Sunday, 6 June 2010
Africa's World Cup offers hope for the future
First of all, it is a relief to see that I can use technology beyond that used to create the Bradford-o-meter. This is a great step forward for Beyond the Cliche and having had a short teleconference last night, we are pleased to announce that further "technological developments" are in the pipeline. Anyway, now for more musings from South Africa, although this time musings of some significance rather than reflecting on the form of their cricket team.
Everyone is talking about the World Cup. Even the middle-aged women at work (the flags of St. George are up there as well, joy of joys). It is a big moment, not just for South Africa, but for the entire continent. This is their first chance to prove that they can host a massive global event to the standards of Western countries in the 21st century. It is a chance to show a continent which can stand on its own two feet and does not need dictated to by superpowers (was dictated a bad word Mr Mugabe?). It is a chance to show that they can overcome adversity and troubles from the past and show progression and a willingness to change.
As the images show, the stadiums that South Africa has (eventually) produced are of a very high standard and do indeed match the efforts of Japan, South Korea and Germany from the past two tournaments. The main concern is how they will be used after the tournament. You are highly unlikely to squeeze 60,000 Kaizer Chiefs fans into Kings Park for example - I predict few riots over sold out matches anyway (so so sorry!). So really, the stadiums are there for this tournament alone, which is fine.
When you consider other areas of infrastructure though, you can see quite clearly how the people of South Africa will benefit. The roads and transport links have needed to be upgraded to meet the demands of the expected 350,000 visitors over the next month. Indeed, Cape Town airport is now said to be of world class standard, both in terms of facilities and organisation. So like Heathrow, with organisation. These links will remain for use after the tournament, easing congestion in the major cities, lowering pollution by proxy. Soweto's Soccer City in Jo'burg, where the final is held, is in one of the city's poorer areas, so the facelift which it has been given will hopefully extend to improving quality of life for it's citizens. That or the rape and murder rates will increase exponentially as the affluent foreign fans come to visit. The overall expansion and modernisation of South Africa will create more jobs, shifting the focus from the primary and secondary sectors of farming and manufacture into public services, catching up with the progression that most modern societies have already made.
Hopefully, the changes in South Africa will catch on elsewhere in Africa. When you consider how far the Rainbow Nation has come since the backward thinking of as little as 20 years ago, it gives you hope. Whether this hope will lead to something more tangible remains to be seen.
RM
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
World Cup Preview: Group E
Netherlands

Coach: Bert Van Marwijk. The last man to coach a Dutch club team to a European title, the UEFA Cup with Feyenoord in 2002. Guided the Dutch through their strongest qualification yet, accumulating the best record in Europe, dancing on the Hampden sidelines and subsequently making me a rather unhappy Tartan Army chappie. Dick
Team: 4-5-1 is the name of the game with the Dutch, and they will stick to to unwaveringly, much as they did at Euro 2008 and World Cup 2006 and Euro 2004.
The Dutch won none of these tournaments. They did not even come particularly close to winning these tournaments (they basically got as close as England did. When England were actually there as well). For a team that is perennially billed as a favourite, it's not exactly a vote of confidence in their big game ability to constantly find themselves out of tournaments by the end of the quarterfinals.
I don't think this will change in South Africa. I could well be wrong, but of all the teams in this competition that could be billed as genuine contendors for the Rimet trophy, it is the Netherlands that I trust the least, and by a considerably margin. It is not just rehashing old stereotypes about not being 'tournament performers' if there is actually a reasonably large recent evidence base to back the claim up
Holland will play one man alone up front to facilitate the use of a playmaking 10 and two proper wingers. The lone striker, sadly, will be either Dirk 'The Tryer' Kuyt or Robin Van Persieee-awww-I-broke-my-foot. If Robin has decided to read this preview, chances are he has broken his eyeballs by this stage and thus cannot read my disparaging comments about him. Ha.
My point in that last paragraph, badly illustrated, is that the Dutch currently do not have a Van Nistelrooy, a proper striker who can actually combine scoring with being physical and running about without dying (ironically, Van Nistelrooy was useless for Holland). Huntelaar? No.
Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder were both sensational this season, and are going to prove bloody murderous to the other group members' defences. But when the hard games come, will they just be neutralised like Robben was in the Champions League final? The Russians managed it at Euro 2008 after all.
Those are the issues I have with the Dutch attack, but the obvious flip side is that Holland are generally flowing and direct, and have scored heaps of goals in qualifying. And in spite of the doubts, the players I've mentioned are genuinely world class talents (OK, maybe not Kuyt).
But that just adds to the way I feel about this team. If you can look at such brilliant talents in attack and still have your doubts, then either there is something wrong with you or there is actually something to be concerned about. I may be proved wrong about this, I admit that, but at least I have the balls to just come out and say "I don't trust the Dutch. I am ruling them out as contendors", instead of just coming out with some wishy-washy vanilla opinion.
As for their defence, again, I have pretty big doubts as to how reliable Holland's good record actually is. The back four is not very good. Heitinga, Van Der Wiel; would you call them worthy of World Cup winners? And Van Bronckhorst was cut to shreds by Stevie Naismith for crying out loud!
Prediction: Out in the quarterfinals.
How to insult a Dutchman: Buy loads of his tulips, then decide to stop liking tulips anymore and cause his economy to collapse and everyone to starve. Be German. Abhor prostitution and drug misuse. Call his daughter a Dyke (haw haw haw).
If they were a medical condition: Jaundice could produce the desired orange colouration. As could getting cancer from a sunbed. Fluid imbalance; leave the bath running too long and the entire country could flood.
