcester to 144-9. Sussex knocked off the runs in quick time to win by 5 wickets

Andrew Gale (Yorkshire) - 125 off 115 as the skipper led his side to victory chasing 233 against Essex with no losses

THE WINNER - All I will say is - record stand - Andrew Gale - LAD.

In other news, Durham, Somerset and Gloucester all comfortably defended decent totals, Surrey edged out Lancashire in an exciting encounter at Whitgift School and Middlesex and Warwickshire also started their campaigns with victory.

Next week I'll do a bit more of an insightful entry, just tried something a bit different this week - we are a work in progress, as you well know!
RM

Rejoice! Out First Video Post!

A new feature of our blog. We've moved up in the tech stakes and gone all multimedia on you. Here is our first attempt at some video analysis. In future, we will attempt to make use of fancy gimics like a chalkboard!

NFL Draft Analysis: The First Round

Obituary: Juan Antonio Samaranch (1920-2010)

It is no exaggeration to say that Juan Antonio Samaranch created the modern Olympic Games that every four years now enthrall the entire world. Samaranch headed the IOC between 1980 and 2001. Before him, the Olympics were a burden on the host city and in chronic decline.

Samaranch turned the Olympics into a truly global spectacle. World-wide marketing and sponsorship created a sustainable and profitable event. The Games became attractive again, they became desirable, and they ultimately provided inspiration for millions the world over.

The Spaniard, a son of Barcelona, was influencial amongst the world of sports and politics, and was respected for his great knowledge of sporting matters.

Some criticised the handling of doping monitoring and bribery issues during his tenure. However, his great positive contribution to the sporting world far outweighted any of these things.

The most influencial sportspeople in the world have joined to pay their respects to Mr Samaranch. Ultimately, it was he that allowed their talents to be fully gifted to the world.

GM

Super Six format detracts from the main show

Carl Froch fights Mikkel Kessler in Denmark on Saturday in the second round of the "Super Six Boxing Classic". I'll come to my opinion on this competition shortly but first of all, the fight itself. The Cobra will probably start as favourite, certainly amongst British boxing fans, who will remember Kessler as the man who Joe Calzaghe outpointed in 2007 to unify the Super Middleweight division. He was comfortably beaten - despite warnings that he was a potentially dangerous opponent, he came up against a very in-form Welshman in front of 50,000 of his home supporters.

But this fight will be different - it's a homer for Kessler for starters. Froch has only fought outside of England twice before, one of those the last ditch comeback against Jermain Taylor last year. It will be interesting to see how he reacts to a potentially hostile crowd, especially as a lot of the pre-match talk has been of Froch's fitness and of the volcanic ash, which has led to complications in him actually arriving in Denmark. Froch wanted the fight postponed - not exactly the sound of a confident man! If he can get through the early rounds unscathed, then he should go on and win the fight as I feel he has more in the tank than Kessler but he will need to keep his wits about him for all 12 rounds if he is to impress the judges.

So now to the competition. From a boxing perspective, I cannot see the point in tying six men to a series over three years, whereby they are not free to fight anybody outwith this group. I like the idea of something like Prizefighter, an entertaining evening whereby young boxers and veterans (those without much chance of a title shot basically) test their mettle over the course of 4 rounds, with quarter-finals, semis and the final. It's just one night, not three years. If you want to have a competition with multiple boxers, this must be the format that is adopted. The WBA and WBC super middleweight belts are currently held by two amongst these "Super Six", with the presumption that they will change hands several times throughout the competition. This format cheapens these world titles, plain and simple. A league table with 3 points for a KO, 2 for a win, 1 for a draw does not really do justice to the sport of boxing - it strikes me as a dumbing down of the sport, akin to employing dancing girls in Twenty20 cricket - it's a ploy to get more bums on seats.

I hate to sound like a purist, but boxing is a very traditional sport - it would be a shame to abandon these traditions in order to appeal to audience who do not truly understand what a fine sport it is.
RM

Majestic, Magnificent, Mysterious Mourinho Gives Sun Headline writers an Easy Day at the Office. Bayern versus Lyon is Dull

Yes, it's the Champions League Semi-Finals in review! The following piece will be short and as sweet as the current media views on Jose. Will it last?

Firstly, thank you Europe for keeping the English out of the semi-finals for the first time since 2003. I have no problem with having English teams progress to this stage, but I for one was certainly sick of the cagey, all-English affairs that seemed to be inevitable. Not because they were bad games, but purely because I'm a traditionalist in that I actually remember that there are other good teams outside of England or the Nou Camp. I appreciate the flavour that each continental league gives the tournament. It is called the European Cup after all (Editorial. The Beyond the Cliche legal team has since advised me that it is actually called the UEFA Champions League, brought to you be executive partners McDonalds, Carlsburg, and other exciting brands. Otherwise Sepp Blatter will come over and force me to watch the Swiss League until it kills me).

Firstly, to Milano, and the San Siro witnessed a stunning event completely unknown to the world: a home win. The media wank-fest over Barcelona would have led you to believe that Inter would simply be passed off the park by the only team in Europe capable of winning the Cup. Sarcasm aside, considering that this game proved to be only Pep Guardiola's third loss in this competition, Barcelona did come into the game looking formidable.

What we witnessed, most importantly, was an exciting game. Barcelona in general won the possession battle but failed to capitalise on it; Inter proved dangerous every time they attacked, and were the more efficient of the two teams at moving the ball into the final third. On the whole, the home side were upbeat and up for the challenge. How the Sky Sports commentators managed to justify slipping in a reference to the 'traditional Italian negative defensive mentality' I have no idea.

Inter, unlike Arsenal in the round beforehand, combined a strong defensive showing throughout the full 90 minutes with an ability to trouble the Barca defense on a regular basis. And when troubled on a regular basis, the Barca defense proved shakier than at any time this season, and subsequently shipped some goals.

Barcelona struggled to move the ball past Inter's well marshalled defensive banks of 4, and Javier Zanetti was able to contain Messi on his ownsome for the most part, allowing Motta and Cambiasso to close Iniesta and Xavi down quickly. Barca's most meaningful attacks therefore had to come from the less heralded attackers on the team, and Maxwell and in particular Dani Alves could not rise to the occasion.

Sergio Busquets again proved to be ineffective and spent most of the day flopping on the ground. Surely Yaya Toure would have better contained the impressive Wesley Sneijder, who was able to run Inter's show with relative impunity.

Obviously, Mourinho drilled the appropriate tactics into his team well, and deserves the credit that he is currently receiving. The tactics Inter used to foil Barca are well known to other teams, but at the end of the day it took one of Europe's top four teams to be able to pull them off for the full game. So, we've learned that one Semi finalist and domestic champion is able to beat another. Surprising eh?

Bayern verus Lyon was dull. It ended in the way that many predicted; a narrow home victory. The means to the end, with Bayern recovering from Frank Ribery's red card (perhaps he did it deliberately to visit a red light.....too soon?) to deservedly go ahead. Lyon proved negative and short-sighted when possessing a man advantage, and justice prevailed. They failed to score, and when Toulalan received his own marching orders, taking l'OL down to 10 also, they hadn't a hope of getting anything out of the game. At least this leaves the second leg nicely poised.

After all that, I'm definately looking forward to the second legs. If you're not, then you're probably a Man U or Liverpool fan (Enjoy Madrid, a couple of weeks before you hoped you'd be there!).

GM

Dead pitch makes donkeys of Unicorns

I feel like a bit of a personal diary of the university cricket season is in order. The current hangover with which I am battling pretty much indicates that it's now in full swing after yesterday's league opener for Edinburgh 2nd XI against Stirling 1s. We played these boys last year and they bowled us out cheaply before knocking off the runs in stuttering fashion. I recognised a couple of characters - the slightly unhinged opening bowler, the wee Irish captain and the tubby spinner who found the edge of my bat last year and ended up getting an lbw appeal in his favour. Prick.

