Like A Mad Octopus: The State Of Scottish Rugby This Month

With the deep, dark winter fast approaching the rugby is only just starting to heat up. The Autumn tests are upon us and the colder weather should also bring less rain. Bring on the slick attacking play we all love!

The past month saw the Magners League teams enjoying their international stars before the Test committments see them off training with the national sides. The opening matches of the Heineken Cup, always a popular competition, also took place. The only Scottish interest in the knockout stages of late has been Murrayfield hosting the final. Will things change? On evidence, no, probably not.

The Club Scene

Edinburgh (8th in the Magners League. 4th in Pool 1). Started the month with a close win away in Italy to Aironi, and subsequently beat Ulster at home and lost narrowly to Leinster in Dublin. In Europe they lost both games, going down to Cardiff and Northampton. Those two games were actually amongst their best performances. They were in the Northampton game in particular, and only lost out due to a little extra edge for the Saints in the forwards. Oh no, Edinburgh's traditional struggles against anyone remotely physical are back I hear you cry. But, considering the way Northampton have bossed the Premiership (they totally and absolutely humiliated Newcastle's pack) the close loss is easier on the eye. Certainly, looking good has been the theme of the Burgh's attacking play. Rob Moffat was involved in the 7's setup, and he has translated a lot of the principles of attacking space from that format into 15 a side. Again, like I said last month, the centres look a bit same-y. But David Blair has played well overall, and Alex Blair (from now on I'll just call them by first name. You'll know them all well soon enough) debuted against Leinster and did decently. The sparks weren't quite there, but nerves and a conservative gameplan probably contributed to that. In the pack, Netani Talei has added the physical side he promised to deliver. He also has an eye for support lines and for scoring. Fraser McKenzie now seems to be Scott MacLeod's preferred second row partner as Esteban Lozada, when not injured, has not been as good as billed. Ross Rennie has though, and looks to be getting up a head of steam. The style of Roddy Grant means that those two flankers are often seen helping each other make tackles; they play the game in the same areas of the pitch. On a final note, Tim Visser is still in the zone (he has also provided a handy euphimism for going to the toilet. "Back in a mo, I'm just popping out to the Visser").

Glasgow (11th in the league. 3rd in Pool 6). The injuries still deprive them of Cusiter, Kellock (who may be back soon) and Beattie. But thank the stars John Barclay is back after concerns. He has been in great form. I would recommend, if a game is a little dull, just following him around the pitch. His play has a certain elegance to it; he flows from breakdown to breakdown. His work on the ground has also improved this year, and thus he steals and disrupts more ball. Speaking of form, another man who is showing some is big Richie Gray (he will always be referred to as 'big' from here on). The other Richie, Vernon, has had a run in the 8 shirt and has been solid in defence (he had issues due to tackling too low last year), but hasn't got the ball in hand as much as his top level speed deserves. The front row of Welsh, Hall and whoever is fit hasn't been quite up to the standard set last year, and some penalties have been lost from that area of play. The other problem is that there does not seem to be much of a spark to the backs. Actually, players like Morrison and Colin Gregor (in place of Cusiter) have been playing very well, and Max Evans can still gain 20 metres out of nothing. It just seems that the attacking play that develops is in isolated bursts, which is wierd considering the creative Jackson and Weir are at 10. Weir incidently scored a good individual try against the Scarlets in Wales, showing what can happen if you simply keep the ball and run hard through gaps. That match, which Glasgow lost, can be forgiven; the rain in Llanelli that night was as bad as anything I've ever seen, anywhere. Perhaps Bernie Stortoni could have taken a few of the high balls that Peter Murchie dropped, but on the whole it must have been like trying to catch a greased up sheep (should have got Jackson and Cus on the case).

The National Side

The full squad to face the All Blacks, South Africa and Manu Samoa has been named. I might as well list it here; it gives the less rugby inclined amongst you a chance to learn the men wearing the jersey:

Backs – Joe Ansbro (Northampton Saints), Mike Blair (Edinburgh), Ben Cairns (Edinburgh), Max Evans (Glasgow Warriors), Alex Grove (Edinburgh), Ruaridh Jackson (Glasgow Warriors), Greig Laidlaw (Edinburgh), Rory Lamont (Toulon), Sean Lamont (Scarlets), Rory Lawson (Gloucester), Graeme Morrison (Glasgow Warriors), Dan Parks (Cardiff Blues), Chris Paterson (Edinburgh), Hugo Southwell (Stade Francais), James Thompson (Edinburgh), Nikki Walker (Ospreys)

Forwards – John Barclay (Glasgow Warriors), Kelly Brown (Saracens), Geoff Cross (Edinburgh), Alasdair Dickinson (Gloucester), Ross Ford (Edinburgh), Richie Gray (Glasgow Warriors), Dougie Hall (Glasgow Warriors), Jim Hamilton (Gloucester), Nathan Hines (Leinster), Allan Jacobsen (Edinburgh), Scott Lawson (Gloucester), Moray Low (Glasgow Warriors), Alan MacDonald (Edinburgh), Scott MacLeod (Edinburgh), Euan Murray (Northampton Saints), Ross Rennie (Edinburgh) and Richie Vernon (Glasgow Warriors).