Denmark

Coach: Morten Olsen. Long time coach (since 2000) and quite frankly a bit of a lad. Has got a good handle on his current players, and has maximised their performances in qualifying. Danish fans love him. Expect cool banners of his face superimposed onto the torso of a Viking.
Team: Denmark's squad will be recognisable to anyone who has watched international football since about 2002. A lot of the faces around then are still hanging on. Sadly not on the scene is Ebbe Sand. Not because he was vital to the team, or any other important reason. Just because he had a cool and amusing name. I liked Ebbe Sand.
Thankfully not around is the ugly mug of ex-Real Madrid supremo Thomas Gravesen. Yes, once again to reitirate, that did actually happen dear readers. You did not go temporarily schitzo that day. Usefully for Denmark, they have a few midfielders able to carry on Gravesen's legacy of clogging and persistent fouling. Christian Poulsen and his face is still around, though sadly Francisco Totti's spit is no longer around to decorate it.
Daniel Jensen is a slightly higher breed of midfielder, and has at least played some this season with Werder Bremen (Poulsen has flopped miserably at Juve). Kwist of Copenhagen should complete the triumvirate in midfield.
Still around up front are the Premiership legends Dennis Rommedahl and Jesper Gronkjaer. See, told you that you'd recognise them. Rommedahl, by general consensus one of the top wing men Charlton Athletic has seen in the past 5 years bar Darren Ambrose and Radostin Kishishev, still starting at international level is quite frankly farce. And Gronjkaer isn't much better. Younger and more talented option Thomas Kahlenberg has had what can only be described as a complete skitemare of a season. In other words, he is in no state to be relied on in the Rainbow Nation.
Niklas Bendtner as the target man is young at least, and has had a decent season. He remains though, an annoying petulent prick. The reserve option here comes from the shattered husk of what used to be John Dal Tomasson. Just let him go to sleep in peace Denmark. He's world weary.
Simon Kjaer and Daniel Agger at centre back are both, again, young. They are also athletic and talented, providing Denmark with a good defensive spine. Kjaer will be picked up by someone big after the tournament provided he doesn't fall on his arse too much or start a fight with Eric Djemba-Djemba. I would suggest that he fits Juventus well, or Roma if everyone else is scaffy and doesn't bother signing him.
Thomas Sorensen, or the Danish Mark Schwarzer as I think of him, is a good keeper recovering from a pretty bad injury. Hopefully he's good to go, and if so is another strength to complement the centreback pairing.
Prediction: Will the Dane's be able to cope with Cameroon? Partly this rests on Cameroon not degenerating into a farcical rioting mob, which is actually quite likely, but mainly it is dependent on Denmark's midfield being able to keep up with younger legs, and their wingers being able to relive their form of the past...
Um, I'm going to side with Cameroon on this one. Third in the group.
How to insult a Dane: State that you always preferred Mecano. Be Jewish or Muslim and therefore don't consume the only two things Denmark actually exports; bacon and beer. Call them Norwegian. Call them Swedish. Piss on the Mermaid Statue in Copenhagen. State that Einstein was clearly superior to Bohr.
Japan

Coach: Takeshi Okada. Japan have gone back to a domestic coach after their dalliances with foreigners Zico and Ivica Osim. Has taken Japan back to a system of rigidity, with a clear plan, instead of Zico’s ultimately futile attempts to force the Japanese to play with creativity. Could be mistaken for George Takei from a distance.
Team: Japan will suffer again from the problem that has plagued them throughout their international history; they field a team that is likely to be physically inferior to their opponents, and the technical brilliance they rely on to compensate turns out to be pretty mediocre stuff, only really fit for the J-League.
The hulking Danes and Cameroonians will certainly be able to outmuscle the Japanese. To be honest, this isn’t that likely to affect them that much as they have grown to expect it by now. Sadly, their flair players, the ones that will be crucial in overcoming the physical disparity, are hardly in the best of shape.
Previous stalwarts Shinsuke Nakamura and Junichi Inamoto have been worn down by Scottish studs and English shoulder charges throughout their careers and are now pretty frail. It is unlikely that they will be able to rise above the bullying and intimidation of opposing defenders and create chances.
Credit to Japan, they have worked hard to find new goal-getting talents, an area they were sorely deficient in at previous competitions. A new breed of Japanese front man is developing, characterised by Shinji Okazaki, so proficient in the J-League, and Takayuki Morimoto, whose development in Serie A has taken even myself by surprise (I was high on him from the start at Catania). He seems destinded to become a Nakata-esque figure in Italy.
Keisuke Honda is another impressive talent. Plying his trade with CSKA Moscow, the winger or attacking midfielder has strength and good touch. He will probably be the most dangerous Japanese player at the tournament.
A creaking defence that was run into the ground by England last week bodes ill. The two own goals in that game confirmed that the Japanese defence is still as error-prone as it was at times even in 2002, and they have aged quite obviously into the bargain. In spite of his ability to find his own net, Tulio Tanaka is a good centreback and should do well.
All in all, the signs are not encouraging for Japan. The team is still unsure as to whether it his a free-flowing attacking power or a well-marshalled defensive side. When all is said and done, they will probably have succeeded at neither.
Prediction: Absolutely zero chance in hell.
How to insult a Japanese person: Tell them that 100 hours a week is, in fact, not even remotely near to the average working week in normal countries and is a prospect even a junior doctor would balk at. Remark that your house is bigger than a cupboard. Use a mobile in a public place. Complain that the train is late. Disparage their ancestors' glorious memories. Shout 'Kamikaze' loudly when going for a tackle in a casual kickabout. Punch a hole through their (paper) wall.