The sun shone and the cookies were baking in the nearby factory at Peffermill, so when we walked out to inspect the pitch there was a sense of optimism to go with the usual air of homoeroticism. The pitch looked hard and true, right up until we threw a ball onto it and it just died. No carry on this pitch - everything needing played off the front foot, something most of our "capable" batsmen seemed to forget. So win the toss and bowl which skipper Willmott promptly did - lad! Bowling is our strong suit, especially with a big lad from the 1s opening up - as usual Wardy appeared untroubled by anything and bowled a tidy if unspectacular opening spell with a fresher known as Love Shack keeping it tight at the other end. I was busy chatting about the Stirling batsmen's questionable techniques from mid-on, a subject I have no right to be discussing! The breakthroughs began to trickle in when changes were made - Bagpuss and Rhino (we all have shite nicknames, it's banter) in particular excelling with 7 wickets between them, mostly from slower deliveries. I chipped in with 1-16, figures not helped by some pretty village fielding but then you always feel hard done by as a spinner. I chucked in a little Monty Panesar celebration to go with the general image created by my fielding and batting! 163 all out and some cracking ham and cheese sandwiches courtesy of Josh and we felt pretty pleased with ourselves, not least Rhino who posted uni best figures in his 7th year!

Then came the batting - oh dear! Just poor shot selection coupled with accurate bowling - very simple stuff. The unhinged left-armer gave our boys a couple of send-offs, which was a bit uncalled for but he was a bit of a twat I guess! I gave one of the easiest lbws of all time as Bagpuss played down a line in a different county to the delivery. The highlight had to be Wardy's massive six down the ground accompanied by a nonchalent murmur of "Boom!" but in truth this was only because their spinner was bloody awful. Still. I nudged my first delivery off my pads for a single and was part of a brave last-wicket stand with our Stuart Broad lookalike (although our man pitched the ball up when bowling) before being cleaned up by a cracking yorker from Lefty. 80 all out will never be acceptable, in spite of the pitch. It was like a sponge underneath the hard crumbling top surface (which led to our spinners actually turning the ball for a change) which doesn't make for great play - someone needs a word with the groundsman!

The drinking afterwards was far more successful. With our usual man stranded in South Africa (he hates Iceland apparently) it was up to me to co-ordinate the fines in the pub - which I feel I did very successfully, although I don't think the freshers are feeling all too pretty today! Dropped catches, misfields and ducks were particularly harshly dealt with, with our stand-in wicket keeper James seeming to have a vendetta against Rhino. Chinese food and a nightclub completed the frivolities!

Away to Glasgow on Sunday - I'm sure you all can't wait to hear the news!
RM

The County Scene - Week 4: Foster makes runs, England ignore him. Again

A lot to get through this week, so we'll start with the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award:

Rob White (Northants) - 23 wickets fell on the first day against Gloucestershire at Bristol, indications that a pitch had been underprepared. However, the ever-fastidious ECB inspectors blamed the tirade of dismissals on "shot selection". Believe me, variable bounce and seam movement galore is not indicative of poor shot selection! Only 3 50s were recorded in the match, one for Northants tail-ender Jack Brooks (53) and another for Steve Snell (52), looking much more fluent having been relieved of keeping duties. However, the star turn was that of White, making 95 on the first day out of his team's total of 186. 5 sixes were hit, mostly pulled over the short square-leg boundary at Bristol. The importance of his innings was highlighted as Gloucestershire were bowled out for 86, David Lucas excelling with 4-21. Batting got easier as the game wore on, but the big first innings lead established by White paid dividends as his side eased to a 94 run victory within 3 days, in spite of Gemaal Hussain's 9-98 in the match for the opponents.

White stormed to stardom early in his career, making 277* in only his fifth match, still the highest maiden century in English first-class history. In the 8 years proceeding this, he hasn't really shown much promise, with an average of 35. However, after a lean few years, this knock may be a return to form.

James Foster (Essex) - The first draw of the Championship was played out at Chester-le-Street, mainly due to the poor weather in Durham on the last day, something I can vouch for having had to endure a train journey that passed through "The North" yesterday. Let's face it though, the reigning champions were on the rack from the off and only some spirited batting after following on, where four batsmen passed 50, saved them. The platform was set for Essex by a record fourth wicket stand of 339 between Jaik Mickleburgh (174 - his maiden ton) and Foster (169). The Durham bowling attack, shorn of Onions and Harmison, looked bereft of ideas, although Liam Plunkett eventually recovered his form to claim 4-112. Essex then ran through the champions' batting for 198, with only Kyle Coetzer (55) resisting. Chris Wright, Ryan ten Doeschate and Tim Phillips all claimed 3 wickets.

I could quite easily nominate Mickleburgh for this prestigious award, but for my money, Foster's knock was the more fluent and he has been ignored far too many times by England in the past. To ignore him here would be an insult too far! He is comfortably the best wicket keeper in the country but has been cast asunder by England after 7 tests, due to a perceived lack of batting ability, compared to the likes of Matt Prior and Craig Kieswetter. He did get a call-up to last years Twenty20 World Cup, but the emergence of Kieswetter has nipped this resurgence in the bud. It's a shame - on the evidence of this week he still retains some batting talent but that is unlikely to make the selectors take note while he plays properly, in deference to hitting sixes like his peers.

Glen Chapple (Lancashire) - There would be arguments for nominating Steven Croft for similar work, or Simon Kerrigan for the 5-43 on debut which spun his team to victory, but the Lancashire captain gets the nod for crucial wickets and two unbeaten 50s when better batsmen stuttered around him. The Red Rose County found themselves 14-4 on day 1 before Croft and Ashwell Prince hit 50s to ease the pressure. However, they both fell to rash shots at 168-6, leaving Chapple to hit 54* to guide the team to 253. Warwickshire reduced the game to a one innings affair hitting back with 254 - Chapple taking 2-50 with two of the most beautiful outswingers you will ever see - far too good for Ian Westwood and Naqaash Tahir. The Lancashire batsmen were tied in knots again at 113-6, but Croft (56), Chapple (53*) and last man Sajid Mahmood (52 off 41) lifted the total to 319, in spite of Neil Carter's 5-79. Chapple took the first wicket of the run chase, trapping Varun Chopra in front for 6 and from there Kerrigan took over as Warwickshire folded for 197, consigning them to a 121 run defeat. Credit must go to Warwickshire captain Westwood, who carried his bat for 82*.

Chapple is a veteran of the county scene, with over 1000 wickets in all forms at an average of around 28, proving his consistent wicket-taking ability over 18 years. He is also a handy batsman with 6 first-class hundreds. A tough character and a strong leader, he made his ODI debut for England against Ireland in 2006 but picked up an injury and hasn't been picked since.

The winner - Rob White - For keeping his head and playing an aggressive innings on a tough pitch, making all the difference in leading his team to victory. LAD

In other news: A trade off of centuries between skippers at Headingley, but Andrew Gale's (101) Yorkshire saw off Marcus Trescothick's (117) Somerset by 6 wickets. Both of these sides have deep batting line-ups but on this occasion, Yorkskire applied themselves a bit more and came away with the victory, thanks to lower order performances from Tim Bresnan, Ajmal Shahzad and Adil Rashid. Notts smashed Kent by an innings and 32 runs, helped by a Hashim Amla hundred and 7 wickets in the match by Kiwi Andre Adams.

In Divison 2, Robin Martin-Jenkins again showed his all-round capabilities as Sussex beat Surrey by 10 wickets, a match notable for Arun Harinath's 62 off 290 as the paint dried on the fences at Hove. Matthew Hoggard's Leicestershire continued their resurgence against Derbyshire as Wayne White hit 101* against his former team in a 203 run success. Finally, Glamorgan conquered Middlesex at Lord's by 78 runs, in spite of Dawid Malan's excellent 115, showing some spine to a flaky batting side. David Harrison (5-62 in 1st innings) and Huw Waters (4-39 in 2nd innings) made use of helpful seam conditions.