Not considered due to injury – Johnnie Beattie (Glasgow Warriors), Chris Cusiter (Glasgow Warriors), Simon Danielli (Ulster), Nick De Luca (Edinburgh), Phil Godman (Edinburgh), Alastair Kellock (Glasgow Warriors) and Alasdair Strokosch (Gloucester).

The loss of Kellock, the captain during the victorious tour of Argentina in the summer, is obviously a big one.

There are four uncapped lads in the squad. Greg Laidlaw and Jim Thompson of Edinburgh are pretty much extra bodies, and Joe Ansbro is in to get a feel of the team setup. Only Ruiridh Jackson has much of a chance to get a significant role, probably by starting against Samoa in his hometown Aberdeen.

Ross Rennie is back involved in test rugby, but the form of John Barclay means he isn't going to feature much. The back row will almost certainly be Barclay and Vernon of Glasgow with Kelly Brown, once of Glasgow. There isn't actually any other real option at 8 besides Vernon; Brown can play there, but Roddy Grant and Ally Hogg are not involved in the squad. Stay healthy Richie; no more nights out in Potterow until it's all over!

Second row will see Nathan Hines alongside Richie Gray; his form of late demands his inclusion.

The front row is boosted by Alan Jacobsen's good play, and Ross Ford has been decent as well. Tighthead options are either Moray Low or Euan Murray; that there is a debate to be had there is evidence enough of the doubts surrounding Murray's return from injuries.

Mike Blair and Rory Lawson are the two 9's. Blair hasn't been that good for Scotland in his previous appearances, but good performances here could nail down a starters spot come 6 Nations time. I think Lawson is the better option personally. He has as quick a pass as Cusiter, snipes and runs as much as Blair and kicks well. But I'm not the coach am I?

Stand-off is, of course, the Dan Parks Show. To be honest, if he goes down against New Zealand we're equally as fucked with Jackson as we would be with Godman, so squad depth remains consistent!

Graeme Morrison is doing well this year, and he'll need to be on his toes to tackle Ma'a Nonu. Max Evans is still a doubt when it comes to defense, and Parks is completely useless. So a hard hitting fullback to do his job for him is a must; what's that, Rory Lamont is fit and playing well for Toulon? Great!! Oh, and Hugo Southwell is doing well too. Great.

We are quite short of wingers. Sean Lamont, I assume, is fit to start and thus will. He is big and dangerous, like some kind of bear. The other jersey could be filled by Nikki Walker, Ansbro, Max Evans if Ben Cairns plays 13 or Rory Lamont if Southwell plays Fullback.

In terms of the opposition, the Allblacks are what we thought they were; fucking class. Forget the loss to Australia they just took- we can't run the ball anything like Australia can. Thus, the physical side of the game in the tight will be crucial, and with Thorn, Read, Kaino, Woodcock, Mealamu and Captain Tackles...we're fucked. There is no chance of a win I'm afraid.

South Africa? Well, I honestly can't make a call. If they're as shit as they were against Australia in their first Tri Nations match then we can beat them. If we play like we did against Australia this time last year, we can beat them. What is more likely is that both sides are somewhere in between those two extremes. Wherever the scales rock will determine the outcome. From a personal perspective, I do want to see Matfield in person (the sports scientists told him he had exceeded his recommeded number of games played in the year. He ignored them. Man). Patrick Lambie, the stocky youngster in the back line, is also intriguing.

As for Samoa, I really hope our victory doesn't come at the cost of too many broken arms, legs and faces.

Lad Awards for October

Most Laddish Forward: Richie Gray. He has been throwning his substantial weight around well, and sold an outrageous fake to score against the Ospreys. Still as elegant as a lamp post when running though.

Most 'Laddish' (NB: backs cannot be true Lads) Back: David Blair. For doing quite well, actually. But mainly for beating Ulster and silencing their fans and their bollock-awful 'UULLLSSSSTTTTEEEEERRRRR' monotone chanting.

Phil Godman Award for Uselessness: John Barclay. You're the captain. The ref tells you to stop your players trying to kick the ball away at rucks. You nod. The very next ruck, you kick the ball away and get carded. Smooth moove handlebars.

LAD of the Month: Alan Jacobsen. For giving short, tubby ginger kids a role model. Runner-up; Rob Harley. For a solid debut season so far and for giving tall, lanky ginger kids a role model.

GM (with thanks the the great Bill McLaren for providing the title)