Cameroon

Coach: Paul Le Guen. Replaced the manificent, heroic, noble figure of Otto Pfister, that cigar-smoking, unbuttoned-shirt-wearing septagenarian lord of African football. Beyond the Cliché mourns your demise. Admittedly, Pfister did a god awful job during the qualifying campaign, and if it wasn’t for Le Guen Cameroon almost certainly wouldn’t be here. Forever more the butt of jokes from half the Old Firm, I still maintain that he got a raw deal at Rangers and got sacked, essentially, because he didn’t see the inherent merit of playing 38 year old Alex Rae and his pathetic ilk instead of decent young continental players like Clement. Plus, I have met his daughter and she is very nice and rather attractive.
Team: Cameroonians are rightly proud of their record at World Cup finals, and this current team should hopefully add to the nation’s list of achievements.
Essentially, this Cameroon side consists of the best young players from four years ago, who have now matured significantly, plus an infusion of sprightly, France-born talent. Oh, and Eto’o. Of course.
All this hullabaloo about Eto’o being sufficiently insulted by Roger Milla’s comments as to pull out of the squad all together should be taken with a rather large grain of South Saharan salt. Eto’o is too passionate about representing his nation to leave them in the lurch, and good for him. Whatever Milla insinuated about lack of effort is just plain wrong and out of line in my book.
Eto’o is Cameroon’s shining light, a mercurial talent. Africa certainly has a phenomenal ability to produce national talisman frontmen; Eto’o, Drogba, Adebayor, Diouf(?). If you’re going to have one world class player in your squad, might as well make it an out and out goalscorer eh?
Cameroon’s back four has been solidified by the addition of Sebastien Bassong and Benoit Assou-Ekotto of Spurs. Sorry, Champions League Spurs. Stephen M’Bia can play centreback or holding midfield, but will be deployed at right back to allow Nicolas Nkoulou to fill the other centrehalf spot. He can be praised as the young man that finally ousted Rigobert Song from the national side. The back four is fast and strong in the air and the tackle. Prone to the odd mistake certainly, but in my opinion of a pretty high standard.
Midfield will be Alex Song and either Jean Makoun or Eyong Enoh of Ajax (tongue twister. Say it 5 times fast with marbles in your mouth). All are quick around the park, sharp in the tackle and generally reliable. Song in particular blossomed at Arsenal this season and should reap the benefits at international level (blossom like a Song bird, you might say. If you were a bit weird). Joel Matip is another youngster, playing with Schalke, who may see playing time.
Flanking them are Achile Emana of Toulouse and Kaiserslautern's Georges Mandjeck, both competent although not out and out wingers. Eto'o's strike partner will likely be Webo. Decent enough bloke, not much else to say about him really.
Prediction: Outlast the Dane's, outclass the Japanese, get outplayed in the knockout stages. At least will take the African quotient in my admittedly quite optimistic/fanciful predictions up by one. What can I say, the World Cup in Africa, a continent inspired. I'm a romantic and I've falled for it all. Oh the World Cup is glorious!
How to insult a Cameroonian: Insult Samuel Eto'o (Nice one Roger Milla). Insult Roger Milla (nice one Eto'o). Remark on how crap a nickname the 'Indomitable Lions' is. Much like Ghana, ask when the next coup d'etat is. Get Cameroon confused with the 40 other African nations whose national flags and colours are basically just the same but in different orders (Senegal is particularly similar. Remember; green, red and yellow NOT Green yellow and red. Wait, actually...).
GM
Coach: Bert Van Marwijk. The last man to coach a Dutch club team to a European title, the UEFA Cup with Feyenoord in 2002. Guided the Dutch through their strongest qualification yet, accumulating the best record in Europe, dancing on the Hampden sidelines and subsequently making me a rather unhappy Tartan Army chappie. Dick
Team: 4-5-1 is the name of the game with the Dutch, and they will stick to to unwaveringly, much as they did at Euro 2008 and World Cup 2006 and Euro 2004.
The Dutch won none of these tournaments. They did not even come particularly close to winning these tournaments (they basically got as close as England did. When England were actually there as well). For a team that is perennially billed as a favourite, it's not exactly a vote of confidence in their big game ability to constantly find themselves out of tournaments by the end of the quarterfinals.
I don't think this will change in South Africa. I could well be wrong, but of all the teams in this competition that could be billed as genuine contendors for the Rimet trophy, it is the Netherlands that I trust the least, and by a considerably margin. It is not just rehashing old stereotypes about not being 'tournament performers' if there is actually a reasonably large recent evidence base to back the claim up
Holland will play one man alone up front to facilitate the use of a playmaking 10 and two proper wingers. The lone striker, sadly, will be either Dirk 'The Tryer' Kuyt or Robin Van Persieee-awww-I-broke-my-foot. If Robin has decided to read this preview, chances are he has broken his eyeballs by this stage and thus cannot read my disparaging comments about him. Ha.
My point in that last paragraph, badly illustrated, is that the Dutch currently do not have a Van Nistelrooy, a proper striker who can actually combine scoring with being physical and running about without dying (ironically, Van Nistelrooy was useless for Holland). Huntelaar? No.
Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder were both sensational this season, and are going to prove bloody murderous to the other group members' defences. But when the hard games come, will they just be neutralised like Robben was in the Champions League final? The Russians managed it at Euro 2008 after all.
Those are the issues I have with the Dutch attack, but the obvious flip side is that Holland are generally flowing and direct, and have scored heaps of goals in qualifying. And in spite of the doubts, the players I've mentioned are genuinely world class talents (OK, maybe not Kuyt).