The uni games were the usual affair. Neil McKenzie and Michael Carberry racked up the runs for Hampshire in a draw against Oxford Uni. Worcestershire struggled with the bat, but had too much for Leeds/Bradford with the ball as James Shantry ran through them with 12 wickets in a 250 run win

This week sees the start of the new ECB 40-over competition. Now I'm a big fan of 40 over cricket but not in favour of 50 overs, as this competition is. In an attempt to reduce the cricketing calendar, the ECB has scrapped a limited overs competition and expanded another. The result is two extra days of cricket in the calendar. Well done guys! Their logic in having 40 overs is that it is shorter and more entertaining for the crowds. However, it does not reflect the ODI format of 50 overs, the rationale being that "South Africa are one of the top sides in the world and they only play 40 overs domestically". Now remind me, when did South Africa win anything serious? Didn't think you could tell me. As for the cricket, look out for Somerset and Nottinghamshire as potential winners. To celebrate its launch, next week's Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award will be selected specifically from Sunday's fixtures. Championship scores will also be provided.

See you then!
RM

The Roethlisberger Conundrum

As the draft draws ever closer, further talk of a star QB being traded has sprung up. Despite the decision of a Georgia District Attorney not to press charges of sexual assault against the Pittsburgh Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger, his team are said to be mad as hell with Big Ben and have not ruled out trading him as a result of his behaviour. They set a precedent last week when releasing WR Santonio Holmes, as a result of repeated offences, generally relating to domestic violence and substance abuse. Given what Graeme said about "10,000 hours" in yesterday's blog, it doesn't take a genius to work out a little about Holmes' background! It was just over a year ago that he caught the winning pass and was named MVP in the Superbowl against the Cardinals. Yet now, he has been traded to the Jets for nothing more than a fifth-round draft pick and has been suspended by the NFL for 4 games as a result of his behaviour. The Steelers would appear to take a tough line with troublemakers and not make too much of a fuss over reputation.

This is not the first time that Roethlisberger has screwed up. This is the second time in less than a year that a woman has accused him of sexual assault. Admittedly, the first one was a bit bonkers, but you still have to go some way to getting allegations made against you in the first place - they aren't just fabricated from thin air. However, I can allay the fears of all you worried Steelers fans and say that Big Ben will not be traded!

The reason is very simple - he has achieved too much in his 6 seasons with the Steelers. Two Superbowl rings speak for themselves. Despite being in a strong class of QBs in 2004, Big Ben has trumped them all - Eli Manning may have a ring with the Giants from 2007, but he is far from an elite QB and no-one but Deion Sanders seems to believe in him. Phil Rivers puts up impressive numbers but has achieved nothing of substance as yet with the Chargers. Matt Schaub is only now beginning to establish himself as a great QB with the Texans, but needs more than Andre Johnson around him if they're to go anywhere fast. Ben Roethlisberger is, to my mind, the only one of these 4 players who can make it to the Hall of Fame. The Steelers know this and won't throw him away for nothing as they did Holmes. There was talk of them trading up in the draft from 18 to 1, so that they can pick up Sam Bradford, a move that the Cleveland Browns are also said to be considering. If they are going to trade him, this must be their only option, given his star quality and the fact that the Rams could match Roethlisberger's relatively modest contract. However, the Steelers have said that all decisions about this issue will be made after the draft, so Bradford will not be a Pittsburgh player next season.

In all probablity, he will sit out a game or two at the start of the season - Mike Tomlin has great faith in back-up Dennis Dixon and this affair will give him a chance to show what he can do. All that Big Ben can do is keep his head down, play good football when he returns and keep his hands to himself for a little while, so that he can win back the fans in Pittsburgh.

RM

Jamaican Champs Teaches UK Athletics a Harsh Life Lesson

It is an event that dominates the entire island of Jamaica; the National Schools Athletics Championships, or 'Champs'. It provides further evidence, if needed, that Jamaicans truly are obsessed by athletics.

This years event, which finished last month, attracted 30,000 plus spectators and featured high school athletes from around the length and breadth of the country. Virtually every Jamaican athelete competing at the highest level on the world atheltics stage also excelled at Champs level. Indeed, Asafa Powell was deemed skittish and too nervous following his one and only Champs appearance. Some things evidently don't change.

The marquee event, the 100 metres, was won this year by Juilian Forte with a time of 10:45s. The winner in 2008, Jazeel Murphy, set the current Jamaican schools record at age 15: 10:42s. Mark Lewis-Francis, at the same age, set the current British schools record of 10:93s. No-one has come within .1 of a second of that record since. In an event of millimetres, Jamaica have clear daylight separating their athletics standards from the UK.


A typical 'Champs' scene

Clear daylight also exists in the setup of the Jamaican athletics scene. In spite of the obvious inferiority of its education system, Jamaica still finds the money to pay for a trained athletics coach for every primary and high school. It does this without having to cut back on the rest of its curriculum.

The school athletics scene in the UK is at nowhere near this level. Our national championships attract less than 4000 spectators, and have a cloudy future beyond the next four years when a sponsorship deal with Aviva expires.

Too many schools pay little to no attention to raising athletics standards, or even bothering to raise participation levels, which are at their lowest levels for 15 years. While the idea that schools don't offer competitive athletics because 'somebody loses and everyone should be a winner' is nonsense (like much of the 'PC gone mad' stories we hear), it is certainly true that events such as sports days, once the staple of school athletics, have in many cases become little more than gimics.

While county and regional events still exist, their profile is non-existant. There is no mention of them at many schools, and no preparation for them, or setting targets to pupils to compete in them.

From personal experience, another problem is a lack of recognition and support for talented athletes within the school system. I went to a probably below-average state school in the west of Scotland. I was a talented athlete, particularly as a sprinter (100 and 200 metres) and as a high jumper. Without blowing my own trumpet, I was light years ahead of anyone else at my school, I broke easily the current school record in 6 events, and the fact that I had some talent was thus bloody obvious.

And yet, I recieved no real coaching or advice. The P.E. teachers were simply either uninformed about athletics or just uninterested. There seemed to be a culture that's mantra was 'You're pretty good already. Well, keep at it'.

Talented youngsters, unless they go to a school with an athletics focused teacher, live next to a strong local athletics club or fall through the front door of a 'National Centre for Excellence' simply do not recieve adequate coaching to improve their abilities. A side point here is that the facilities available for athletics vary drastically throughout the country, as does the level of national level support and funding.

Scotstounhill: Finally, some good facilities!

Ultimately, youngsters at a young age are just not encouraged to participate in athletics. There is a scientifically quantifiable hypothesis called the 'Rule of 10,000', which says that to be truly excellent at a particular skill, whether it be touch typing, writing fiction, or athletics, you need to put 10,000 hours into practising and refining your skill at it. It is when these 10,000 hours are achieved at a young age that greatness comes. There is a reason that so many of the best footballers come from poor areas of the world, why so many star Boxers, American footballers and NBA basketball players come from 'the Projects'. It is because there is little else to do other than spend hours practicing their chosen sport.

Undisputed champ Riddick Bowe (l), the 12th of 13 children, was brought up in a Brooklyn slum. All Star Carmelo Anthony (r) played basketball in the streets of a Baltimore Project from the age of 8.

Obviously, I am not suggesting that poverty is in some way of benefit to youngsters growing up (it is also true that poorer children, on the whole, simply do not grow as tall and become as strong as they should for example). However, it is certainly evidence in favour of the 'Rule of 10,000'. If we can get those 10,000 hours of practice spread over a child's schooling, then we can maximise their development athletically. Those with talent that does not immediately show itself would have a chance to develop it, and those already exhibiting good ability could refine it and take it to the next level.

With London 2012 not so far away, a change in emphasis is certainly needed so that Britain can be competitive with the rest of the world in the athletics events of our Olympics. Perhaps Seb Coe et al should visit Kingston next year and learn something from the real Champs.

GM

Headline Acts: Episode 1

Wishful thinking is a common indulgence at Beyond the Cliche Towers (ok, so it's a third floor flat). Sadly, the ground has not yet opened up and swallowed Phil Godman but we can still dream. So now we bring you a new feature, taking some of the main sporting issues of the last week or so and spinning them to create the stories we wished we'd read:

- "Wembley pitch to be used in 2022 Olympics" - 2022 is not a typo. Following James Milner's astonishingly accurate impersonation of Robin Cousins in Saturday's FA Cup semi-final, Lord Coe has hatched a plan to bring the 2022 Winter Olympics to London, "Imagine 80,000 people packing into Wembley to see the pairs free programme" he said, "When you add in the indoor ski slopes in Milton Keynes I reckon we've got it cracked!"

- "Mickelson to use Masters winnings to pay for wife's boob job" - "They're just not up to scratch right now" said Phil after his victory at Augusta

- "Kroenke to relocate Rams to Alaska" - The worst fears of fans of the St. Louis Rams have been realised in the wake of Missouri billionaire Stan Kroenke's attempted takeover. Although it was rumoured that they would be heading back to LA, Kroenke has another more radical theory, "By creating the Anchorage Rams, our players would gain a great homefield advantage as a result of all the cold weather training. This way we could go at least 8-8 every season." Prospective QB Sam Bradford was later seen boarding a plane heading to Seattle.

- "Ade Adepitan in shock Davis Cup call-up" - "He's pretty much British No.2 right now" said new British captain Leon Smith of the former wheelchair basketball star, "the way he glides around the court is a pleasure to watch. And, win or lose, he is guaranteed to keep up team morale with that smile of his".

- "When Fabio's in Row Z and the ball hits his head..." - Bobby Zamora reverts to type in Liverpool stalemate. His newfound confidence saw this particular effort hit with power, but the accuracy was lacking on this occasion. The England boss, impressed with Zamora's Europa League exploits, was kept in University Hospital overnight for observation with suspected concussion as he tried to explain to nearby fans the merits of playing Titus Bramble at sweeper.

Finally, one unlikely headline that did actually happen:

- "Lucas Leiva scores" - No really, he actually got beyond the halfway line for once.

Feel free to add your own suggestions. As you can see from the above examples, political correctness is not essential. The winner will receive 50p off their next shop at Scotmid.
RM

World Cup Previews: Group A

I'm getting round to actually doing these previews. However, I have realised that there is a not inconsiderable amount of work I also need to do in order to pass my medical exams at the end of May.

Hence, I have decided to preview the World Cup in a group by group manner. South Africa get a preview to themselves, which you can find somewhere in the archives of the blog. Hopefully, this style will be easier to keep track of, and will allow me slightly more time to do a slightly less bad job of studying. In fact, I may use these previews as a study aid...

Group A (minus the Saffers)


Mexico

Coach: Javier Aguirre. Experienced international manager, having previously led Mexico in 2002-2003. Last with Athletico Madrid, where he lasted 3 seasons, a truly phenomenal/ lucky achievement. On the whole, successful, a good man-motivator and astute, but has problems matching up against better teams or equally experienced managers.

Team: Mexico the 2009 Gold Cup, so at least have gelled to some degree, not that the Gold Cup is a particularly high pinnacle to scale. They have recovered to around the level the 2006 World Cup team exhibited prior to that tournament. Mexico played effective football in Germany 06, and pushed Argentina for 110 plus minutes in the knockout stages. At the end of the day though, they lost and Ricardo Lavolpe, the best coach they've had for many years, resigned, taking his space-age ties back to the Argentinian league.

Mexico's team has changed quite markedly since 2006. Gone are Guille Franco and Jared Borgetti up front and players like Jesus Arellano in the midfield. In their place come a new wave of talent, notably Andres Guardado, Patricio Aruajo and Carlos Vela. Older hands Marquez, Salcido and Osorio come in to provide some spine to the defence, and Pavel Pardo acts as a useful Mexican version of Scott Parker.

Ochoa in goals has excellent shot-stopping ability. His footwork is, however, non-existant. Ranked by Mexicans and FIFA 1o as one of the worlds best, if he was truly up there he would have left Mexico some time ago. Highlight reel goalkeeping may appeal in Central America, but it is undoubtedly a liability at international level.

Aguirre has desisted with playing antiquated 5 at the back formations, which served only to swamp the midfield. Mexico are talented with the ball at feet, yet relatively paceless and lacking in physical strength up front and at set pieces. Aerial duels will pose a problem as the tallest man on the team is 6 foot. In boots.

Prediction: Mexico are undoutedly more talented than either Uruguay or South Africa. To be honest, they are probably the equal of France and many of the European elite on their day, but their continued tactical faillings usually get the better of them. Things won't change. One of the safest predictions to make in any World Cup is for Mexico to come 2nd in their group and lose in thefirst knockout round. They just do not possess the necessary variation in execution and gameplan to progress any deeper. Expect some colourful, wrestling-based goal celebrations though.

If they were a medical condition: Swine flu. It originated in Mexico, spread to the rest of the world, but only really had an effect on the small and weak. Anyone possessing a bit of a backbone merely suffers from a little inconvenience.

Uruguay





Coach: Oscar Tabarez. Very experienced South American club tactician, having started out managing in the early 80's. Last club was Boca Juniors in 2002, and has been Uruguay coach since 2006. Coached Uruguay previously to a glorious 3 points in the 1990 World Cup.

Team: Can I just say that the Uruguayans have not a hope in hell of winning, and precious little chance of even getting out of thier group and leave it at that? No, you want to know about their team? Alright, if I must.

What really grates me about the Uruguayans is that they possess some genuinely talented attackers; Luis Suarez, star of the Dutch Eredivisie, Edinson Cavani of Palermo and of course Diego Forlan. They have these players, as well as competent defensive-minded ones like Walter Gargano at holding midfield and the Diego's Godin and Lugano at CB, and should thus have the makings of a strong, solid and dangerous team.

And yet they are content to amble their way through games, hacking blindly at the shins and knees of opponents, crumpling in heaps screaming for free kicks, and pursuing refs across the Rio de la Plata in a vain attempt to get the opposition carded. They play as if they have Paolo Montero waiting in the changing room to beat their heads into a wall unless they live up to his reputation.

It might seem stereotypical to brand the Uruguayans as dirty and violent, but it is true that they are one of the nations that gave us the Battle of Montevideo. The other being Italy, whose team included several gentleman born in Uruguay. It is also true that I have watched Uruguay in two of their World Cup Qualifiers because it happened to be on in the pub, and on both occasions they drove me to leave said pub, go home and pour burning petrol into my eyes in an attempt to forget what I saw. They truely are one of the most dull, thuggish and unfulfilling teams in existance today.

Predictions: Judging by what I've just written, I'm guessing knockout stages while playing fast-paced attacking football, with Suarez and Forlan bagging 5 each. Out at the group stages.

If they were a medical condition: Bowel cancer. Painful, unpleasant, debilitating and energy-sapping. Fear not, the group stages will soon remove the piece responsible.

France






Coach: Raymond Domenech. Mental. Just mental, and in the most part a liability. France should be ashamed that he is still in a job, even if he did get them to the 2006 World Cup final (or was it the stars, the tarot cards or the face of Jesus appearing on Thierry Henry's forehead that guided them). How did Euro 2008 go for them?

Team: The French really do have talent in depth. Only Brazil and possibly England and Germany can provide 2+ quality players at almost each position.

Hugo Lloris has been highly impressive this season, and could lay a claim to being the best goalkeeper in the world right now. He should be signed by someone bigger than Lyon this summer (how many hints do I need to give you Milan?). Agile and with good feet, he is undoubtedly an asset to Les Bleus.