But that just adds to the way I feel about this team. If you can look at such brilliant talents in attack and still have your doubts, then either there is something wrong with you or there is actually something to be concerned about. I may be proved wrong about this, I admit that, but at least I have the balls to just come out and say "I don't trust the Dutch. I am ruling them out as contendors", instead of just coming out with some wishy-washy vanilla opinion.
As for their defence, again, I have pretty big doubts as to how reliable Holland's good record actually is. The back four is not very good. Heitinga, Van Der Wiel; would you call them worthy of World Cup winners? And Van Bronckhorst was cut to shreds by Stevie Naismith for crying out loud!
Prediction: Out in the quarterfinals.
How to insult a Dutchman: Buy loads of his tulips, then decide to stop liking tulips anymore and cause his economy to collapse and everyone to starve. Be German. Abhor prostitution and drug misuse. Call his daughter a Dyke (haw haw haw).
If they were a medical condition: Jaundice could produce the desired orange colouration. As could getting cancer from a sunbed. Fluid imbalance; leave the bath running too long and the entire country could flood.
Denmark

Coach: Morten Olsen. Long time coach (since 2000) and quite frankly a bit of a lad. Has got a good handle on his current players, and has maximised their performances in qualifying. Danish fans love him. Expect cool banners of his face superimposed onto the torso of a Viking.
Team: Denmark's squad will be recognisable to anyone who has watched international football since about 2002. A lot of the faces around then are still hanging on. Sadly not on the scene is Ebbe Sand. Not because he was vital to the team, or any other important reason. Just because he had a cool and amusing name. I liked Ebbe Sand.
Thankfully not around is the ugly mug of ex-Real Madrid supremo Thomas Gravesen. Yes, once again to reitirate, that did actually happen dear readers. You did not go temporarily schitzo that day. Usefully for Denmark, they have a few midfielders able to carry on Gravesen's legacy of clogging and persistent fouling. Christian Poulsen and his face is still around, though sadly Francisco Totti's spit is no longer around to decorate it.
Daniel Jensen is a slightly higher breed of midfielder, and has at least played some this season with Werder Bremen (Poulsen has flopped miserably at Juve). Kwist of Copenhagen should complete the triumvirate in midfield.
Still around up front are the Premiership legends Dennis Rommedahl and Jesper Gronkjaer. See, told you that you'd recognise them. Rommedahl, by general consensus one of the top wing men Charlton Athletic has seen in the past 5 years bar Darren Ambrose and Radostin Kishishev, still starting at international level is quite frankly farce. And Gronjkaer isn't much better. Younger and more talented option Thomas Kahlenberg has had what can only be described as a complete skitemare of a season. In other words, he is in no state to be relied on in the Rainbow Nation.
Niklas Bendtner as the target man is young at least, and has had a decent season. He remains though, an annoying petulent prick. The reserve option here comes from the shattered husk of what used to be John Dal Tomasson. Just let him go to sleep in peace Denmark. He's world weary.
Simon Kjaer and Daniel Agger at centre back are both, again, young. They are also athletic and talented, providing Denmark with a good defensive spine. Kjaer will be picked up by someone big after the tournament provided he doesn't fall on his arse too much or start a fight with Eric Djemba-Djemba. I would suggest that he fits Juventus well, or Roma if everyone else is scaffy and doesn't bother signing him.
Thomas Sorensen, or the Danish Mark Schwarzer as I think of him, is a good keeper recovering from a pretty bad injury. Hopefully he's good to go, and if so is another strength to complement the centreback pairing.
Prediction: Will the Dane's be able to cope with Cameroon? Partly this rests on Cameroon not degenerating into a farcical rioting mob, which is actually quite likely, but mainly it is dependent on Denmark's midfield being able to keep up with younger legs, and their wingers being able to relive their form of the past...
Um, I'm going to side with Cameroon on this one. Third in the group.
How to insult a Dane: State that you always preferred Mecano. Be Jewish or Muslim and therefore don't consume the only two things Denmark actually exports; bacon and beer. Call them Norwegian. Call them Swedish. Piss on the Mermaid Statue in Copenhagen. State that Einstein was clearly superior to Bohr.
Japan
Coach: Takeshi Okada. Japan have gone back to a domestic coach after their dalliances with foreigners Zico and Ivica Osim. Has taken Japan back to a system of rigidity, with a clear plan, instead of Zico’s ultimately futile attempts to force the Japanese to play with creativity. Could be mistaken for George Takei from a distance.
Team: Japan will suffer again from the problem that has plagued them throughout their international history; they field a team that is likely to be physically inferior to their opponents, and the technical brilliance they rely on to compensate turns out to be pretty mediocre stuff, only really fit for the J-League.
The hulking Danes and Cameroonians will certainly be able to outmuscle the Japanese. To be honest, this isn’t that likely to affect them that much as they have grown to expect it by now. Sadly, their flair players, the ones that will be crucial in overcoming the physical disparity, are hardly in the best of shape.
Previous stalwarts Shinsuke Nakamura and Junichi Inamoto have been worn down by Scottish studs and English shoulder charges throughout their careers and are now pretty frail. It is unlikely that they will be able to rise above the bullying and intimidation of opposing defenders and create chances.
Credit to Japan, they have worked hard to find new goal-getting talents, an area they were sorely deficient in at previous competitions. A new breed of Japanese front man is developing, characterised by Shinji Okazaki, so proficient in the J-League, and Takayuki Morimoto, whose development in Serie A has taken even myself by surprise (I was high on him from the start at Catania). He seems destinded to become a Nakata-esque figure in Italy.
Keisuke Honda is another impressive talent. Plying his trade with CSKA Moscow, the winger or attacking midfielder has strength and good touch. He will probably be the most dangerous Japanese player at the tournament.
A creaking defence that was run into the ground by England last week bodes ill. The two own goals in that game confirmed that the Japanese defence is still as error-prone as it was at times even in 2002, and they have aged quite obviously into the bargain. In spite of his ability to find his own net, Tulio Tanaka is a good centreback and should do well.
All in all, the signs are not encouraging for Japan. The team is still unsure as to whether it his a free-flowing attacking power or a well-marshalled defensive side. When all is said and done, they will probably have succeeded at neither.
Prediction: Absolutely zero chance in hell.
How to insult a Japanese person: Tell them that 100 hours a week is, in fact, not even remotely near to the average working week in normal countries and is a prospect even a junior doctor would balk at. Remark that your house is bigger than a cupboard. Use a mobile in a public place. Complain that the train is late. Disparage their ancestors' glorious memories. Shout 'Kamikaze' loudly when going for a tackle in a casual kickabout. Punch a hole through their (paper) wall.
Cameroon
Coach: Paul Le Guen. Replaced the manificent, heroic, noble figure of Otto Pfister, that cigar-smoking, unbuttoned-shirt-wearing septagenarian lord of African football. Beyond the Cliché mourns your demise. Admittedly, Pfister did a god awful job during the qualifying campaign, and if it wasn’t for Le Guen Cameroon almost certainly wouldn’t be here. Forever more the butt of jokes from half the Old Firm, I still maintain that he got a raw deal at Rangers and got sacked, essentially, because he didn’t see the inherent merit of playing 38 year old Alex Rae and his pathetic ilk instead of decent young continental players like Clement. Plus, I have met his daughter and she is very nice and rather attractive.
Team: Cameroonians are rightly proud of their record at World Cup finals, and this current team should hopefully add to the nation’s list of achievements.
Essentially, this Cameroon side consists of the best young players from four years ago, who have now matured significantly, plus an infusion of sprightly, France-born talent. Oh, and Eto’o. Of course.
All this hullabaloo about Eto’o being sufficiently insulted by Roger Milla’s comments as to pull out of the squad all together should be taken with a rather large grain of South Saharan salt. Eto’o is too passionate about representing his nation to leave them in the lurch, and good for him. Whatever Milla insinuated about lack of effort is just plain wrong and out of line in my book.
Eto’o is Cameroon’s shining light, a mercurial talent. Africa certainly has a phenomenal ability to produce national talisman frontmen; Eto’o, Drogba, Adebayor, Diouf(?). If you’re going to have one world class player in your squad, might as well make it an out and out goalscorer eh?
Cameroon’s back four has been solidified by the addition of Sebastien Bassong and Benoit Assou-Ekotto of Spurs. Sorry, Champions League Spurs. Stephen M’Bia can play centreback or holding midfield, but will be deployed at right back to allow Nicolas Nkoulou to fill the other centrehalf spot. He can be praised as the young man that finally ousted Rigobert Song from the national side. The back four is fast and strong in the air and the tackle. Prone to the odd mistake certainly, but in my opinion of a pretty high standard.
Midfield will be Alex Song and either Jean Makoun or Eyong Enoh of Ajax (tongue twister. Say it 5 times fast with marbles in your mouth). All are quick around the park, sharp in the tackle and generally reliable. Song in particular blossomed at Arsenal this season and should reap the benefits at international level (blossom like a Song bird, you might say. If you were a bit weird). Joel Matip is another youngster, playing with Schalke, who may see playing time.
Flanking them are Achile Emana of Toulouse and Kaiserslautern's Georges Mandjeck, both competent although not out and out wingers. Eto'o's strike partner will likely be Webo. Decent enough bloke, not much else to say about him really.
Prediction: Outlast the Dane's, outclass the Japanese, get outplayed in the knockout stages. At least will take the African quotient in my admittedly quite optimistic/fanciful predictions up by one. What can I say, the World Cup in Africa, a continent inspired. I'm a romantic and I've falled for it all. Oh the World Cup is glorious!
How to insult a Cameroonian: Insult Samuel Eto'o (Nice one Roger Milla). Insult Roger Milla (nice one Eto'o). Remark on how crap a nickname the 'Indomitable Lions' is. Much like Ghana, ask when the next coup d'etat is. Get Cameroon confused with the 40 other African nations whose national flags and colours are basically just the same but in different orders (Senegal is particularly similar. Remember; green, red and yellow NOT Green yellow and red. Wait, actually...).
GM
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Teams to hit the ground running in NFC West
In a division where no one QB stands apart from the rest, the NFC West could end up going the way of the team which runs the ball best. There are plenty of talented guys in the backfield in each of the four teams but it will also be worth considering the other offensive weapons available as well as defensive and special teams contributions when predicting which way it will go. It's still the lowest quality division in the NFL though...
San Franci
sco 49ers - Ah the Niners. So popular in the 80s with the classic Montana-Rice combination, it was on that basis that the decision to bring them to Wembley was made. Much like bringing the Broncos was for the John Elway fan club. A Smith-Crabtree combination doesn't have the same ring to it. Yet it is with that combination that the Niners must compete to impress their extensive fan base. It is a known fact that QB Alex Smith is a lad, albeit one who doesn't move his feet enough. So Mike Singletary made the sensible decision of drafting a couple of O-Linemen in the first round. Good ones too (Tackle Anthony Davis and Guard Mike Iupati). The extra protection given to Smith should compensate for his deficits (lack of intangibles, whatever they are) and allow him time to play less frenetically and complete a few more passes. The burgeoning receivers, led by Michael Crabtree and TE Vernon Davis better have their hands ready. One of the more interesting characters is RB Frank Gore. He has continually looked a powerhouse over the years and showed flashes of brilliance early on in 2009, with over 200 yards in a game against the Seahawks. Yet the Niners overall running game was one of the worst in the NFL. So either Gore needs to up his productivity and consistency or they need some decent back-up, particularly when you factor in the flaky QB. The defence is solid, led by Patrick Willis and Justin Lee and will be boosted by SS Taylor Mays in the secondary. Watch out for K "Deadly" Joe Nedney! An improving outfit in a weakening division. 10-6 (first winning record in a long time!)