Defensively, they are spoiled for options, particularly at left back with Abidal, Clichy, Evra, Tremoulinas and Cissokho. Right back could be Anthony Revelierre or Bacary Sagna. First choice centre halfs are usually Gallas and Mexes, who are fast but somewhat suspect. Mexes in particular isn't the strongest or most consistent option; I wouldn't be surprised to see the in form Bordeaux man Michael Ciani start, even though he has but one cap to date.

Midfield solidity is provided by a myraid of options, the best of which in my mind being Jeremy Toulalan and either Lass or Alou Diarra. Knowing Domenech, he'll probably play the past it Patrick Viera and recall Emmanual Petit. Or Jean Tigana. Other CM's in the squad are most likely to be Flamini and Diaby.

France will play two wide men, almost certainly Malouda and Ribery. The former has been on cracking form of late, the latter at least has proven his exceptional talent in the past. I'm not sold on him this season though, and if France play everything through him, and become increasingly reliant on him as they have before, I feel they will struggle.

Yoann Gourcuff is another in super form, and this World Cup could very well be the stage on which he wows the world. He should sit in the hole behind whoever Domenech goes for up top. Anelka would normally have the strongest shout, yet he has seen a lot of the Chelsea bench recently and Domenech is still distrustful of him. Thierry Henry has been, in my opinion, riding his Arsenal reputation at international level for some time. Name one recent match for France that he has stood out in? Other options are either out of sorts (Benzema, the man I would start for the simple fact that he can score out of nothing), or unproven (Gignac, Gomis, Briand, Ben Arfa- the French equivalents of Jermaine Defoe, Darren Bent et all. Effective domestically, but will never be the same internationally. You watch them and you just know. Or at least, I do).

Prediction: The group isn't exactly deadly, and so France should progress. Beyond that though, it becomes a balancing act between the fact that they failed miserably at Euro 2008 and the fact that they exceeded expectations in 2006. I would side them to reach the quarter finals and to be put out there, hopefully due to some catastrophic Domenech tactical blunder/ failure of Aquarius to intersplice with Taurus. Expect sulking.

If they were a medical condition: Tuberculosis, causing adrenal insufficiency. TB was always a popular disease for weakening French artists. In this case, read 'tuberculosis' as 'Domenech R.'. As for the adrenal insufficiency it is causing, symptoms include nausea, fatigue and weakness. These appear gradually and without warning. When will the Domenech effect manifest itself?
GM

The County Scene - Week 3: Featherbeds make a man of Finn

We at Beyond the Cliche have struggled for continuity during our brief existence - Graeme's ever-changing predictions being a case in point! All that we have established so far is that I worry about Donovan McNabb and ex-Livingston players too much and Graeme thinks about things other than the World Cup! But this will change, and The County Scene is where we begin. After much thought about how to make this blog accessible to the average sports fan (i.e. someone who couldn't give a toss about county cricket), I have decided to hand out a "Lad of the week Award". From this I can report the matches while detailing the exploits of the 3 nominees at the same time. You'll get the idea - seeing as I can now watch highlights online, it should be more informed than I previously anticipated! In order to keep up with the IPL, I have sought out sponsorship for this section, something that captures quintessential English cricket. So, without further ado, here are my first nominations for the Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award:

Robin Martin-Jenkins (Sussex) - Sussex defeated Glamorgan by 201 runs at Cardiff and RMJ (as he will now be called) was a key reason for this victory, performing key duties with bat and ball. Not the most technically gifted batsman, he played a patient hand in the first innings, lifting his side from 153-6 to 284 all out, making the top score of 65, as James Harris ran riot through the top order with some high class swing bowling. MJ then collected 3-34, including the key wicket of Mike Powell, as Glamorgan failed to collect any bonus points with 191. A free-swinging 33* was followed up with key strikes late on the 3rd day to leave the opposition 51/3, needing 405 to win. They failed to make their target by some distance, despite a 6th wicket partnership of 113 between Ben Wright and Jim Allenby.

RMJ is lesser known than his father Christopher, a much loved commentator for Test Match Special but has still been a consistent performer for Sussex for 15 years, if not quite reaching his early promise as an international all-rounder. He averages around 30 with bat and ball, which does the job. Often underrated, it is hoped that this nomination helps him step out of his father's shadow.

Chris Rogers (Derbyshire) - Literally as I write this, Rogers' Derbyshire have just finished off Surrey to win by 208 runs at The Oval. He is their captain and overseas player. It takes a shrewd skipper to force victory on a lifeless Oval pitch (still rectangular but its at the Oval, just to clarify), juggling what is in truth a pretty average bowling attack, spearheaded by South African spinner Robin Peterson. But it is for his batting that Rogers is nominated. He hit the first 100 of the summer and made it big, reaching 200 before swiping across the line to Gareth Batty, plumb lbw. His driving down the ground and through the covers was especially eye-catching, as was the way he accelerated his innings as he progressed. Greg Smith chipped in with 66 as Derbyshire made 451. Surrey replied with a passable 352, aided by the evergreen Mark Ramprakash and century no. 109 for his career. Rogers then made 140* out of 274/6 declared, again punishing pretty impotent Surrey bowling. Surrey were blown away and folded for 165, as Peterson claimed 3-32 on his debut.

Rogers is an Australian of great experience - this 200 was his 3rd in 4 championship matches and his 42nd first-class century in all. He played 1 test for Australia back in 2008, replacing an injured Matthew Hayden, although accomplished nothing much, save for a blinding catch to dismiss Anil Kumble - he follows in the great tradition of players like Darren Pattinson and Wriddhiman Saha to play one test, lose and never get picked again. Shame on the Australian selectors - look at him now with his Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award nomination!

Steven Finn (Middlesex) - Having spent a winter toiling for little reward in Bangladesh, where a bowling average of 44 reflects more on Alistair Cook's conservative field placings and Finn's luck rather than his quality, the boy has become a man. However, astounding match figures of 14-106 were not enough as Middlesex were defeated by 111 runs by Worcestershire at New Road. A first-innings 85 from Daryl Mitchell proved crucial, as Dawid Malan was the only other player to pass 50 in the match, and that was in a lost cause. Finn moved the ball both ways to claim 5-69 first time around, but his team-mates folded for just 126 in reply. Finn then produced the spell of his life, pitching the ball up on his way to 9-37. The only batsman he didn't get, Phil Jaques, was dropped by Andrew Strauss off Finn's bowling - Kiwi Iain O'Brien then spoiled the party, Strauss making no mistake this time. Middlesex fell short of their target of 281. Richard Jones and Alan Richardson also had great games, with match figures of 8-105 and 7-76 respectively.

I first saw Finn at Taunton three years ago, where he was an erratic but effective quick bowler. His 6ft 8 frame allowed him to hit the deck hard and cause a quality Somerset batting line-up real problems. He has since added accuracy and patience to his game and has a big future in the England setup after a reasonable start in the winter.

The winner - Chris Rogers. For outstanding leadership on a flat wicket and cashing in on said pitch with the bat against opposition who will still be there or thereabouts come the end of the season. LAD

In other news, Yorkshire claimed victory over Warwickshire by 4 wickets in a close-fought encounter at Edgbaston. Both Ian Bell and Jonathan Trott made runs for the Bears but Oliver Hannon-Dalby became the first Yorkshireman with a double-barrelled name to claim a 5fer for the county (apparently!) with 5-68 in the 2nd innings, leaving his side a simple chase, where keeper Jon Bairstow excelled with 81. Matthew Hoggard's tenure as Leicestershire captain got off to a winning start, as they eased to a 6 wicket victory over Northants, mainly thanks to Claude Henderson's 6 wicket haul in the 1st innings. Hampshire collapsed dramatically late on in a 62 run defeat to new boys Essex in the final over of the match. That man Ryan ten Doeschate was the main wrecker with 5-13, when a draw looked certain at 170/4. This effort eclipsed the patient innings of Jimmy Adams (not the West Indian one), who made 169 in a first innings-marathon.

The 3 uni games featured two sides, Nottinghamshire and Kent, racking up 500 plus in the first innings against mediocre bowling attacks before playing out a draw. My Somerset boys did things a bit differently though! A shocking batting performance led to 246 in the 1st innings, while Cardiff Uni reached 113/1 at close on Day 1. Then the real Sabres turned up, bowling them out for 160 before racking up the runs to secure a 385 run hammering.

So 6 matches, 6 results. Who said this shit was boring?
RM

A Denouncement of Horse Racing

Congrats to Tony McCoy for winning his first National on joint favourite Don't Push It. It's nice to know that his victory will have cost the bookies some money for once. Other than that, I really couldn't care less who won. At the end of the day, it certainly won't be me, you or the man in the pub who knows Mon Mome's trainer's wife's best friend's mother who 'knows the horse is on form'.

Horse racing is a 'sport' which has always existed as a way for bookmakers to make money. Obviously, my views are not universal, but I fail to see anything enjoyable about watching horse racing, unless you have money on a horse. And even then, you are pretty damn likely to come home less well off than when you arrived.

The entire culture of training racehorses, of selling studs, of being 'at the races' is frankly ridiculous and unjustifiable to anyone not named William Hill or Paddy Power (God, I hope the man who started Paddy Power was called just that!). It represents a culture detatched from modern life, in the same way that amateurism in football, or not allowing women to exercise, or fighting bears in the streets outside the Globe theatre are alien to modern Britain.

A stupid amount of money changes hands over horses. It falls into two catagories; firstly, money going from one rich man in the Emirates to another in Ireland, in secretive deals done completely outside of sensible limits. Secondly, money from a large number of normal individuals ending up in the hands of a few already rich companies and shareholders.

Probably the most important point though, even though I am no animal rights nut, is the very idea of breeding and training racehorses in the first place. I recently watched a BBC documentary debating the cruelty of having performing animals in circuses. Is training a tiger to balance on a giant ball, something most people would consider abusive and wrong, any worse than deliberately breeding horses to be as fast and slight as possible, so that one small fall causes them to break their legs, at which point they are shot by a man with a bolt gun?

Oh, but the horses "love the thrill of the race" says the shady, generally Irish, trainer (no racism implied there, but it is true that Ireland's image as a premier racehorse training nation doesn't exactly help it step away from its backward and quite frankly irrelevant image. Now, THAT was racist). The horses "have a good life. They provide entertainment" says the man wearing a ridiculous top hat and making archaic hand signals.

Damaging to society, inherently cruel, irrelevant and ultimately pathetic.

There really is nothing Grand about the races. Deepest apologies for ending on a horrible pun, I'm writing this in a hurry.

GM

County Lash!

There will be one hell of a party in Dingwall tonight. Celtic's miserable season is over - surely these were not the childhood memories which Robbie Keane apparently held so fondly! Ross County strike a blow for us lower league tragics and thoroughly deserved victory against a lacklustre Parkhead outfit - men against Bhoys if you will.

I have a completely vested interest in this game in the shape of 5 ex-Livi players on County's books, including manager Derek Adams. Richard Brittain, the Staggies' captain, won the CIS cup with us 6 years ago and so knows how to win at Hampden but the other 3 guys never showed what they were truly capable of at Almondvale. Stevie Craig scored the first with a marvellous bit of individual skill and Martin Scott tapped in late on having provided a great link between defence and attack, a quality not often seen in lower league midfielders, who only really have one strong suit. Then there is brave Gary Miller, who produced a heroic block from Georgios Samaras having spent a good few years being derided for inept performances in the black and amber of the Lions. But it was not just these guys - Andrew Barrowman, Scott Boyd and Michael Gardyne all played above levels which I had seen previously. Boyd in particular kept Keane, Samaras and Marc-Antoine Fortune so quiet that they barely registered for 90 minutes!

Livi finished above County in Division 1 last year before our financial meltdown - they are not the best side in that league by a long shot. However, this result gives hope to all of those who see mediocrity week in, week out that the players at this level are truly capable of one magical performance and we should be a bit more grateful for the effort that they go to, so that these days can be made possible.
RM

Heineken Cup Quarter-finals

This weekend sees the start of true knockout European Rugby. With the group stages over, we are left with a strong French mood to the competition. For once, at least considering the past few years, the Top 14 has raised it's game and performed with consistency through the group stages, and is rewarded with at least one French team guaranteed in the semi's.

My predictions usually end up being complete hash. However, it would be cowardly not to give some anyway. Carpe Diem and all that.

Leinster Vs Clermont Auvergne

Two teams who both looked solid bets for the final now face a tough test to progress. Certainly, Clermont have looked good throughout the Heineken Cup and in the Top 14. Bolstered by the Grand-slam winning contingent of Julien Bonnaire, Thomas Domingo and field general Morgan Parra, and featuring the powerful running of Rougerie (hopefully his head has cleared since that first Six Nations match in Edinburgh!), the incisive lines of Floch at 15 and the swan-like grace of Julien Malzieu in the back 3, they are dangerous on the attack and, in general, cerebral in their execution; outhalf Brock James' greatest assest is his head. The pack has a combination of brutish power provided by Canadian 2nd Row Cudmore and a front row featuring an Argentinian and a Georgian, and also quickness coming from Elvis Vermuelen and Bonnaire in the Back Row.

Leinster are actually very comparable to Clermont. Substitute Kearney, Horgan and Nacewa as the Back 3 and you have good counterattacking pace. Their pack though, is the equal of Clermont in brute force (Cullen, Hines and Van der Linde), and possesses genuine pace in Heaslip and McLaughlin and Jennings. Jonny Sexton, on current form, is also a significant plus for Leinster.

Result: All this adds up to a close Leinster win by around 3 in my book.

Biarritz Vs Ospreys

Ah boys, how you flatter to decieve! Ospreys have spent the past three seasons scraping through the Heineken group stages as best runners up. Each time, they have then proceeded to turn in ugly, ugly losses at the Quarterfinal stage.

This year, the Welsh super-region are languishing in 5th position in the Magners. It seems to me that they have been overtaken by more youthful outfits. Ospreys are an older team, but in the main their problem is that they play old. You watch them, a team containing Bowe, Byrne, Hook and Williams, and they just seem to play OLD. Their style seems worn; slow and forced, lacking in spontaneity. I wish I could be more scientific and actually quantify what I'm trying to illustrate, but for just now you're going to have to take my word for it; I watch a lot of rugby, and this is what stands out to me.

The above notwithstanding, Ospreys are talent-rich, solid and well drilled. They will not be destroyed or embarassed as if they were Viadana. However, if they go behind by a few, I genuinely fail to see them coming back and triumphing.

Biarritz have been a mess domestically, plunging down the table before a recent little run has stopped the rot. Too late for a serious challenge for the French title, but enough to restore confidence in the team that was so convincing in the group stages. I think they will play better rugby, will be more effective, and will utilise their own talent (Harinordoquay, Yachvilli, Traille and Ngwenya) better.

Result: Biarritz to go ahead early and to never relinquish their lead. French win by at least 5.

Munster Vs Northampton

There is recent history to this one, with both sides winning at home against each other in the group stages. Pretty evenly matched those two games were as well, being decided by 2 and 3 points.

Northampton have been having a strong season. Usefully for them, Martin Johnson thinks that winners are not inherently superior to Tigers, and so Ashton, Foden, Lawes and Geraghty have had plenty of rest either at home or on the Engalnd bench (N.B. it looks like Stephen Myler, not Geraghty, will start at 10). Munster's internationals, O'Gara apart, have had significantly more work to do of late. Will this affect them? Probably a little.

What certainly will be an influence is presistent injuries to Flannery, O'Callaghan, Leamy and Mafi. Start they may, but last the full 80?

Earls is probably the most dangerous strike runner in Britain, and Saints' backs have much attacking flair. I think this game will have moments of dynamism and creativity, but I also believe that the packs, and by extension the goalkicking, will be the deciding factor in this. Munster are stronger in both of these departments.