I seriously will not be tuning in to any divisional games!
Arizona Cardinals - The last two seasons read well for Cards fans - NFC champions and beaten in the divisional match. It will not go this way for them in 2010, for one very simple re
ason - Kurt Warner has retired and Matt Leinart is not a sufficient replacement at QB. Which is a shame because they really do have a receiver corps with potential - if Early Doucet and Steve Breaston can match the big numbers of Larry Fitzgerald, the offense would be laughing. But when you have a QB in whom the management appear to have little trust, (if the signing of Derek Anderson and the flirting with Charlie Whitehurst and Marc Bulger are anything to go on) then there is no guarantee that these targets will be found at the crucial times. With Anquan Boldin gone, further productivity is lost. It will be up to second year pro, RB Beanie Wells, to surpass the work of Tim Hightower, who is not exactly an elite rusher in the NFL, to give the offense some certainty. Darnell Dockett and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie will lead the line and secondary respectively but the loss of Antrel Rolle will be massive, with the lack of a ball-hawk deep limiting the amount of turnovers available to the team. Ken Whisenhurst has his work cut out having spent the off-season cutting rather than recruiting. 7-9.

San Franci

Seattle Seahawks - My old flatmate is a Seahawks fan. Poor bastard. There is really nothing exciting at
all about this team. Especially since LenDale White got cut and Walter Jones retired. It's a shame they didn't sign Terrell Owens really, the publicity alone would have made the 'Hawks palatable. Russell Okung has been brough in to replace Jones, with the sole purpose of ensuring that QB Matt Hasselbeck's body doesn't fall apart completely. The marvellously named Golden Tate, long time target for Jimmy Clausen at Notre Dame, has also arrived. Mediocrity is prevalent right the way down the roster, although on paper the running game should be good, with Julius Jones, Justin Forsett and Leon Washington, signed from the Jets, all vying for game time. That's about it really. Oh, except I hope Lawyer Milloy keeps Earl Thomas on the sidelines. Just because of the name (query a career change for Graeme?). 5-11 and no-one will care. Except my old flatmate.

St. Louis Rams - There is only one reason why you get the first overall draft selection. It's becaus
e you sucked the year before. To remedy this, the Rams cut QB Marc Bulger and brought in Sam Bradford and with him several questions. Will his shoulder hold up after surgery? Will he recover his form before said injury? Can he adapt his game to an NFL offense? Will he actually make a blind bit of difference to his team's form? To answer such question, I have devised a Bradford-ometer, which will pop up at various times during the regular season (they won't make the playoffs) to decide if he really is capable at this level. See below for the prototype. A lot will depend, as usual, on RB Steven Jackson. There's not really much more to say. 3-13 if they get lucky.


RM
Monday, 31 May 2010
The County Scene - Week 10: Tamim Ton Signals Arrival of the Big Hitters

England 505 (Trott 226, Strauss 83, Shahadat 5-98) and 163-2 (Strauss 82) beat Bangladesh 282 (Junaid 58, Tamim 55, Anderson 4-78, Finn 4-100) and 382 (following on) (Tamim 103, Kayes 75, Junaid 74, Finn 5-87) by 8 wickets
After watching the whole first day, England were 362-4 and Jonathan Trott, fresh from finding form on the county circuit (see, there is a point to county cricket - this blog is worthwhile I swear!), had hit 175* without giving a single chance to the fielders. Oh dear, thought I - here we go for some more lifeless and uncompetetive Test match cricket. I was wrong. The next morning, Shahadat Hossain woke up a different bowler, with an extra yard of pace and bounce to trouble England and eventually get himself onto the hallowed Lord's Honours Board. However, with a bit of weather and bad light around on Day 3, the rusty-looking England bowlers found the swing they'd been missing and eventually forced the follow-on (inviting the opposition to bat again if they fall 200 or more short of the 1st innings total). Out strode Tamim Iqbal with a blistering counter attack, failing to move his feet but timing the ball so sweetly to all parts. He was particularly brutal to the off-spin of Graeme Swann, one of a few England players looking weary after the Twenty20 exploits - England's 3 key men in this game (Trott, Strauss and man-of-the-match Steve Finn) had not made that trip and had played plenty of Championship cricket. It showed. It was Finn who eventually removed Tamim on the hook and then used the short ball effectively to run through the lineup on Days 4 and 5. 160 was never a stiff target for the batsmen.
The scary thing about Tamim is that he has been so productive in test cricket recently, yet still has fundamental flaws in his defensive technique i.e. he doesn't play defensively and never moves his feet sufficiently against good bowling. He is 21 years of age. The talent that he possesses is frightening and if he receives the right guidance, he could be the new Brian Lara, such is the flamboyance with which he played some of his strokes. I know I have been harsh on Bangladesh's batting so far on this tour, but their Top 8 can all play a bit and they need to be persevered with and allowed to mature and settle at international level if the nation is to progress. They do not need morons like Geoffrey Boycott telling them what to do. The arrogance he has to tell Tamim to his face that Bangladesh "do not belong in Test cricket because the bowling is woeful" is beyond belief. England certainly cannot afford to play in the Ashes with four bowlers - Swann was ineffective on this pitch but could not be carried as a result of the weighting of the team.