Result: The English press have been hyping Saints up to win this, but at the end of the day I feel Munster's experience and overall talent will show. A couple of tries for Northampton, but the Irish to outscore them and come away winners. Munster by at least 7.


Toulouse Vs Stade Francais

This may be tough for me, as I don't watch that much Top 14 (proportionally, of course; I probably watch more Top 14 than at least 99.3% of the population)

Both teams haven't exactly had the best time of it domestically. The South Coasters at least can look forward to the playoffs. All Stade have to look forward to is the arrival of new coach Michael Cheika from Leinster. Oh, and the introduction of a salary cap next year. That'll sit well with them.

Toulouse feature a staggeringly high level of talent considering that I am used to watching Phil Godman and Craig Hamilton week in, week out. Louis Picamoles and Grand-Slam captain Dusautoir, Yannick Nyanga and Shaun Sowerby are all dynamic and skillful members of the Back Row group. And they also have your generic massive South Sea Islander in Finau Maka. Other internationalists amongst the forwards; Albacete, Millo-Chluski, Servat and Census Johnson.

The backs? Oh, the backs. Kelleher and Elissalde at 9, Michalak and Skrela at 10, Fritz, Jann David and Jauzion in the centre, and Clerc, Heymans, Medard and Poitrenaud running off them.

Stade bring their usual glamour heavy XV to the table. Glam even exists in the forwards with Brand Haskell and Swarzeswski (who is around 5000% too attractive to be a French forward- still has working ears for one thing). The Bergamasco's will link up with one-or-two time France 10 Lionel Beauxis, who leads a back line featuring Julian Arias, Matheu Bastareaud (Him versus Jauzion. As Madden would exclaim: BOOM) and Scottish siege gunner Hugo Southwell at FB. Sadly missing are Parisse (injury), Dupuy and Attoub (bad boys).

Stade have been woefully inconsistent at home, but strong in Europe. And they did manage to beat Clermont last weekend using a thoroughly unglamerous tactical kicking game.

Result: Can Stade execute a tactical gameplan two weeks in a row? Because if they can, I believe that they can beat Toulouse if the southerners are not completely up for it. Will Stade be able to do so? I genuinely don't know. So I'm going to have to go for a push here.

GM

The Tiger who came to tee - how to react?

The Masters have begun at Augusta National, a course with greens so lush that it actually makes HD television worthwhile for four days a year. This signals the start of Tigerwatch, a show that BBC 2 should get commissioned, if only to see a rampaging Bengal ripping the face off Bill Oddie. Yes folks, you read it here after wading through a plethora of media opinion on the subject beforehand, Tiger Woods is back!

Now, I'm not an evergreen golf fan, I only ever tune in for the majors and the Ryder Cup but I know enough about the game and this saga has gone beyond the sporting world. Many people are unsure of how to greet Tiger when he walks out to the 1st tee at half 6 this evening. If he is met with huge cheers, does this fuel the Woods ego, justifying what he has done or at least making his behaviour seem acceptable to those who once adored him? If those who do disapprove voice their opinion (such as the chairman of Augusta National), does this spur Woods on to win the Masters, thus showing himself to be above such criticism? Either way he is in a bit of a tough place right now and there will always be those who will take issue with whatever he does this weekend.

I can see only one solution - absolute silence around Tiger at all times, which is probably something the officials at Augusta would like introduced on a wide scale, such is its austerity. In this situation, it is up to Woods, his mental fortitude and his unnatural golfing ability alone to prove the doubters wrong about his character and his ability to perform after months in sexual rehabilitation. To my mind, an American will win this championship - but it will be an American who has been faithful to his family. Martin Kaymer will lead the European charge. But this Masters matters for one reason only - it will be interesting to see if Woods is re-embraced by the golfing world

RM

PS I hope the title of this thread brings back happy childhood memories, in spite of the awful pun. For those of you who don't get it, you have had a unfulfilled childhood and should bring up this issue with your parents. R

Livi must go slowly to survive

I'm not one for giving lengthy match reports for mediocre football, I leave that to my colleague. Needless to say that Livingston notched up another win with a last-gasp Andy Halliday header against Montrose and the standard of refereeing has meant that my blood pressure is yet to settle. We will certainly win the title in the next week. But where next?

I for one will not be celebrating the title with much vigour. With the players that we had and our full-time status intact, a comfortable championship was a minimum expectation. That we have done so is a credit to the players and fans, who have not deserved the poor standard of opposition we have had to endure this year. But, we were guilty of gross mismanagement and naivety to put our trust in a man who must now be so far beneath our contempt - the relegation, although unprecedented, was probably what was merited for the men in suits. No matter how much we complain (and boy have I had a good moan this year), we cocked up.

So let us learn from mistakes of the past. Instant SPL football is not the solution, it would be unsustainable and we would implode again, probably for good this time. Let us continue the good work of the youth system and produce outstanding talents with futures in the Scotland national team. So what if we have to sell them on in the end, as long as they leave their mark on Almondvale, I will be happy. It is like being given a second chance at life - do not overspend, do not aim too high too quickly but have a long-term vision and get there with prudence and style.

I do feel for other clubs in Division 3 - East Stirlingshire or Forfar would have cantered to promotion this year had it not been for the SFL's decision (although YouTube footage of Dick Campbell singing Derry's Walls does not endear him to me). All I ask is that they get off our case now. Yes, we mucked things up but that was a previous administration and merely paid for being over-ambitious. But that is no reason for Paul Martin and others to lead a witch hunt and try and kick our players six feet in the air every game - these guys are just honest pros who have stuck by a troubled club, credit to them. We are a friendly club trying to put financial troubles behind us.

Minimum expectations for next year: playoffs and at least 8 points off Dumbarton. But we can win that league too if things go our way. And if we get the players' wages in on time. 1st division football is the long-term goal - I'll be there no matter what. Congratulations boys on a job well done - the hard work begins now.
RM

Eagles and Redskins get it wrong

To paraphrase Ron Burgundy, Washingston was "a bad choice". Not necessarily for new Redskins QB Donovan McNabb but for both his new franchise and his former employers the Philadelphia Eagles. Here is why:

The Eagles were keen to trade McNabb, that much I have made clear before. It's fine to trade him to Oakland or Buffalo or someone who you're not going to be seeing much of year in year out. But our NFC East rivals? Not a great plan. McNabb will come right back at the Eagles with a vengeance twice in the 2010 season and will look to show them that they made a mistake in trading him. Their offense will do fine led by Kevin Kolb, but he needs time to bed in and so the playoffs cannot be taken for granted this year, as they have been previously in the McNabb/Reid era.

The problem that the Redskins have is that McNabb is no Brett Favre. He will not play until the manly age of 40. He is too injury prone and does not have the single-mindedness of his Vikings counterpart (who now will inevitably retire solely because of this blog). At best, the 'Skins will get two good years out of McNabb. They already have a stop-gap QB - his name is Jason Campbell. Like McNabb, Campbell does the offense more good than harm but will not lead them to Superbowl glory. Better to start afresh with a guy like Colt McCoy (my colleague will choke when he reads that!) Expect the Redskins to hit the playoffs in 2011 but nothing much more. So essentially, the two rivals are cancelling each other out, paving the way for Dallas and the Giants in the division.

In terms of where this leaves the draft, both teams should look at their offensive line, Washington to protect their new prize asset, Philly to protect the inexperienced Kolb. The 'Skins had better hope that the Detroit Lions take a DT, leaving them free to take Russell Okung, as Anthony Davis and Bryan Bulaga are much less attractive prospects in the tackle position. The Eagles need cover at C/G with Jamaal Jackson out with an ACL and Nick Cole showing he was not up to the task in what turned out to be McNabb's swansong vs the Cowboys. Maurkice Pouncey awaits.