Finally on this subject, anyone who gets onto the Lord's Honours Board deserves a Victoria Sponge Lad of the Week Award - congratualtions to Jonathan Trott, Shahadat Hossain, Tamim Iqbal and Steven Finn. LADS

Back to the county circuit, so much less glamourous now the Test match summer is here. Or is it? The CB 40 takes a break now at the halfway stage, with Somerset, Surrey, Yorkshire and Warwickshire currently occupying the semi-final spots. In its stead comes the revamped Friends Provident T20, complete with two overseas players per team. Sky Sports have reeled out yet another classic ad, this time featuring Nick Knight and assorted dancing girls giving umpiring signals to Dreadlock Holiday. Inspired. Knight was expectedly embarrassed when David Lloyd brought it up during the Test match commentary. You really expect the team with the biggest stars to prosper in this competition. With that in mind, don't bet against Middlesex (Adam Gilchrist and David Warner), Durham (Albie Morkel and Ross Taylor), Somerset (Cameron White and Kieron Pollard) and Sussex (Brendon McCullum and Dwayne Smith). We start tomorrow with a repeat of last year's final, Sussex vs Somerset. With the expansion to compete against the IPL and the subsequent signing of some of the game's brightest lights, this should be the best competition ever.
Here's hoping anyway
RM
Murray's Roland Garros Mettle Not Good Enough
Now, on the face of it, reaching the last sixteen in what is clearly Murray's least favourite Open is no poor achievement, and Berdych is a talented player to lose to (admittedly, a better hardcourt man than clay). Indeed, my colleague did not think Murray would be able to get past Marco Bhagdatis in the previous round.
I am concerned, though, about the nature of the loss yesterday. Specifically, the poor start to the match, and especially the final set after the delay. I think they suggest a bigger flaw in Murray's game which he has yet to address.
Murray started out as a precocious talent with a powerful forehand game and a penchant for playing winners bordering on genius. He struggled to impose his service game when it mattered (closing out games, staying in close sets) and his ace to fault ratio would jump spectacularly away from the former and toward the latter. He also failed to stay in longer rally's; the more shots he found himself having to play, the less chance he would find a winner with the next one.
Murray has certainly addressed the issues he had with long rally's, which are now undoubtedly a strength of his game, and he has improved on the technical side of his game, to the point where his backhand game can match Nadal's on hardcourt and probably grass also, and his footwork and stamina are now genuinely world class.
I would argue that playing on clay puts Murray into a mental state that is similar to the one he faces when he has to play an opponent who poses a clear danger to him, and possesses a game at least the equal of his own. Murray finds himself starting at a disadvantage mentally, and he is less likely to put up as strong a fight when the games get tough later in the game. It is at this point, as it was yesterday against Berdych, that he starts commiting lazy/ stupid errors, and his shot selection and ability to produce aces goes out the window.
Murray really needs to iron out these mental deficiences if he wants to win a major tournament. He must be constantly aware of his predicament with regards the Federer and Nadal era he is trapped in, and this can't exactly help him. But he needs to take another look at his compadres in the second tier of tennis.
The talents below Fed and Rafa are obviously threats. Ancic, Del Potro, Tsonga, Roddick and their sort are certainly dangerous on all surfaces, and guys like Verdasco, Gonzales, Ferrer and Berdych will always trouble Murray on clay. Accept that clay isn't his forte and move on. I think he probably has.
Novak Djokovic is the best opponent out there that isn't one of the two feaks of nature. I genuinely believe that Murray is a more talented player than Djokovic physically and technically. Novak has clearly superior mental strength and consistency though, and is more successful than Murray because of this. Djokovic has realised that he must be at his best in every match because he cannot afford to slip up and be knocked out of a competition on the occasions that Federer or Nadal also go out. The key to winning a slam these days is to get to as many semi-finals as possible, and grasp the opportunity when one or both of the World's two best players doesn't make it to the final.
Murray can console himself with his good performances and victories against top opposition. But it won't help our British hero if he then loses to a Robredo or Schuttler in the next round and is doomed to be Scottish again.
GM
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Times changing down on the Cape

Six months ago, Sky Sports advertised England's winter tour to South Africa, making a point of how the South Africans were "Number 1". We had many smiling school children, fishermen and Graeme Smith telling us about this. The less said about Stuart Broad's part in this advert, the better. Yes, despite having achieved nothing of note in many years, save for a series victory Down Under in 2008, the Proteas were No.1 in all forms of cricket. Then England rocked up and everything changed.
OK, so a 1-1 Test and 2020 series draw and a 2-1 ODI defeat against a vastly improved side does not sound too bad. However, heads have begun to roll after another dismal showing in a major competition, the World Twenty20 in the Carribbean last month. Keen follower(s) of this blog will notice how I predicted they would struggle with their one-dimensional bowling attack in that form of the game and I was right (for a change). The fact does remain that they have three world class seam bowlers and a couple of canny spinners, although Roelof van der Merwe has gone so off the boil that he should be left alone. It is in the batting department that things need freshened up and the roots of something fresh and new may just be beginning to grow.