I promise I will write about a different NFL story soon!
RM

The County Scene - Week 2: Weather Warning for ECB

First of all, the most important news in English cricket today - the death of the great Sir Alec Bedser at the age of 91. Not only did he possess 236 Test wickets, he was an integral part of the great Surrey team of the 1950s and served as an England selector for well over 20 years. He was regarded by Sir Donald Bradman no less as the greatest medium-fast bowler he ever faced. RIP

Now, to a review of the week's action. Durham trounced the MCC by 311 runs in Abu Dhabi, the sub-continental style pitch assisting their twin spin attack of Ian Blackwell and young Scott Borthwick, who finished the match with 8 wickets, although he did his all-rounder tag no favours by ending up with a pair! Scotsman Kyle Coetzer and Aussie Michael di Venuto both hit tons for the champions as Durham made the best of the batting conditions. The pink ball was given a "7 out of 10" rating by Keith Bradshaw of the MCC, meaning it will be at least a year before we see it in the international arena.

So, from the desert to cold and wet England, where 6 counties were beginning their campaigns with university warm-up matches. Except poor old Derbyshire and Lancashire did not get off the ground on account of the weather. This calls into question the ECB's decision to start the season so early - I've stood in the field for 75 overs in April before, bowling only 10 of those (an accomplished 2-39 if you must know) and it's bloody freezing! They have removed a one-day competition to "free up" the calendar but all they have done is extend the remaining competitions, thus negating their own ideas! Expect rain delays in the next couple of weeks! The remaining 4 matches were mostly unremarkable and, of course, weather affected. The main highlights were Steve Davies' unbeaten 122 on debut for Surrey and Ryan ten Doeschate's remarkable all-round performance for Essex. From 124-7, he lifted his side to 318-8 with 106 not out, following up with 3-28 and a swift 81(73) in the 2nd innings. Mind you, he will face tougher opponents than the universities of Leeds and Bradford!

Finally, as promised - the Championship preview. To my mind, much depends on how your overseas player performs. However, this will be subject to change this year due to the IPL, meaning that many teams have players for the first few weeks of the season, to be replaced by others currently in India. Take my Somerset boys for example - Murali Kartik is currently playing well for the Kolkata Knight Riders - he will be available in May. Until then, we have the relatively tame seamer Damien Wright - not the sort of man to get you breakthroughs on the road that is the Taunton wicket. Yorkshire have even more troubles - Daryl Tuffey had his hand broken by Mitchell Johnson in a recent Test match so he will be unavailable as an early-season replacement for Ryan Harris - who is to be rested by Cricket Australia until the end of May. There have been various other deals done but there is only so much I can expect a reader to take in. Here then are my predictably incorrect predictions for the 2010 season:

Div 1 winners: HAMPSHIRE - I didn't want to say Durham again so I've gone for Dimi Mascarenhas' men - the Rose Bowl track tends to produce fair results and I reckon Sri Lankan spinners Rangana Herath and Ajantha Mendis will be too good for most county batsmen. Nottinghamshire a close second

Div 1 relegation: YORKSHIRE and ESSEX - as I've already said, Yorkshire are not a settled team and may regret taking all the experience out of their seam attack with Matthew Hoggard. A lot rests on Ajmal Shahzad and new skipper Andrew Gale. Essex look a little young to compete at this level, although it could finally be the year for Billy Godleman after his move from Middlesex. I can't see a bowling attack of David Masters, Chris Wright and Maurice Chambers taking 20 wickets consistently - a lot depends on the availability of Danish Kaneria

Div 2 promotion: SUSSEX and SURREY - Sussex had a freak year, not helped by the weather at Hove. With Monty Panesar, they should bounce straight back. Surrey have spent the summer shrewdly investing in good English talent - they will want to turn around a miserable few years and see that Mark Ramprakash continues his golden autumn.

Expect the unexpected and a lot of rain - reports and key player profiles to come next week
RM

Manchester United Vs Chelsea: A defence of Dimitar Berbatov

Watching Match of the Day, Berba recieved an entire segment of 'analysis'. He was picked out and criticised for his every move by messrs Hansen and Lawrenson. The main point they made using the footage was that Berbatov was not around the areas that his teammates were playing high balls into. In other words, he was not moving exactly where the currently injured Wayne Rooney would have moved. This has annoyed me enough to go get my laptop and start writing on a Saturday night.

Their criticism was insultingly petty, basically suggesting that Wayne Rooney is able to make something out of every ball and that Berbatov, when given the same balls Rooney can create chances with, cannot do so and is thus is a useless clogger. This is just derogatory to Berba, a player you'll probably guess I do quite like.

Berbatov is not Wayne Rooney. He does not have the same skillset as Rooney, does not move in the same manner as Rooney and thus cannot be treated as like for like. Surely, instead of picking on Berbatov, we should bring up the point that his teammates played through the entire game as if it was Rooney up front, never once adjusting their style to suit Berbatov's skills.

There were several occasions when Berbatov did recieve the ball in a way which he enjoys i.e. ball to feet 20 yards out, and on each occasion he went out and created good opportunites for his team. This was barely touched upon in the MOTD coverage.

Wayne Rooney is a unique and precociously gifted player. He can score from anywhere. Berbatov is a very gifted striker, but he cannot do all the improbable things Rooney can do. Perhaps his teammates should actually think about this before they lump difficult ball after difficult ball towards the space Berbatov never usually stands in.

GM

Fix of Division 2 action

Just a quick post here; I feel I need to do something, yet my World Cup previews are quite time-consuming, so I'll leave them for now and do a little ditty on my football team Dumbarton, henceforth The Sons.

I spent this afternoon at Forthbank in Stirling to watch us take on Stirling Albion, a club who may not get much mention a few months from now as they may not exist. Coming into Stirling, you encounter a 'Save the Albion' banner draped across the side of the road. It would seem though, that this is about the only thing the campaigners have bothered to do. Certainly, the home attendance did not seem in any way increased, or come across as anything other than apathetic- no banners, protests or even rude songs directed at the chairman in sight.

It is a sad fact of life that most of the lower league Scottish teams are practically operating day-to-day. It struck me when I discovered, as a small shareholder, that a couple of years back, Dumbarton were the only Second Division club to operate in the black. In a league where there is no real talent to sell on, and little in the way of crowds and commercial opportunities available, survival basically comes down to having an astute and prudent board. I suppose having a rich man as owner is an option. How did that work out Gretna?

Dumbarton are in the black because we get solid attendances and rarely actually get the chequebook out and buy anybody. Perhaps we sold it...

Stirling today will be happy of our strong away support boosting their gates, as well as the atmosphere we created("Beanie, you still have the hair of a latent homosexual", directed at ex-Sons hero Ian 'Beanie' Russell being a particular highlight). Our away support is comfortably the best in Division 2, and must be up there with the best of the entire lower leagues.

In terms of football, this was actually a decent game. First half, both teams looked sharp- Stirling playing some incisive through balls along the slippery pitch, the Sons demonstrating some decent counter attacks and overlap moves out wide. In typical Sons fashion, we opened the second half by defending progressively deeper into our own half, until the inevitable shot from 20 yards flew past our 5'1" keeper.

From then on, our SPL quality frontman Dennis Wyness showed, for the first time, some quality. His previous pacelessness...well, remained. But he ran on to a lofted lobbed ball and beautifully and delicately scooped it over Stirling's big booted, also about 5'1" and probably 12 year old goalie.

Soon after, a good sustained Dumbarton attack, follwed by a baffling lack of commitment by said keeper, led to Wyness latching onto a driven and seemingly inoccuous cross to place the ball home. And at 2-1, we actually did some decent defending for once and closed the game out. Marvelous.

A win that moves us closer to being able to be denyed a playoff spot on the final day instead of the penultimate match. But hugely satisfying nonetheless. While I don't wish at all for any team to go out of business, Stirling's fans certainly didn't strike me as caring much, and at the end of the day Albion do occupy one of the playoff spots above Dumbarton...

GM