Last year, Cricinfo asked readers and experts to pick an All-Time South African XI. The experts opted mainly for old-timers from the pre-international exile for being racist bastards years. However, the readers correctly chose six current or recently retired players in their XI, in stark contrast to the English equivalent where only Kevin Pietersen (easily a candidate for a South African XI) made the cut from the modern era. However, when you examine all six of these players, you realise that times are coming to an end for four of them and one is having his role drastically redefined as a result. Only the rapid paceman Dale Steyn remains as important as ever he was, although Morne Morkel is finally finding the consistency which could see him jump the queue for the role of leader of the attack. The taller of the two bowlers, Morkel has found alarming bounce and seam movement on West Indian pitches in the current bilateral series, whereas Steyn's extra pace has been to the liking of the flamboyant opposition. But he's far too good not to bounce back.
Shaun Pollock is long gone now, great player though he was. The accuracy at 80mph that he provided is no longer a need under the new regime - out-and-out speed is much more desired by the CSA selectors. His lower order batting isn't missed either - Johan Botha, Ryan McLaren and Wayne Parnell are all more than capable. Jacques Kallis bats serenely as ever, but is now little more than a reluctant bowler (the 91.5mph he was clocked at yesterday indicates a broken speed gun rather than a man with genuine menace). The keeping issue has also been changed - Mark Boucher, recently man-of-the-series against England in the Tests for some really gutsy knocks, has been discarded, with batsman AB de Villiers, a wonderful fielder, donning the gloves. So long as this doesn't affect de Villiers' batting (and it hasn't so far) then this will work out OK, but it's a poor way to repay Boucher for years of outstanding service, where he has rescued his country from many a dire situation and also become statistically the most successful keeper of all time.
Then we come to the captain. Graeme Smith looks far less relaxed these days than when he lounged in the Jo'burg sunshine uttering the immortal line "South Africa - Number 1". He is uncomfortable in the crease and has regressed to his old ways of shuffling across his stumps and shovelling everything into the leg side. An lbw candidate if ever there was one. His fielding is become increasingly unreliable and his captaincy lacks imagination. Is it time for a fresh start here as well? I would say not. To do to Smith what has been done to Boucher would be a step too far - his service for the country since a young age has been sterling. Class is permanent. Change has needed to be made in South African cricket, but some semblance of continuity must be retained.
So a new wave of icons enter South African sport. Not the footballers who will surely be shown up for what limited players are. But men like Hashim Amla, Lonwabo Tsotsobe and Alviro Petersen, men who will carry the hopes and dreams of ordinary Saffers. Gone is Makhaya Ntini, the greatest icon the game has ever had in Africa. It is time for new heroes to be born. Hope they don't choke.
RM
OK, so a 1-1 Test and 2020 series draw and a 2-1 ODI defeat against a vastly improved side does not sound too bad. However, heads have begun to roll after another dismal showing in a major competition, the World Twenty20 in the Carribbean last month. Keen follower(s) of this blog will notice how I predicted they would struggle with their one-dimensional bowling attack in that form of the game and I was right (for a change). The fact does remain that they have three world class seam bowlers and a couple of canny spinners, although Roelof van der Merwe has gone so off the boil that he should be left alone. It is in the batting department that things need freshened up and the roots of something fresh and new may just be beginning to grow.
Last year, Cricinfo asked readers and experts to pick an All-Time South African XI. The experts opted mainly for old-timers from the pre-international exile for being racist bastards years. However, the readers correctly chose six current or recently retired players in their XI, in stark contrast to the English equivalent where only Kevin Pietersen (easily a candidate for a South African XI) made the cut from the modern era. However, when you examine all six of these players, you realise that times are coming to an end for four of them and one is having his role drastically redefined as a result. Only the rapid paceman Dale Steyn remains as important as ever he was, although Morne Morkel is finally finding the consistency which could see him jump the queue for the role of leader of the attack. The taller of the two bowlers, Morkel has found alarming bounce and seam movement on West Indian pitches in the current bilateral series, whereas Steyn's extra pace has been to the liking of the flamboyant opposition. But he's far too good not to bounce back.
Shaun Pollock is long gone now, great player though he was. The accuracy at 80mph that he provided is no longer a need under the new regime - out-and-out speed is much more desired by the CSA selectors. His lower order batting isn't missed either - Johan Botha, Ryan McLaren and Wayne Parnell are all more than capable. Jacques Kallis bats serenely as ever, but is now little more than a reluctant bowler (the 91.5mph he was clocked at yesterday indicates a broken speed gun rather than a man with genuine menace). The keeping issue has also been changed - Mark Boucher, recently man-of-the-series against England in the Tests for some really gutsy knocks, has been discarded, with batsman AB de Villiers, a wonderful fielder, donning the gloves. So long as this doesn't affect de Villiers' batting (and it hasn't so far) then this will work out OK, but it's a poor way to repay Boucher for years of outstanding service, where he has rescued his country from many a dire situation and also become statistically the most successful keeper of all time.
Then we come to the captain. Graeme Smith looks far less relaxed these days than when he lounged in the Jo'burg sunshine uttering the immortal line "South Africa - Number 1". He is uncomfortable in the crease and has regressed to his old ways of shuffling across his stumps and shovelling everything into the leg side. An lbw candidate if ever there was one. His fielding is become increasingly unreliable and his captaincy lacks imagination. Is it time for a fresh start here as well? I would say not. To do to Smith what has been done to Boucher would be a step too far - his service for the country since a young age has been sterling. Class is permanent. Change has needed to be made in South African cricket, but some semblance of continuity must be retained.
So a new wave of icons enter South African sport. Not the footballers who will surely be shown up for what limited players are. But men like Hashim Amla, Lonwabo Tsotsobe and Alviro Petersen, men who will carry the hopes and dreams of ordinary Saffers. Gone is Makhaya Ntini, the greatest icon the game has ever had in Africa. It is time for new heroes to be born. Hope they don't choke.
RM
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